The moment you've all been waiting for.
Nan: Hello people of Earth and Vancouver. What is up?
Jo: You're not in Vancouver...
Nan: I never said I was
Jo: Well, Vancouver is on Ea- Well. Nevermind. Hello, readers.
Nan: Haha. Yes greetings. Well, you're all about to indulge in something not approved by mothers or the government... that we know of.
Jo: Doesn't keep me from fuckin' lovein' it. [thrust]
Nan: This is true. It is insanely hot.
Jo: Or would it be sanely? Since you'd have to be mad not to love Sickles.
Nan: Or a person with well grounded morals. Not that we've found any so far. I heard they're a myth.
Jo: Fantasy. Pure fiction.
Nan: Like North Dakota. Who are they kidding?? Anyway, we both had fun writing this lovely piece of Pure Porn with a Twist.
Jo: Yes, chicks and dudes... It is Seth, and Pickles.
Nan: Now before your vags turn to sand and your peens cower inside you, we must clear one crucial detail up...
Jo: Pickles is adopted. Otherwise I may be slightly reluctant to write this panty-wetting fic.
Nan: Which it is, by the way.
Jo: I went through at least... twelve.
Jo: Twelve panties.
Nan: I was too lazy to move from the sofa. So... yeah they're ruined. I need more...
Jo: She's wearing mine, currently.
Nan: And loving it.
Jo: Goddammit, that's it, LET'S FUCK [tackle]
Nan: SO GOOD!!! <3
Jo: Uhhhngg!! S-so without further adoo-o-oo-ooo... Sickles. Oh yeah, I wrote for Seth, and Nan wrote for--
Nan: Pickles! This chapter is rated PG-13 or something like that. Enjoy! <3
Seth was not a patient person. He did not wait in line at the grocery store, speak quietly in libraries, or finish his homework the first five times he was told. And he especially did not have patience for Pickles' friends invading his house.
"PICKLES,"
None to be found.
"GET TH’ FUCK UP HERE." Although he was exceptionally good at being bossy.
Pickles didn't like how impatient his brother could be. It was so damn embarrassing every time his parents forced them to be together in public. No way did he want to be associated with Seth. No, he was a kid of class, taste, and skill. And marijuana. So when he heard the demand ringing from upstairs in Seth's room, it wasn't the shock of the century. He'd had worse embarrassments.
"I'm comin!" He sighed and trudged up the stairs to what he was sure would be another trap, or noogie, or pantsing, or atomic wedgie. Pickles' was wrong. All he got was an earful.
"Tell you fucking reject friends to beat it or I swear to fuckin' God, Pickles. You don't even want to know what the fuck I'm thinkin’." Seth’s voice was often softer when he spoke to Pickles, but on the all-too-frequent occasions Seth got mad his voice took on a distinct bite.
He was stone faced to the harsh speech and blinked calmly. This was actually Seth on a good day.
"They ain't rejects! I'll tell 'em to shut up or something but you can't tell me to kick them out! Yer naht mom! Or dad. You're just my brother." Pickles was being unnaturally brave. Maybe he was just tired of Seth's crap or something. Maybe the government was changing their weed supplier. Who knows? Seth shifted on his bed, shoving the stroke-mag under his pillow to hide it as he faced his sibling.
"I'm the oldest, faggot. And if you think yer such tough shit I might tell mom about all the fuckin’ grass that's under yer bed."
"It's prescription!" Pickles defended weakly, knowing his mother would absolutely have a cow and sheep over it. "Don't you dare tell on me!!”
"Or what," Seth challenged, eyes flaring.
"Or... or I'll tell her about your magazines!!" Dangerous territory. He wasn't supposed to know about those. Seth's eyes narrowed.
"I'm almost 18 anyways, ya piece of shit. An’ how the fuck do YOU know about those?"
"I don't!" he yelped and stepped back towards the door, just in case. "I, I mean I didn't uh..." 'Think fast think fast!!'
"Ya little FUCKER." Seth jumped off his bed, preparing to tackle his adoptive brother. Pickles panicked and tried to rush out the door but, forgetting he had closed it, ended up on the floor. He was as good as dead now. Maybe even worse. Seth crossed the room in four strides, seizing Pickles by the scruff and hauling him upwards. He cast his brother into a headlock, grinding his bony knuckles into Pickles' head.
"Tell me, Pickles. What the hell were ya up to, huh?" Seth's tone was one of mock-curiosity. Pickles grunted and tried to wrench himself from his brothers' iron grip. No use. The knuckles were hurting him a hell of a lot and messing up his hair.
"Stahp, Seth!! I wasn't doin nothin!! Lemme go!!" the younger drummer wailed pathetically.
"Yeah, whatever. If ya wanted a mag, ya could've asked." Seth smile and shoved Pickles away from him.
"What?? Yer naht mad or gonna pull or my throat or something??" Pickles stumbled back against the door and flattened down his hair. This was unlike Seth. He nearly killed him once over taking "his" ice cream. Why were nudie mags different?
