THE VARIOUS TRANSLATIONS OF THE VOLUME POEM

[chuuni]

SINCE THERE HAVE BEEN SINCERE DOUBTS OF MY INTEGRITY AS A TRANSLATOR ON THE INTARWEBZ REGARDING THIS POEM, AND THERE ARE NOTIONS THAT POEMS CANNOT BE SHIPPY IN AND OF THEMSELVES AND IF THEY ARE, THAT MUST MEAN I HAVE TWISTED THE MEANINGS. THEREFORE I PRESENT TO YOU THE FOLLOWING ALTERNATE VERSIONS OF THE POEM

THE PROPER, EDITTED FINAL VERSION THAT IS OBVIOUSLY LESS SHIPPY
THE HEART IS THE REASON I ENVY
THE HEART IS THE REASON I DEVOUR
THE HEART IS THE REASON I COVET
THE HEART IS THE REASON FOR MY CONCEIT
THE HEART IS THE REASON I LAZE
THE HEART IS THE REASON I RAGE
THE HEART IS THE REASON
I DESIRE YOUR ENTIRETY


EXTREMELY LONGWINDED VERSION
BECAUSE THE HEART EXISTS NOW, AND DUE TO IT, I FEEL JEALOUSY
BECAUSE THE HEART EXISTS NOW, AND DUE TO IT, I EAT LOTS
BECAUSE THE HEART EXISTS NOW, AND DUE TO IT, I SNATCH AND COVET
BECAUSE THE HEART EXISTS NOW, AND DUE TO IT, I AM ARROGANT
BECAUSE THE HEART EXISTS NOW, AND DUE TO IT, I LOUNGE AROUND
BECAUSE THE HEART EXISTS NOW, AND DUE TO IT, I GET ANGRY
BECAUSE THE HEART EXISTS NOW, AND DUE TO IT,
I DESIRE ALL AND EVERYTHING THAT IS YOU

TEENAGE GIRL VERSION
CUZ OF THE HEART, LIKE, I GET JELOUS
CUZ OF THE HEART, LIKE, I EAT 2 MUCH
CUZ OF THE HEART, LIKE, I WANT DIS NEW DRESS LOL
CUZ OF THE HEART, LIKE, I KNO IM BETTA THEN U ^_^
CUZ OF THE HEART, LIKE, I DUN WANNA GO OUT 2DAY
CUZ OF THE HEART, LIKE, I AM SOOOO F%#$% PISSED OFF!! >_<
CUZ OF THE HEART, LIKE,
I WANT U 2 B ALL MINE *^_^*

CHAPPY VERSION
BECAUSE OF THE HEART I ENVY PYON!
BECAUSE OF THE HEART I EAT PYON!
BECAUSE OF THE HEART I SNATCH PYON!
BECAUSE OF THE HEART I AM PROUD PYON!
BECAUSE OF THE HEART I AM LAZY PYON!
BECAUSE OF THE HEART I GET ANGRY PYON!
BECAUSE OF THE HEART PYON!
I WANT YOUR WHOLE YOU
PYON!!

ENGLISH DELINQUENT VERSION
THE FOCKIN’ HEART IS WHY I’M FOCKIN’ PISSED AT MOJO’S NEW FOCKIN’ BIKE!
THE FOCKIN’ HEART IS WHY I’M EATIN’ THIS FOCKIN’ LOAD OF SHIT!
THE FOCKIN’ HEART IS WHY I STOLE THAT FOCKIN’ OLD LADY’S FOCKIN’ PURSE!
THE FOCKIN’ HEART IS WHY I’M BETTER THAN THAT MOTHERFOCKER OVER THERE!
THE FOCKIN’ HEART IS WHY I CAN’T BE FOCKIN’ ARSED TO FOCKIN’ DO SHIT!
THE FOCKIN’ HEART IS WHY I’M FOCKIN’ FOCKIN’ PISSED AT FOCKIN’EVERYTHING!
THE FOCKIN’ HEART IS WHY...
OH JUST FOCKIN’ HAND OVER YOURSELF TO ME BITCH

I WELCOME MORE ADDITIONS.
I WOULD LOVE A SHAKESPEAREAN VERSION IF SOMEONE CAN DO IT XD