CLEAR! 2
Chapter 4 rated PG
Chapters 5 and 6 rated PG-13 for language and drug references
multi-part
Many short calls are placed.
Chapter 4
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Mmh ... Hello?
I'm sorry Charles, have I woken you?
... Yes ... You're calling me at seven in the morning? We just spoke yesterday.
I'm very sorry, Charles. I just wanted to make myself available to you in case you wanted to discuss last night.
... Well, um thank you. But I'd really rather ... sit on this for a few days. I need to collect my thoughts.
So you hung out with Pickles as planned?
Yes, but ... look I'll call you back in a few days ...
Why are you avoiding it Charles?
I'm not avoiding it, I just don't want to discuss it yet.
What happened Charles?
We just watched a movie, ate pizza, and smoked a couple of joints ... Nothing happened.
No need to be terse. Did you enjoy yourself?
Yes, immensely, but I don't want to discuss it yet.
I understand, but please call me when you're ready. I'll be here for you.
I'll do that.
~~
Yes?
You haven't been doing your job.
M-my lord ...
You are forgetting why you were given this assignment to begin with. I trusted you to obey me.
Forgive me, my lord, but he is within my grasp. I can feel his trust growing ever stronger. Give me a few more weeks and he will be your willing servant.
I did not ask you to find me another servant. I asked you to assess him as a threat. To determine his place in Dethklok ... His power over them.
But he will be no threat to us if he trusts me.
He does not trust you, fool. He suspects. Should you continue to take these risks, then I will no longer be there to help you.
Return to us in three days and make sure your assessment is thorough.
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Chapter 5
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I … Don’t think we should do this anymore
But Charles ...
I’m sorry. I know you’ve made a lot of money off me in the past, and believe me, your help has been worth the steep pricetag, but I’d really like to take a different path now.
Don’t do anything you’ll regret.
I don’t think I’ll regret this. I haven’t been so confident about anything since I decided I wanted to manage Dethklok.
But what if you lose the band forever?
Y’know, I’ve thought about that … And for the first time ever, I sat down and asked myself “what’s the worst that could happen? Realistically." And the answer isn’t really so bad.
Financially speaking, I’m generously provided for in any severence scenario. And if the boys hate me …
Well I don’t think that’s any worse than living in the same house with four men I can never have.
Why this sudden change of heart, Charles?
... The band made their moves that night … the night I spent time with Pickles.
Tell me.
*sigh* I really shouldn’t, because I’m beginning to think you’re just living vicariously through me … but I really want you to understand why I don’t want to call you anymore …
Skwisgaar was the first. He came to my office as usual that afternoon to practice. Then, when he was about to leave, he dropped an envelope on my desk … Inside were two tickets to a Stravinski recital next week in Paris. I looked up right away, but he was already across the threshold.
Then when I arrived at my aparment, I found a piece of paper had been slipped beneath the door. It turned out to be a macaroni picture that Toki had made for me.
I’m not entirely sure what it’s a macaroni picture of … but it’s the thought that counts. He even scribbled a little poem on the back in Norwegian. I have yet to translate it, but I don’t care what it says. I’m sending it out to be framed, and then I’m keeping it on my wall till the day I die.
A few hours later, Nathan showed up demanding I give back the spiked arm band from the party. I had been looking forward to treasuring it for years to come, and I’m sure my disappointment showed.
But when I turned around to face him, after reluctantly pulling the collar from my nightstand … He was offering me a Tiffany box. He exchanged it for the armband and stormed out.
Inside the box, was a brand new spiked collar, just for me. It even had my initials and a gear burnt into the leather. It was the most beautiful gift I’ve ever received … from Dethklok anyway.
Then I showered, changed and met Pickles in his room. We had a very nice evening, drinking beers, eating pizza, smoking weed and watching way too much Cheech and Chong.
I laughed for god’s sake … I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. Actually I can’t remember the last time I laughed, period.
And you know what? I felt better. I felt ten years younger. I ate pizza and it didn’t bother my ulcer. I slept the whole night through without tossing or turning … I got better results from one evening with Pickles than I’ve gotten from ten years on fainting beds griping to quote-unquote professionals.
And I told him as much. I told him how much fun I’d had and how much therapy sucks … And he just gave me the most bewildered look and said “I kinda thought that’s what people had friends for."
And he’s absolutely right. I don’t need you. I need friends.
But Charles ...
… I need Dethklok.
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Chapter 6
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Ja, okays. We can do's dat.
I'll charter you a jet so you can leave the Dethcopter with the others just in case.
Oh, goods plan. But, whats about yous?
Well, actually I'll be in Salzburg that day, so I can just take a train.
Pfft, de trains ... Lets me picks you up in de jets.