Seth had walked over to his bed and was feeling under it. He popped up again a moment later, throwing a magazine forcefully at the boy. "There ya go. Ya might like it. It's for faggots like you, anyway, heh." Seth flopped down on his bed again, not answering Pickles' question. "I still want yer little queers-pals gahn, Pickles." he said without looking up.
Pickles stared at the cover for a long minute, trying to process the fact that there were magasines like this for girls. How weird.
"Wait... why do you have it? Oh I get it" He grinned broadly "Some'un likes sausage more'en peaches!!" There was a short crack as Seth shot his airsoft gun. "Come again?"
Pickles collapsed to the floor, grasping his chest. Fuck Christmas presents. He looked up to Seth and grit his teeth. "Don't ahsk me, yer the one with the gay porn!"
"S'nat gay," Seth said simply, "They dun' even have boners. It's Shelly's anyway, heh." Shelly was Seth's girlfriend. Or at least this week she was.
"That's still weird!" Pickles protested, rocking on the ground. He could leave his brother's room right now, of course, but he had some kind of death wish, obviously. "Why would she bring it over here??"
"Fuck if I know, some article ahn page 30-somethin' about cats. She wants me ta buy her one, like that's fuckin' happenin'." Seth shrugged and commenced reading, ignoring the sound of a car starting in there driveway. 'Bout time those bitches left. Pickles raced to the window and clutched at the rim. He swore and hit his head against the window a number of times before narrowing his eyes at Seth.
"You an yer dumb fag porn..."
"My what?" Seth rapid-fired the gun at Pickles. Swearing filled the air. Pickles screamed and ducked under the bed. Luckily, not too many of the balls hit him and there probably wouldn't be permanent bruising. "CALM THE HELL DOWN!"
"DON'T FERGET YER PICKLE MAG, PICKLES!" Seth yelled, throwing the Playgirl under the bed, along with another round of BBs. There was more screaming from under the bed. Pickles was stuck against the wall with only the magazine (and a few roly-polies) for protection. "STAHP!!!"
"Sure." Seth stretched out on his bed, continuing to read his dirty magazine. Man, that girl had nice tits. Pickles waited all of 3 minutes before creeping out from under the bed. It seemed to be safe... and then he spotted Seth's leg hanging over the edge oh so slightly. He had to grab it. His hand shot out and yanked on Seth's ankle.
Seth jumped, having momentarily forgotten his little brother's presence. He flipped himself over the bed, staring at the wide green eyes.
"I'm a bed bug." Pickles stated simply and shrunk back away from the edge of the bed and from Seth. Seriously, this kind of thing was just plain suicidal.
"Ya look like a bug," Seth stated, eyes flicking over Pickles' hair. The 16-year old hadn't teased it today, making him look more proportionate than he normally did with the glam-fro.
"So do you. A roach." Pickles shot himself toward the other, unoccupied side of the bed and rolled out into the wall. He was on his back on the floor with his legs in the air. Seth looked weird upside down.
"Yer a ladybug. Convenient, huh?" Seth smiled meanly.
"Whatchya mean by conveinient? I ain't a lady. I think I've figured that much out by now." Pickles rolled over and sat up. His fire hair fell into his face and he noticed there was far too much dust and not enough tease to it. He started to fix it.
"Quit it," Seth said, again ignoring Pickles' question, "You look dumb with big hair." He rolled back onto his bed, noting that a dust baby had stuck itself to Pickles' head.
"I look amazin’ with big hair. Yer jealous because you don't have awesome red hair like me" He huffed and crossed his arms with only half his hair teased up properly.
"Yeah. I wish I only had half a brain, too. Fucknob." Seth huffed. He wasn't jealous of the hair, really. He often had passing thoughts of having red ha- that's not the point. The point was Pickles would embarrass him if they were seen together. Pickles rolled his eyes and got up, dusting himself off and teasing a bit of his hair. "Yeah whatever. I'm gonna go try an call my friends to apologize."
Seth snatched the back of Pickles' shirt as he passed, nearly ripping it.
"Don't tell anyone I shot ya." Pickles rolled his eyes and retched himself from his grasp
"Whatever, jerk off". He left and went to his room to try and call his friends to see if they'd come back. This was the 5th time something like this happened and each time it was harder to get them back. Seth watched Pickles leave, wincing as the door slammed. What's up his ass, he thought. Shrugging it off, he turned back to the open magazine, shimmying under the covers. Seth-time was beginning.
Pickles called them each up, one by one, trying to explain what had happened, but none of them would listen. They each said the same thing, that he always ditched them for his brother. Pickles was just downright insulted. Pickles was furious. Seth, meanwhile, quickened the pace of his self-love, his stomach coiling with pleasure.
"Oh thanks a lot big brother! Fer scarin off my friends!! Gahd..." Pickles had to tell him off. This happened to him way too much and dammit, it's time Seth stopped being such a dick! He stormed angrily into his room to yell at him.
"Se-- Oh gahd." His eyes were wide with horror. Seth snapped up, bunching his comforter in front of him.
