Constantine
Well, i just went and saw Keanu Reeves new fil "Constantine"
Ol' Keanu plays a chain smoking-lung cancer suffering-cynical-dark humor-pissy exorcist.
Long story short, Satans kid, w/e the hell his name is wants to rule earth. So to do so, he drives this one woman crazy she kills herself. Well, said woman had a sister who teams up with Keanu to stop Satans little boy. John, who is Keanu, is totally pissed cuz he's goin to hell..............no matter what. Who could blame him?
Well, In order to stop this rogue half angel from helpin Satan's spawn rule Earth, John kills himself. By doing so, old Satan himself come to get John's soul. He even admits he's the only one who's soul is worth coming to get himself. Well, John tell him of Satan's son'e plan. He was kinda pissed, since he wants Earth for himself. Well, The Angel chick get like, de-agnelfied, if thats even a verb, and Mamanon or something, satans kid, goes back to Hell.
Well, Satan aint a dumbass, he asks what John wants. Well, John asks for The crazy woman. You know, the one at the beginnning. Well, her names Isabelle, and she was Catholic, and if you off yourself and your a Catholic, your goin to hell. Well, he asks her to go to Heaven. Satans says ok. Everything cool. And he starts dragging John away for hell.
Dramataic Twist!!!!
John sacrafice, allows him to go to Heaven. On his way to the Pearly Gates, John, fully in character, and i love this part, gives Satan the bird. C'mon, is that not the way to go?
Well, instead of loosing him, Satan just rips our the cancerous tumors in John lungs, giving him a new lease on life, hoping he fucks up and he can still claim his soul.
At the end, you see John on a building, and Keanu's talkin, like a soliliquoy, and he's talkin bout God's plain and he looks like he's gonna have a cigarette, but instead starts chewin some gum.
While the movie, given it's overall plot length and trying to link The Spear of Destiny in, ya know, the one that killed Christ, with some poor Mexican who found it, who keeps wandering through the dessert to LA, it sucked. Can we say BORING!?!?!
However, Keanu pulling off dark, cynical humor is pretty damn cool.
I'm not paying to see it again, but it is worth seeing, assuming you enjoy cynical humor.
Other than that, i havent been doin squat. Don't worry, ill keep up the good work.
Ol' Keanu plays a chain smoking-lung cancer suffering-cynical-dark humor-pissy exorcist.
Long story short, Satans kid, w/e the hell his name is wants to rule earth. So to do so, he drives this one woman crazy she kills herself. Well, said woman had a sister who teams up with Keanu to stop Satans little boy. John, who is Keanu, is totally pissed cuz he's goin to hell..............no matter what. Who could blame him?
Well, In order to stop this rogue half angel from helpin Satan's spawn rule Earth, John kills himself. By doing so, old Satan himself come to get John's soul. He even admits he's the only one who's soul is worth coming to get himself. Well, John tell him of Satan's son'e plan. He was kinda pissed, since he wants Earth for himself. Well, The Angel chick get like, de-agnelfied, if thats even a verb, and Mamanon or something, satans kid, goes back to Hell.
Well, Satan aint a dumbass, he asks what John wants. Well, John asks for The crazy woman. You know, the one at the beginnning. Well, her names Isabelle, and she was Catholic, and if you off yourself and your a Catholic, your goin to hell. Well, he asks her to go to Heaven. Satans says ok. Everything cool. And he starts dragging John away for hell.
Dramataic Twist!!!!
John sacrafice, allows him to go to Heaven. On his way to the Pearly Gates, John, fully in character, and i love this part, gives Satan the bird. C'mon, is that not the way to go?
Well, instead of loosing him, Satan just rips our the cancerous tumors in John lungs, giving him a new lease on life, hoping he fucks up and he can still claim his soul.
At the end, you see John on a building, and Keanu's talkin, like a soliliquoy, and he's talkin bout God's plain and he looks like he's gonna have a cigarette, but instead starts chewin some gum.
While the movie, given it's overall plot length and trying to link The Spear of Destiny in, ya know, the one that killed Christ, with some poor Mexican who found it, who keeps wandering through the dessert to LA, it sucked. Can we say BORING!?!?!
However, Keanu pulling off dark, cynical humor is pretty damn cool.
I'm not paying to see it again, but it is worth seeing, assuming you enjoy cynical humor.
Other than that, i havent been doin squat. Don't worry, ill keep up the good work.