That's okay, thank you though, but I've always wanted to take a train ride across Europe. Maybe I'll even leave my Blackberry and everything in Austria for the night. I'll bring a good book instead.
*heh* Ja fine, be de boring butler man. As longs as you donts be reading de Janes Austen... dat's gay.
It's a deal. So I'll arrive in Paris at about five ... Where do you wan to meet before the show?
Eehh ... de Eiffels Tower?
Easy enough to find.
But nots at de tops ... dat's gay too.
*fondsmile* Okay, under the Eiffel Tower at ... what time?
Sunsets is good.
Okay ... at sunset then.
~~
Gentlemen ... I-I'm afraid I have some bad news, Char-
I warned you, you fool!
Forgive me, my lord, I beg you. I have lost Ofdensen's trust, but I can still gain access to his phone calls. I can still be useful.
~~
Really?!?
Really.
Honests for reals? Crosses your fingers and sticks needles in your eyes?
Uh ... well .. Yes, cross my fingers and stick needles in my eyes. I'm serious.
Whens? Tomorrow?! Cans we?
*fondsmile* No, I'm sorry Toki, not tomorrow. But soon. How about this weekend?
Yes, yes, I's woulds that this weekends were tomorrows ... Wait ... de others isn't coming, right?
No, Toki, just us. And we'll do everything you want to do.
Everything?
Everything.
~~
I should kill you right here as an example! You've squandered my patience thus far ... Convince me that you deserve yet another chance.
Thank you, my lord.
Ofdensen is confused and weak, he has told me so himself.
Do not underestimate him. You have seen what he can do, what he has already done to your colleagues ... to your betters.
~~
Are you, uh, sure you'd be into that?
Don't worry, I'm sure I'll enjoy it. I'm more worried about you ... You do know this is going to be educational right?
I'll try to learn as little as possible ... I mean they're real dead bodies right?
Very real.
Brutal.
Great, I'll start making travel arrangements, maybe next year we can make it a point to visit the Body Farm too ...
Hey ...
Yes, Nathan?
I'M REALLY FUCKIN' EXCITED!
*fondsmile* Me too.
~~
My lord, he is all alone right now, cut off from all contact with Mordhaus. He is on a train from Salzburg to Paris as we speak.
Are you suggesting we move against him?
Not yet, my lord, I only wish to show you my craft and my trade. I am an asker of questions and a provider of answers. Let me show you how easily I can track this man and anticipate his inevitable misstep. Let me show you how swiftly and surely I can seize upon opportunities ... Just please do not cast me from you sight.
... I'm listening.
~~
Murderface, I've arranged a little ... spa visit for you.
A schpa? Gee, thanksh. Where isch it?
In Las Vegas, as the Mandalay Bay resort.
Hmmm ... Do they have tapasch in the desert?
... You know what tapas is?
... Yesch ...
Okay, just checking. Yes, you can get Tapas in Las Vegas, in fact, why don't you take Jean Pierre with you, that way you can have whatever kind of food you want.
Who schaid anything about food?
*longsufferingsigh*
Scho, what'sch the occashion? I kinda feel like your juscht trying to get me outta the hausch ...
Well, gosh Murderface, you do so much for Dethklok. Not to mention all the billable hours you've logged for Planet Piss ... You've earned a vacation.
Well, I do get a little schtressched schometimesch ... Don't wanna get crushed under all that reschponschibility. I'm glad you notisched.
~~
If you'll let me, I will become as his shadow. I will be your window into his life ...
~~
Pickles?
Oh, hey dood, howya been?
I've been ... very free.
Oh great, y'took my advice?
Huh? Oh, *BLUSH* no, not ... free downstairs ... I- I mean-
Aww, I'm jes' messin' wit'ya, Charlie. What's on yer mind?
Well ... you. I was wondering if you had any Cheech and Chong left?
Nah, we already wahtched all th'good ones ... But I gaht tuns and tuns of Adult Swim. Yer pretty well read, so you'd prahbly like th'Venture Brothers.
Do you want to watch some when I get back from my trip? ... With me?
Dood, it sounds like yer askin' me ahn a date.
Is that a no?
No.
So ... yes?
Yes.
Pickles, I love- ... I'd love to do that with you ... And could you also do me a favor while I'm away?
Sure, whaddya need?
Could you look out for the others? I'm not used to being away for so long all at once. I just want you guys to be safe. And I'll feel better as long as someone at the haus has his wits about him.
Well, sure but ... Dood, you trust me?
*fondsmile* Well, maybe not with my weed, but I trust you to call me if something strange happens.
Charlie ... you buy weed?
Well, not since college ... but the last stop on my trip is Amsterdam, and I was planning on bringing back some souvenirs.
Fer me?
Yes, all for you.
~~
Bring me everything you find. And do not so much as breathe without my explicit permission.
Of course, my lord, I will prove my worth to you.
TBC