(no subject)
Four in the morning. Made a trip to B.C. for a De La Soul concert last night. Have to work in 3 1/2 hours. Tired and confused about my current situations in life. I think I need to write or paint before my mind boils over with all these ridiculous emotions. My plate is too full; haven't had real ME time for awhile. In other words: too many people and events are drowning me at once. I never know the right thing to do. I feel like I do. But I can't help but doubt myself. It's ingrained my being. Why couldn't I get a list of the answers. I want an advantage over everyone, but don't we all. I have no desire to obtain any sense of superiority over any person, place, or thing. Superiority, in fact, is antithetical to my entire belief structure. I guess I just hate the lack of control we all have. I have no personality. It's taken awhile for me to come to terms with it, but I'm now thoroughly convinced that it is true. I speak in quotes that almost never belong to me. I desire to contribute, but never seem successful in doing so. I'm about as deep as a headstone. If anyone bothers to read this, I'm sorry for wasting your time. I feel like there should always be some educational purpose to reading the thoughts, views, opinions, and emotions of people, yet I don't seem to possess the ability to provide that. Thanks for taking the time at least. All things considered, though, I've got it pretty good. Personal doubt doesn't detract from the fact that I have an amazing, tight support structure of wonderful humans who actually enjoy my company. And know that I share their enjoyment of the presence of positivity. Eyes are closing rapidly now. Hopelessly in love. Is that okay? I wish a goodnight to everyone who genuinely cares about anyone. God I'm weird. And narcssistic. Gonna write tomorrow. Have to. goodnight.