THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU'LL EVER LEARN...
TODAY I BRING YOU AN IMPORTANT TECHNIQUE PASSED DOWN FROM ONE ULQUIHIME-SHIPPER TO THE NEXT, SINCE THE DAWN OF THE SHIP'S CONCEPTION! IT IS A DARING, FOOL-HEARTY MISSION FOR ONLY THE MOST SKILLFUL AND SLY OF FANGIRLS (OR BOYS!) TO ATTEMPT. HOWEVER, THE REWARDS YOU REAP FROM A SUCCESSFUL EXECUTION ARE UNRIVALED IN THIS WORLD! ONLY A SPINELESS MONKEY WOULD WISH TO PASS IT UP!
HOWEVER... ATTEMPTING THIS DANGEROUS FEAT IS NO SIMPLE TASK, AND YOU MUST BE PROPERLY TRAINED BEFORE SETTING OUT ON YOUR MISSION!
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. TO EDJUMOCATE YOU ALL ON THIS MOST DANGEROUS, GLORIOUS THING...
GIVING ULQUIORRA A WAKE-UP CALL.
DOESN'T IT JUST SEND SHIVERS UP YOUR SPINE?! 8D
LET'S BEGIN WITH STEP ONE OF OUR TRAINING!
HERE WE HAVE THE PREY IN OUR SIGHTS. HE IS ASLEEP AND UNAWARE- UNCONSCIOUS TO THE WORLD AROUND HIM, YET STILL SO VERY DANGEROUS IF ONLY YOU WERE TO MAKE ONE WRONG MOVE ON ORIHIME'S HORRIBLY SQUEAKY FLOORBOARDS.
OUR FIRST LESSON IS TO LEARN HOW TO SNEAK UP ON ULQUIORRA!
FIRST, IT'S GOOD TO BRING SOME EARPHONES WITH YOU, SO YOU CAN PLAY THE MISSION IMPOSSIBLE THEME WHILE YOU NAVIGATE THE ROOM TOWARDS THE BED. THIS HELPS THE MOOD, AND GIVES YOU A +10 FOR THE SNEAK SKILL, WHICH ALWAYS COMES IN HANDY. IT ALSO GIVES YOU A +5 FOR HEROIC BRAVERY, WHICH IS ALSO AWESOME. JUST WATCH OUT FOR THE +20 IN COMIC FOOLERY, AS THAT WILL LIKELY MAKE YOU SLIP ON A BANANA INSTEAD.
STEP TWO!
OKAY, YOU'VE MANAGED TO SNEAK UP ON ULQUIORRA. WHAT'S NEXT? GETTING IN POSITION, OBVIOUSLY!
THIS TAKES REAL CLASS, AS YOU MUST KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO PEEK YOUR HEAD OVER THE SIDE OF HIS INNOCENTLY SLUMBERING BODY, PARTLY HIDDEN UNDERNEATH THE BEDCOVERS, WHICH ARE JUST BARELY MANAGING TO STAY ABOVE HIS CHEST, HIDING THE NAKED, FLAWLESS EXPANSE OF WHITE SKIN AND MASCULINE ABS RESTING JUST ABOVE HIS...
AHEM!
YOU MUST BE QUIET AND SLOW WITH THIS, AND HAVE THE APPROPRIATE SONG PLAYING IN YOUR HEADPHONES! (THE THEME FOR "THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY" WORKS VERY WELL HERE) GET YOUR HANDS ABOVE HIS HEAD AND IN POSITION AND YOU'RE ALL GOOD. AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU TOOK ALL THOSE NINJA TRAINING CLASSES?!
STEP THREE!
ATTACK! ATTACK!ATTACK!ATTACKKKKK!!!
THIS IS THE EASIEST AND MOST SIMPLE STEP OF THE ENTIRE PROCESS! JUST DIG YOUR FINGERS INTO HIS HAIR AND GO!! MESS IT UP!! MESS. IT. UPPPPP!!
STEP FOUR!
ALSO KNOWN AS....
RUN LIKE SHIT!!!
DUDE, YOU JUST ASSAULTED A SLEEPING ESPADA?? WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?! DO YOU WANNA DIE?!!
LUCKILY, BEING SO ROUGHLY WOKEN UP FROM HIS SLEEP HAS THE BLESSED AFFECT OF STUNNING ULQUIORRA FOR THE FIRST FEW SECONDS. SO, WHILE HE'S SITTING UP IN BED WITH HIS HAIR STANDING UP EVERY-WHICH-WAY, THAT'S YOUR CUE TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
ONCE YOU MAKE IT PAST THE BEDROOM DOOR, DON'T STOP! KEEP GOING!
AND LAUGH! LAUGH THE WHOLE WAY!
