Marie Susanna
Sort of an AU Fanklok thing going on here, at first.
Not a “real” Mary Sue fic, because they’re supposed to be self-insert and fuck no. Instead you get a short cracky thing with a few altered screen caps. With my random notes below them. Written mostly in Nathan mode.
Disclaimer: I do not own them, and all that stuff.
They all went to Klokikon to find Nathan’s cheating girlfriend. He’d compared her to a Labrador but she sure didn’t have the loyalty of one.
Actually it still fit, since she was going around sticking her face in everybody’s crotch. Murderface considered stealing a cosplayer’s wig and getting in line, but had enough sense to realize Nathan would probably kill him for that.
They fled the Blowjob-O-Rama room (Or was it the BJ-O-Roonie room? Whatever.) and ran back towards the fan art booth. It was mostly chicks around there, and not more hugely fat cosplayers. Or what Toki had informed them were furries, those were just weird. Like, just pick one, stop trying to dress up as two things at once. Especially when the five of them were one of the things.
And then they saw her.
She was totally perfect in every way. She was painting people’s portraits so fucking well that the results looked like photos, only even faster than photos. Beside her was a table of crafts and baked goods that she had also made. She spoke to her current model as she finished his portrait and her voice was totally not brutal, but like fairies dancing on flowers. Whatever the fuck that sounds like.
Suddenly their faces felt funny, not unlike a “happy in the pants” feeling only with faces. It was like their eyes had gotten really huge and sparkly all the sudden. All the better to see her with, of course. This was turning into some fucked up fairy tale except nobody would get eaten by wolves. Wait, some of those furries were wolves...
“Eaten by furries, good song title. Wait, no it’s not. Delete!”
Yeah... I just pasted the eyes and mouths from a chibi maker. But don’t worry! It’s gets better as you go.
Pickles knelt before her. “Cahm home with us and be our wife.” The others were nodding, yes this must happen!
“Why thank you! I’m Marie Susanna, and I’d be honored to be a wife to you all!”
And with that, completely forgetting Nathan’s cheating girlfriend (What girlfriend?) they headed back to the huas. Since there were no spare sidecars, she rode draped across all of their laps.
Back home, there was no fighting over her. Normally they would have, but she’d asked them not to and suddenly it had all been cool. They gathered around her, studying her and unable to find even a single flaw but there were none. This was truly the perfect woman, this soon-to-be wife of Dethklok.
“We have to tell Charles!” This wedding was going to be complicated, Nathan knew they couldn’t do it without their manager. The others nodding agreement, they all headed for his office.
Charles was alarmed by their huge sparkly eyes, he’d never seen anything like it. “Boys, whatever is wrong with your eyes? Do you need a doctor? How many fingers am I holding up?” He wasn’t holding up any at all actually, but they ignored his questions.
“We got this woman at Klokikon and we’re all marrying her! It’s gonna be awesome!”
“I need to meet her first.” Charles had no idea what else to say, but there was no way this was legal in any state. But they technically weren’t in any state, were they?
And then the door opened and she glided into the room, making all their eyes sparkle even more brightly with her presence.
“Hi, I’m Marie Susanna! Oh you’re doing taxes, would you like me to help? I took night classes in business when I wasn’t busy volunteering at the homeless and animal shelters and curing cancer!”
“She’s so smart!” Charles felt his face go all funny, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Now he understood why they’d brought here home, of course she could stay! She was the best thing ever! Maybe she’d like a sixth husband? He could only stare at her in wonder.
“Uhhhh...” Nathan was looking at Charles strangely, and his eyes felt normal to him again. “Marie Susanna? Can you give us a minute alone with our manager?”
“Of course! I’ll be right outside!” She walked gracefully out the door, closing it in a gentle and ladylike manner.
They all looked at Charles, who had a sappy expression and abnormally large and sparkly eyes. This wasn’t good, was it? It might not be good.
See I told you, isn’t Charles just adorable here?
“Uh... Whatever you’re doing with your eyes, you should like, never do it again.” Seriously, that was just weird.
“My eyes are perfectly fine, Nathan. I have no idea what you’re...” he trailed off catching his reflection on his World’s Best Manager trophy. “Oh, I look... like you did. What’s happened to me?”
She’s just so perfect that it just happens! Like a hard on but with your eyes!”
“Ocular erections, yes, thank you, Nathan. That is precisely what it feels like.”
Focusing with ninja-like vengeance, Charles made his eyes go back to how they were supposed to be.
This was a problem though. Dethklok, as happy as they would be with her, couldn’t preform in the state she got them into. Everything would be lost.
Didn’t they see that?
Charles supposed he’d have to tell them, they were just terrible and figuring this shit out.
“You can’t marry her, you’d never be brutal enough with her. She sucks all the brutalness out of everything with her perfect, perfect, perfectness.” Charles felt his eyes twitch and forced himself to remember that time he accidently walked in on his grandmother in the shower.
“But what can we do with her?” We can’t just throw her out or something!”
Charles grinned evilly. “I have an idea...”
A short time later, in a place possibly not far away..... This happened.
