THE CHILLER SAGA
OH BOY WHERE DO I EVEN START WITH THIS ONE?
HOW ABOUT THE FACT THAT I AM AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A SIZZLIN' SPICY PIPIN' HOT BLOODED PERSON AND GET WARM EXTREMELY EASILY IN EVERY SEASON. I DO NOT FARE WELL IN HEAT. I TOLERATE IT BECAUSE I HAVE TO AND THIS SUMMER IS MOSTLY OKAY BECAUSE 1.) THERE HAS BEEN A HEALTHY MIX OF LOWER TEMP DAYS WITH LOW HUMIDITY LEVELS. 2.) GETTING MORE FIT ADMITTEDLY DOES HELP A LITTLE JUST WHEN I'M OUT WALKIN' AROUND, MUCKIN' ABOUT. BUT NICE TRY GUESS WHAT THIS HAS PLAGUED ME SINCE I WAS A KID EVEN.
BUT OTHERWISE THE DISCOMFORT OF INTENSE HEAT MAKES ME INSANE. I LIKE FALL AND WINTER. MY FAVOURITE QUOTE IN THE WHOLE WORLD IS FROM GAME OF THRONES, "WINTER IS COMING".
AND GUESS WHAT? I'VE NEVER SEEN GAME OF THRONES AND I PROBABLY WON'T. BUT I APPRECIATE THE SENTIMENT.
I LIVE IN A BUILDING WITH STUFFY OLD NUMPTIES WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT PROPER AIR CIRCULATION FEELS LIKE.
THE AC BREAKS DOWN 3-5 TIMES EVERY SUMMER WHICH IS TOO MANY TIMES. WHEN IT'S WORKING AT MAX TURBO BLAST CAPACITY, IT'S GLORIOUS. WHEN IT'S DOWN, IT IS THE AMAZON. SNAKES MATERIALIZE OUT OF THIN AIR AND SLITHER AROUND THE HALLWAYS. I LIVE ON A HIGH FLOOR SO IT GETS WARM UP THERE EVEN IN THE WINTER BECAUSE OF SCIENCE, LOOK DON'T MAKE ME EXPLAIN WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW.
THE MOST UNSETTLING PART OF THE INCESSANT OUTAGES IS THE ABSOLUTE TRIPE THAT COMES FROM THE BUILDING'S MANAGEMENT AND RESIDENTS IN THE FACEBOOK GROUP AS EXCUSES.
IT ALL BEGAN WHEN THE "CHILLER" BROKE. FIRST OF ALL I HAVE NEVER HEARD THE TERM "CHILLER" IN MY LIFE EXCEPT I THINK IT WAS A DAIRY QUEEN TREAT AT SOME POINT SO I WAS IMMEDIATELY SUSPICIOUS. "CHILLER" IS NOT A RESPECTABLE TERM FOR AN AIR CONDITIONING SYSTEM, IT SOUNDS MADE UP.
SO THEY WOULD BRING IN SOMEONE TO FIX THE CHILLER AND THEN IT WOULDN'T BE FIXED AT ALL AND WOULD CRASH SEVERAL HOURS LATER. AFTER 3 INCIDENTS OF THIS KIND, THE FB GROUP BEGAN WEIGHING IN ON THE ISSUE AND BLINDLY SPECULATING ABOUT WHAT COULD BE WRONG. I NOTICED TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE:
1.) CHILLER APOLOGISTS: MIDDLE AGED MEN WHO SUDDENLY AND INEXPLICABLY HAD FIRSTHAND KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE CHILLER.
2.) "COLD PEOPLE". PEOPLE WHO ARE COLD ALL THE TIME AND DON'T CARE IF THE AC IS ON BUT WOULD SHIT A BRICK IF THE HEAT WENT OFF FOR TEN MINUTES. THESE PEOPLE ARE A TRAGIC BYPRODUCT OF #COLDCULTURE WHICH I WILL DISCUSS IN ANOTHER ENTRY.
AFTER MAJOR CHILLER MALFUNCTIONS LAST YEAR WE WERE TOLD THAT THIS SUMMER SEASON WOULD INTRODUCE TO US A BRAND NEW CHILLER SYSTEM WHICH WOULD BE CRANE LIFTED INTO THE BUILDING. I VOWED TO STAND GUARD OUTSIDE THE BUILDING TO WITNESS THIS HAPPENING BECAUSE I WAS STILL SKEPTICAL. I NEVER DID SEE THE OFFICIAL CHILLER CRANE LIFT BUT APPARENTLY IT TOOK PLACE.
A FEW WEEKS INTO THIS SPARKLING NEW CHILLER INDUCTION IT BROKE DOWN.
A TECHNICIAN CAME TO FIX IT AND THE REPORT WE WERE GIVEN BY ONE OF THE RESIDENTS WHO SPOKE TO HIM WAS THIS:
"IT'S FIXED NOW, HE SAID THE OLD WIRE HAD TO BE CONNECTED TO THE NEW WIRE."
....WHAT.
EVERYONE JUST ACCEPTED THIS WITHOUT QUESTION AND THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF MY HELLSCAPE.
OLD WIRE, NEW WIRE. MAKES SENSE!
SOON ENOUGH IT WAS BREAKING DOWN EVERY FEW DAYS AND THE EXPLANATIONS GOT INCREASINGLY MORE DEMENTED. EVERY TIME I ASKED WHAT ANYTHING ACTUALLY MEANT IT WAS LIKE I WAS INCONVENIENCING EVERYONE. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT COILS AND VALVES AND PUTTING BAND-AIDS ON THE MAINFRAME ETC. TURNING THE VOLUME UP, UNPLUGGING IT AND PLUGGING IT BACK IN AGAIN, CHANGING THE STATION TO VIBRATE AT A HIGHER FREQUENCY.