"JESUS - Pickles! I know we're nat fuckin' related but fuck!" Seth’s face was flushed and his hair in all directions. "Knock!"
"WHAT the hell, lock your door if you're gonna get-- wait, naht related? What??" Pickles stared at him as though he'd said that the sky was chocolate. He laughed slightly "You're jokin! Course we're related... we're brothers!" Seth stared at Pickles intensely.
"They told me," he said slowly, "That ya knew. That ya just didn't want it braught up." Pickles shook his head slowly, very confused. "No... no, they never said anythin... if we're naht brothers... that means one of us is adopted? Or both?" This was way too much. First, he'd walked in on his brother.... Seth masturbating and now he's not even related to him??
Seth frowned. "Pickles, we adopted you."
"WHAT?!" His voice was strained and shrieky. "No no no no!!" Pickles grasped his hair and fell to the ground "No no no no no no!!!"
"Hey, whoa!" Seth stuffed himself into his pants and crawled over to his wailing brother. "Pickles! It's naht that bad!" He shook his shoulders, turning his head upside down to peer at the pale face hidden behind messy hair. Pickles wasn't quite crying yet but he was wibbling and his face had hurt written all over.
"You... they... no!!" Seth felt awkward, unsure of what to do. He imagined how he'd feel in this situation but drew blanks. How should go about calming Pickles down?
"Better here then atta foster home, right?" He said weakly. Smooth. Smooth like sandpaper.
"Why didn't they tell me??" Pickles moved his hair out of his eyes and looked at Seth sadly and desperately. "Is that why they like you so much more too?? Cause you're their kid?!" He screamed in anger suddenly.
"Augh! Ya ungrateful bastard! Ya get all th' good shit for yer birthday and Christmas, all I got was a computer. Quit yer bitchin'." Seth crossed his arms, but relaxed after a moment.
"I don't think they wanted to make ya, ya know... Sad."
"Oh like you shouting it at me while yer jackin’ off. Yeah that's the way for me to find out." He wiped at his eyes to try and get himself to stop with the waterworks. His eyeliner smeared. Silence filled the air, as Seth regarded what had been said. All the cards were laid out and he felt oddly awkward, and sorry. It was not a thing he was used to. For the third time that day he didn't respond to something Pickles had said. Instead he handed him a tissue.
Pickles took the tissue and threw it over his shoulder, giving Seth a have smirk. "I ain't cryin, douschebag. Just... freaked out is all." He felt really awkward now. The man he used to think of kind of his... safety net was now as distant as a stranger off the street, though he's known him his whole life. He didn't know what to think of him now.
They regarded each other, neither really sure what to make of this.
"Do you feel half as awkward as i do?"
"Twice as much, heh." After all, you interrupted my me-time, the elder thought. But I guess it's naht that bad.
"Yeah... look sahrry about interrupting yer... moment. But hey, don'tchya gotta save some of that for Shelly or Sherry or Shella or whoever it is?"
"Fuck 'er. Well, naht anymore, heh." The brunette snickered at his own joke, clearly amused.
"Oh yeah, frikkin hilarious. You should be a comedian when ya get a job. Oh sahrry, if ya get a job." Oh that had to hurt. Seth had been looking for work for nearly a year now. The lopsided smile melted off Seth's face, and he forced himself not to make an orphan joke. Instead, he opted for tackling said orphan. Said orphan screamed and laughed at the same time, rolling around and wrestling with Seth. Ah, normality restored.
Seth grinned and dug his fingers into the crook of Pickles' hip. The tickle spot. Pickles jerked and laughed.
"Quit it!!! SETH!!!" He was convulsing and shrieking with laughter. Curse his brother for being just a diabolical genius.
Curse him well. Pickles was pinned down as Seth used his whole body to subdue him, arm wriggling between them and he tickled the redhead. The red haired adoptee was struggling against him, crying with laughter and gasping pleas for him to stop. Seth was laughing, too. That is to say, until he noticed exactly how their hips were grinding together. He flushed, stilling his fingers.
Pickles was panting loudly, weak and exhausted from the attack. He looked up to Seth questioningly.
"Wh-what's up?"
"Ahh," Seth faltered, "Nothin'. Just chillin', you?"
"Kinda exhausted and riding on a high from some jack off tickling me to death. I'm pretty good." he laughed weakly and wiped at his forehead. The jack off shifted his weight, attempting to unpin his hand from between the two bodies. Seth gulped, vaguely aware of the soft hair his fingers brushed to the left of Pickles' hip. Very aware of the way his dick felt.
Pickles sat up and tucked his knees to his chest. He looked at Seth curiously and teased his hair, just to annoy him.
"I'm pickin up on some serious tension in here."
"Yeah? What kind?" Seth asked coolly. Pickles looked at the ground and then back up to Seth's eye line, which skimmed across the crotch of his pants. Oh shit, he should not be looking there. Not right.
He shrugged lamely and sighed. "I'unno."
“‘Kay. Well, get th' fuck outta my room." Seth cocked his head towards the door.