I think this one’s my favorite. And don’t worry, she was cool with it.
Not a “real” Mary Sue fic, because they’re supposed to be self-insert and fuck no. Instead you get a short cracky thing with a few altered screen caps. With my random notes below them. Written mostly in Nathan mode.
Disclaimer: I do not own them, and all that stuff.
They all went to Klokikon to find Nathan’s cheating girlfriend. He’d compared her to a Labrador but she sure didn’t have the loyalty of one.
Actually it still fit, since she was going around sticking her face in everybody’s crotch. Murderface considered stealing a cosplayer’s wig and getting in line, but had enough sense to realize Nathan would probably kill him for that.
They fled the Blowjob-O-Rama room (Or was it the BJ-O-Roonie room? Whatever.) and ran back towards the fan art booth. It was mostly chicks around there, and not more hugely fat cosplayers. Or what Toki had informed them were furries, those were just weird. Like, just pick one, stop trying to dress up as two things at once. Especially when the five of them were one of the things.
And then they saw her.
She was totally perfect in every way. She was painting people’s portraits so fucking well that the results looked like photos, only even faster than photos. Beside her was a table of crafts and baked goods that she had also made. She spoke to her current model as she finished his portrait and her voice was totally not brutal, but like fairies dancing on flowers. Whatever the fuck that sounds like.
Suddenly their faces felt funny, not unlike a “happy in the pants” feeling only with faces. It was like their eyes had gotten really huge and sparkly all the sudden. All the better to see her with, of course. This was turning into some fucked up fairy tale except nobody would get eaten by wolves. Wait, some of those furries were wolves...
“Eaten by furries, good song title. Wait, no it’s not. Delete!”
Yeah... I just pasted the eyes and mouths from a chibi maker. But don’t worry! It’s gets better as you go.
Pickles knelt before her. “Cahm home with us and be our wife.” The others were nodding, yes this must happen!
“Why thank you! I’m Marie Susanna, and I’d be honored to be a wife to you all!”
And with that, completely forgetting Nathan’s cheating girlfriend (What girlfriend?) they headed back to the huas. Since there were no spare sidecars, she rode draped across all of their laps.
Back home, there was no fighting over her. Normally they would have, but she’d asked them not to and suddenly it had all been cool. They gathered around her, studying her and unable to find even a single flaw but there were none. This was truly the perfect woman, this soon-to-be wife of Dethklok.
“We have to tell Charles!” This wedding was going to be complicated, Nathan knew they couldn’t do it without their manager. The others nodding agreement, they all headed for his office.
Charles was alarmed by their huge sparkly eyes, he’d never seen anything like it. “Boys, whatever is wrong with your eyes? Do you need a doctor? How many fingers am I holding up?” He wasn’t holding up any at all actually, but they ignored his questions.
“We got this woman at Klokikon and we’re all marrying her! It’s gonna be awesome!”
“I need to meet her first.” Charles had no idea what else to say, but there was no way this was legal in any state. But they technically weren’t in any state, were they?
And then the door opened and she glided into the room, making all their eyes sparkle even more brightly with her presence.
“Hi, I’m Marie Susanna! Oh you’re doing taxes, would you like me to help? I took night classes in business when I wasn’t busy volunteering at the homeless and animal shelters and curing cancer!”
“She’s so smart!” Charles felt his face go all funny, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Now he understood why they’d brought here home, of course she could stay! She was the best thing ever! Maybe she’d like a sixth husband? He could only stare at her in wonder.
“Uhhhh...” Nathan was looking at Charles strangely, and his eyes felt normal to him again. “Marie Susanna? Can you give us a minute alone with our manager?”
“Of course! I’ll be right outside!” She walked gracefully out the door, closing it in a gentle and ladylike manner.
They all looked at Charles, who had a sappy expression and abnormally large and sparkly eyes. This wasn’t good, was it? It might not be good.
See I told you, isn’t Charles just adorable here?
“Uh... Whatever you’re doing with your eyes, you should like, never do it again.” Seriously, that was just weird.
“My eyes are perfectly fine, Nathan. I have no idea what you’re...” he trailed off catching his reflection on his World’s Best Manager trophy. “Oh, I look... like you did. What’s happened to me?”
She’s just so perfect that it just happens! Like a hard on but with your eyes!”
“Ocular erections, yes, thank you, Nathan. That is precisely what it feels like.”
Focusing with ninja-like vengeance, Charles made his eyes go back to how they were supposed to be.
This was a problem though. Dethklok, as happy as they would be with her, couldn’t preform in the state she got them into. Everything would be lost.
Didn’t they see that?
Charles supposed he’d have to tell them, they were just terrible and figuring this shit out.
“You can’t marry her, you’d never be brutal enough with her. She sucks all the brutalness out of everything with her perfect, perfect, perfectness.” Charles felt his eyes twitch and forced himself to remember that time he accidently walked in on his grandmother in the shower.
“But what can we do with her?” We can’t just throw her out or something!”
Charles grinned evilly. “I have an idea...”
A short time later, in a place possibly not far away..... This happened.
I think this one’s my favorite. And don’t worry, she was cool with it.