ONE TIME THEY LITERALLY SAID THEY HAD TO TIE A COIL BACK TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? DON'T BOTHER ASKING, THE VILLAGE WILL TURN AGAINST YOU. JUST LET THE NICE TECHNICIAN MAN TIE THE COILS IN A PRETTY BOW AND LEAVE IT AT THAT.
SO THEN SOME COLD PEOPLE WOULD WEIGH IN AND BE LIKE, "WELL THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS GOING ON IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW SO THE AC SHOULD BE THE LEAST OF OUR CONCERNS..." AND THEN I PUKED.
DURING ONE OF THE MANY CHILLER FRITZES EARLIER THIS WEEK I WAS GOING THROUGH THE ARCHIVED POSTS IN THE GROUP TO CALCULATE EXACTLY HOW MANY TIMES THE CHILLER HAS BROKEN DOWN THIS SUMMER AND I CAME ACROSS THE OLD WIRE/NEW WIRE NONSENSE AND I SAW THAT SOMEONE LEFT A COMMENT JUBILANTLY CELEBRATING THE DISCOVERY AND SAID, "Thank you sacred wire!!!!!!"
THANK YOU SACRED WIRE.
THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE BECOME, THANKING WIRES, LOOKING FOOLISH AS ALL HELL.
IF ONLY WE HAD THANKED THE COILS!!!! IF ONLY WE'D FASTED IN HONOUR OF THE WIRES AND DIALS MAYBE THEN WE WOULDN'T BE HERE.
HERE ARE A COUPLE OF GEMS FROM THE FB GROUP, WHERE REGULAR CIVILIANS WITH EXPENSIVE DOGS DECIDE THAT THEY KNOW HOW AIR CONDITIONING WORKS.
WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS ANY OF THIS? IS HE A PLANT FROM CHILLER CORP? THIS DUDE IS JUST SOME GUY!!!! HE SEEMS TO JUST BE THROWING AROUND THEIR MEANINGLESS LINGO. WHY IS HE SAYING "INTERFACE" AND "CALIBRATION". THAT'S SPACESHIP TALK. I'M NO ELECTRICIAN BUT I DO KNOW SPACESHIP TALK WHEN I SEE IT.
THE CHILLER "HEATS UP" WHEN "CIRCULATION IS NOT HAPPENING"????? ARE WE JUST SAYING WORDS NOW? IS THIS MAD LIBS? IF YOU DON'T KNOW YOU SHOULDN'T JUST GUESS!!!!!!!!
IT DRIVES ME CRAZY WHEN PEOPLE TALK OUT OF THEIR ASS.
"ON AN ONGOING BASIS YOU SHOULD EXPECT SOMETHING MORE CONSISTENT...."
NO SHIT!!! OH, ON AN ONGOING BASIS YOU SHOULD EXPECT THE MACHINE TO WORK??? YES!!! LITERALLY YES THAT IS THE IDEA. CONSIDER THE BASIS ONGOING!!!
IMAGINE SAYING THAT FOR ANYTHING ELSE AS IF IT'S SOME KIND OF ANSWER.
YOUR SMOKE ALARM WIRES AREN'T CONNECTED TO THE COILS AND THE DIAL ISN'T CALIBRATED BUT ON AN ONGOING BASIS YOU SHOULD EXPECT SOMETHING MORE CONSISTENT.
THIS IS THE BASIS, DWIGHT. WE'RE ON IT. WE SHOULDN'T EVER HAVE BEEN OFF IT.
PEOPLE ARE JUST PIPING UP WITH THEIR COCKAMAMIE THEORIES, JUST THROWING IDEAS AROUND TO PASS THE TIME WHILE THE HEAT SCRAMBLES THEIR BRAINS.
BY NOW YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING IF I THINK THAT IT'S ALL A BIG CONSPIRACY. WELL, TO BE HONEST, YES. SORT OF.
#COLDCULTURE IS VERY REAL, THE SYSTEM HAS BEEN DESIGNED TO BENEFIT COLD PEOPLE AND EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS RIGGED IN THEIR FAVOR. HEAT IS A FUNCTIONAL NECESSITY, COLD AIR IS AN OPTIONAL LUXURY. THAT'S WHAT THEY TEACH YOU IN KINDERGARTEN.
AC IS MORE EXPENSIVE TO FIX SO PEOPLE FIND THE CHEAPEST TEMPORARY FIXES BECAUSE IT'S NOT A PRIORITY. EVEN THOUGH IT'S EASIER TO GET WARM WHEN IT'S COLD THAN VICE VERSA. OUR SOCIETY IS NOT READY TO ACCEPT THEIR COLD PRIVILEGE, THOUGH.
MY FRIEND'S AC BROKE IN HIS CAR AND HE WAS LIKE "YEAH IT NEVER WORKS, I'M THINKING OF GETTING A NEW CAR".
THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN WITH HEAT!!!! NOBODY IS FORCED TO GET A NEW CAR BECAUSE THE HEAT BROKE!!! HEAT IS SOMEHOW UNBREAKABLE AND INVINCIBLE AND IF IT EVER ON RARE OCCASIONS GLITCHES IT'S FIXED IMMEDIATELY.
ANYWAY I'M GONNA GO STICK MY HEAD IN THE FREEZER BECAUSE THE CHILLER WAS WORKING ALL MORNING BUT NOW SEEMS TO BE OFF. AH WELL!! "ALL GOOD THINGS MUST COME TO AN END" AND I'M QUITE SURE BY THAT CHAUCER MEANT "WITHIN A FEW HOURS". 🙃🙃🙃