You're asking for a golden shower???
I got a moral dilemma. There's a chance I could have a...job... close enough to bike to, doing what I did at e-bola for the same money, no phones, no customers, type and listen to the iTunes all day. Good gig, eh?
Except part of the application process is a drug test, which I am so dead set against.
I've never taken any drug that wasn't prescribed to me by a doctor or bought at a drug store for a cold, allergics, or cranky stomach, so it's not like I'm afraid they'll find out I'm high on smack all the time. I think it's an invasion of privacy, violation of the 4th Amendment, and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much to ask for my pee for a job. I'm not flying a plane, taking care of children, or operating on people. There's no reason you need my whiz for this kind of gig. If the President doesn't have to take a drug test, why should I for a sit-n-type job? If I did spend my time off smokin' fatties till my eyes were red that's my business. It's an incredibly stupid way to spend my time off, but none of your business unless I show up at work baked out of my gourd. My reliable work history and lack of a criminal record should be enough, you fascists!
BUT, both of us don't have a job now, combined unemployment checks may only barely, BARELY keep us from living with YOU. This is only the third offer in the last six months that's close enough to me. My unemployment will run out in two months, and it's looking like the only thing people will get from me for Christmas is a cup of Yo-Play. Not Yoplait, Yo-Play, the extremely generic 10¢ a cup yogurt. Who likes mixed berries and onion flavor!?!
So, I don't know if it's time to feel violated and pee for an overly intrusive employer who trusts no one and doesn't believe in innocent before proven guilty and probable cause. Or pass on this job and hope something comes along soon that doesn't ask for a golden shower.
Maybe I can sneak in a vile of lemonade and pour it into the cup. When they ask about my results I can say I really like lemonade. No, I don't even notice when I pass the pulp through my urine. Why's it pink? Ummmm, an infection from a misspent night in Mexico eight years ago. Do I get the job?
So, um, Sarah Palin, you and your average "Joe Six-Pack" thing. I would not consider my self your everyday Joe Six-Pack. The worst insult you could hurl at me, besides thinking I'd be mind-boggling stupid enough to fool around with illegal drugs, is to call me "average."
And the only six-pack I've had are six-packs of soda. Do they even sell beer in six-packs anymore? The only time I'm in a liquor aisle is passing through it to get to the cheese or cookie dough section.
I do not sit around in a wife beater and tattered boxers watching sports with a sixer of beer next to me, spent cans at my feet, looking, well, like this toon I drew in January 1988...
I'm not rich, I can't afford a car, I can't even afford cookie dough, but I ain't no Joe Six-Pack.
So, if I'm not Joe Six-Pack, does that mean I'm an elitist snoot who doesn't matter?
A happy late birthday to my Republican friend Leesa. After listening to me go on cranky rants against Republicans for 16 years she STILL likes me.
Except part of the application process is a drug test, which I am so dead set against.
I've never taken any drug that wasn't prescribed to me by a doctor or bought at a drug store for a cold, allergics, or cranky stomach, so it's not like I'm afraid they'll find out I'm high on smack all the time. I think it's an invasion of privacy, violation of the 4th Amendment, and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much to ask for my pee for a job. I'm not flying a plane, taking care of children, or operating on people. There's no reason you need my whiz for this kind of gig. If the President doesn't have to take a drug test, why should I for a sit-n-type job? If I did spend my time off smokin' fatties till my eyes were red that's my business. It's an incredibly stupid way to spend my time off, but none of your business unless I show up at work baked out of my gourd. My reliable work history and lack of a criminal record should be enough, you fascists!
BUT, both of us don't have a job now, combined unemployment checks may only barely, BARELY keep us from living with YOU. This is only the third offer in the last six months that's close enough to me. My unemployment will run out in two months, and it's looking like the only thing people will get from me for Christmas is a cup of Yo-Play. Not Yoplait, Yo-Play, the extremely generic 10¢ a cup yogurt. Who likes mixed berries and onion flavor!?!
So, I don't know if it's time to feel violated and pee for an overly intrusive employer who trusts no one and doesn't believe in innocent before proven guilty and probable cause. Or pass on this job and hope something comes along soon that doesn't ask for a golden shower.
Maybe I can sneak in a vile of lemonade and pour it into the cup. When they ask about my results I can say I really like lemonade. No, I don't even notice when I pass the pulp through my urine. Why's it pink? Ummmm, an infection from a misspent night in Mexico eight years ago. Do I get the job?
So, um, Sarah Palin, you and your average "Joe Six-Pack" thing. I would not consider my self your everyday Joe Six-Pack. The worst insult you could hurl at me, besides thinking I'd be mind-boggling stupid enough to fool around with illegal drugs, is to call me "average."
And the only six-pack I've had are six-packs of soda. Do they even sell beer in six-packs anymore? The only time I'm in a liquor aisle is passing through it to get to the cheese or cookie dough section.
I do not sit around in a wife beater and tattered boxers watching sports with a sixer of beer next to me, spent cans at my feet, looking, well, like this toon I drew in January 1988...
I'm not rich, I can't afford a car, I can't even afford cookie dough, but I ain't no Joe Six-Pack.
So, if I'm not Joe Six-Pack, does that mean I'm an elitist snoot who doesn't matter?
A happy late birthday to my Republican friend Leesa. After listening to me go on cranky rants against Republicans for 16 years she STILL likes me.