BECAUSE YOU DID IT!!
YOU GAVE ULQUIORRA A WAKE-UP CALL!!!!
...I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY INJURIES AND/OR DEATH THAT MAY OCCUR SHOULD YOU FAIL TO FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS CORRECTLY.
TAKE CARE! AND HAPPY 4TH-ESPADA HUNTING! =)
HOWEVER... ATTEMPTING THIS DANGEROUS FEAT IS NO SIMPLE TASK, AND YOU MUST BE PROPERLY TRAINED BEFORE SETTING OUT ON YOUR MISSION!
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. TO EDJUMOCATE YOU ALL ON THIS MOST DANGEROUS, GLORIOUS THING...
GIVING ULQUIORRA A WAKE-UP CALL.
DOESN'T IT JUST SEND SHIVERS UP YOUR SPINE?! 8D
LET'S BEGIN WITH STEP ONE OF OUR TRAINING!
HERE WE HAVE THE PREY IN OUR SIGHTS. HE IS ASLEEP AND UNAWARE- UNCONSCIOUS TO THE WORLD AROUND HIM, YET STILL SO VERY DANGEROUS IF ONLY YOU WERE TO MAKE ONE WRONG MOVE ON ORIHIME'S HORRIBLY SQUEAKY FLOORBOARDS.
OUR FIRST LESSON IS TO LEARN HOW TO SNEAK UP ON ULQUIORRA!
FIRST, IT'S GOOD TO BRING SOME EARPHONES WITH YOU, SO YOU CAN PLAY THE MISSION IMPOSSIBLE THEME WHILE YOU NAVIGATE THE ROOM TOWARDS THE BED. THIS HELPS THE MOOD, AND GIVES YOU A +10 FOR THE SNEAK SKILL, WHICH ALWAYS COMES IN HANDY. IT ALSO GIVES YOU A +5 FOR HEROIC BRAVERY, WHICH IS ALSO AWESOME. JUST WATCH OUT FOR THE +20 IN COMIC FOOLERY, AS THAT WILL LIKELY MAKE YOU SLIP ON A BANANA INSTEAD.
STEP TWO!
OKAY, YOU'VE MANAGED TO SNEAK UP ON ULQUIORRA. WHAT'S NEXT? GETTING IN POSITION, OBVIOUSLY!
THIS TAKES REAL CLASS, AS YOU MUST KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO PEEK YOUR HEAD OVER THE SIDE OF HIS INNOCENTLY SLUMBERING BODY, PARTLY HIDDEN UNDERNEATH THE BEDCOVERS, WHICH ARE JUST BARELY MANAGING TO STAY ABOVE HIS CHEST, HIDING THE NAKED, FLAWLESS EXPANSE OF WHITE SKIN AND MASCULINE ABS RESTING JUST ABOVE HIS...
AHEM!
YOU MUST BE QUIET AND SLOW WITH THIS, AND HAVE THE APPROPRIATE SONG PLAYING IN YOUR HEADPHONES! (THE THEME FOR "THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY" WORKS VERY WELL HERE) GET YOUR HANDS ABOVE HIS HEAD AND IN POSITION AND YOU'RE ALL GOOD. AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU TOOK ALL THOSE NINJA TRAINING CLASSES?!
STEP THREE!
ATTACK! ATTACK!ATTACK!ATTACKKKKK!!!
THIS IS THE EASIEST AND MOST SIMPLE STEP OF THE ENTIRE PROCESS! JUST DIG YOUR FINGERS INTO HIS HAIR AND GO!! MESS IT UP!! MESS. IT. UPPPPP!!
STEP FOUR!
ALSO KNOWN AS....
RUN LIKE SHIT!!!
DUDE, YOU JUST ASSAULTED A SLEEPING ESPADA?? WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?! DO YOU WANNA DIE?!!
LUCKILY, BEING SO ROUGHLY WOKEN UP FROM HIS SLEEP HAS THE BLESSED AFFECT OF STUNNING ULQUIORRA FOR THE FIRST FEW SECONDS. SO, WHILE HE'S SITTING UP IN BED WITH HIS HAIR STANDING UP EVERY-WHICH-WAY, THAT'S YOUR CUE TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
ONCE YOU MAKE IT PAST THE BEDROOM DOOR, DON'T STOP! KEEP GOING!
AND LAUGH! LAUGH THE WHOLE WAY!
BECAUSE YOU DID IT!!
YOU GAVE ULQUIORRA A WAKE-UP CALL!!!!
...I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY INJURIES AND/OR DEATH THAT MAY OCCUR SHOULD YOU FAIL TO FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS CORRECTLY.
TAKE CARE! AND HAPPY 4TH-ESPADA HUNTING! =)