NOTORIOUS CUATRA ESPADA CONVICTED; LAWSUIT EXPECTED
OKAY, WELL... HERE IS MY ATONEMENT FOR COMMITTING THE HEINOUS CRIME OF LAPSLOCKING THE OTHER DAY AT THE HANDS OF halclouds. :O
I DON'T THINK THIS COUNTS AS A FANFIC, BUT IT WAS THE BEST I COULD THINK OF. ALSO, I AM NOT A LAWYER, NOR AM I REALLY A REPORTER. SO SOME OF THE TERMS MAY BE USED WRONG. BUT THIS IS CAPSLOCK, AFTER ALL. :COOKIE
IT IS A SERIES OF THREE NEWS REPORTS LOOSELY GOING ALONG WITH THE THEME I WAS GIVEN. THERE ARE PICTURES, SO BEWARE......... 8D
NOTORIOUS CUATRA ESPADA CONVICTED; LAWSUIT EXPECTED
--- SEPTEMBER 5, 2009
REPORTER: KARASUNOMAI
[HUECO MUNDO]
EARLIER THIS MORNING, THE ALLEGED CUATRA ESPADA OF AIZEN SOUSUKE’S ARRANCAR ARMY WAS AT LAST APPREHENDED AT THE HANDS OF KUROSAKI ICHIGO.
“I WALKED IN ON HIM MAKING A MOVE ON MY GIRLFRIEND.” SAID MR. KUROSAKI HIMSELF. “I CAUGHT HIM RED-HANDED. THERE’S NO WAY HE COULD POSSIBLY GET OUT OF THIS ONE.”
MUGSHOTS OF THE CONVICTED AS HE WAS BROUGHT INTO CUSTODY!!!
BUT THAT’S NOT THE ONLY SIDE OF THE STORY.
ACCORDING TO MR. CIFER, THE CONVICTED, THIS IS NOT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.
“I WAS ONLY ASKING HER A QUESTION.” THE ARRANCAR SAID. “MY HAND WAS ONLY HOVERING OVER HER CHEST FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT.”
WHEN ASKED WHAT QUESTION HE WAS ASKING OF INOUE ORIHIME, KUROSAKI ICHIGO’S GIRLFRIEND IN QUESTION, CIFER REFUSED TO REVEAL ANYTHING, SAYING IT WAS “A PERSONAL MATTER”.
DUE TO THE AMBIGUITY OF THIS CASE, A LAWSUIT IS EXPECTED IN COURTS THIS UPCOMING MONTH. KUROSAKI OBJECTED STRONGLY TO THE NEWS, SAYING THAT IT WAS ‘UNNECESSARY’ AND ‘NOT WORTH THE TIME’. HE SAID, “I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.”
CIFER AGAIN REFUSED TO COMMENT WHEN PRESENTED WITH THE NEWS OF THE LAWSUIT.
YET ANOTHER CURIOUS ASPECT OF THE CRIME; WHEN ASKED ABOUT KUROSAKI ICHIGO, INOUE ORIHIME RESPONDED WITH CONFUSION.
“BUT HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND.” SHE REVEALED. “I BARELY EVEN KNOW HIM.”
HMMM. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? AWAITING NEW UPDATES ON THIS MYSTERIOUS CASE HERE IN HUECO MUNDO NEWS STATION.
UNEXPECTED ELEMENTS ARISE; CUATRA ESPADA FRAMED?
--- SEPTEMBER 6, 2009
REPORTER: KARASUNOMAI
[HUECO MUNDO]
CONTINUING ON THE BAFFLING CASE OF KUROSAKI ICHIGO CONVICTING ULQUIORRA CIFER WITH THE TERMS OF MAKING A MOVE ON HIS GIRLFRIEND, INOUE ORIHIME.
IS CIFER REALLY GUILTY? AFTER A STRING OF ILLEGAL EMO PETITIONS AND A SWIFTLY GROWING RECORD WITH THE POLICE, IT WOULD CERTAINLY POINT TOWARDS THAT.
KUROSAKI, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS THE A+ STUDENT SHINIGAMI WHO HAS YET TO EVEN BRUSH THE LINE OF THE LAW.
BUT THE MOST BAFFLING ELEMENT OF THE STORY IS; INOUE DOES NOT ACTUALLY SEEM TO KNOW KUROSAKI. SHE HERSELF, WHEN QUESTIONED, REPLIED WITH CONFUSION. ACCORDING TO HER INPUT, KUROSAKI AND HER HAVE NEVER BEEN INVOLVED IN A RELATIONSHIP. SO WAS KUROSAKI LYING?
TODAY, WE ARE FEATURING AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE CONVICTED HIMSELF, ULQUIORRA CIFER.
[K = KARASUNOMAI, C = CIFER]
K: “SO MR. CIFER. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT BEING CONVICTED LIKE THIS?”
C: “WELL, THERE’S NOT MUCH I CAN SAY. BECAUSE I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON.”
K: “I SEE. ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DENY EVERYTHING YOU HAVE BEEN CONVICTED OF?”
C: “NOT EVERYTHING. I WAS THERE, AT THE SCENE, AND THE WOMAN WAS INDEED THERE WITH ME. KUROSAKI COULDN’T HAVE CHOSEN A WORSE TIME TO COME BUSTING IN.”
K: “AND WHAT ARE YOUR SENTIMENTS ON INOUE ORIHIME?”
C: “SHE’S A VERY INTERESTING WOMAN.”
K: “MEANING YOU WOULDN’T MIND MAKING A MOVE ON HER?”
C: “WELL, NO. I WOULDN’T MIND. BUT FROM MY KNOWLEDGE SHE DIDN’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. I AM NOT THE KIND OF GUY WHO WOULD FLIRT WITH SOMEONE WHO WAS TAKEN. THAT’S ALL I’M GOING TO SAY ON THE MATTER.”
K: “ALRIGHT THEN. WELL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME, MR. CIFER.”
----
SO IT SEEMS THAT CIFER WAS NOT AWARE OF ORIHIME’S SUPPOSED ‘TAKEN’ STATUS, EITHER. WHERE IS THIS GOING?
TUNE IN NEXT TIME AT HUECO MUNDO NEWS STATION TO FIND OUT MORE.
THE STUNNING CONCLUSION TO THE ONCE-BAFFLING CASE; CIFER NOT GUILTY, SURPRISING TWISTS
--- SEPTEMBER 7, 2009
REPORTER: KARASUNOMAI
[HUECO MUNDO]
TWO DAYS AGO, ACE SHINIGAMI KUROSAKI ICHIGO ARRESTED THE INFAMOUS ULQUIORRA CIFER ON THE TERMS OF MAKING A MOVE ON HIS [KUROSAKI’S] GIRLFRIEND, INOUE ORIHIME.
THIS, HOWEVER, WAS NOT THE CASE. EARLIER THIS MORNING, KUROSAKI ABRUPTLY CRACKED, CONFESSING TO THE PRESS THAT HE HAD, IN FACT, FRAMED CIFER FOR THE INCIDENT IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET INOUE TO GO OUT WITH HIM [KUROSAKI].
“MY LOGIC WAS SO IMPECCABLE.” KUROSAKI SPILT TO THE PRESS. “I MEAN, WHEN ORIHIME DOES SOMETHING IT’S ALWAYS FOR HER FRIENDS, FOR HER FRIENDS, FOR HER FRIENDS!!! SO I FIGURED IF I ELIMINATED ULQUIORRA AND BECAME INOUE’S FRIEND, SHE’D GO OUT WITH ME.
“ALSO, I DON’T CARE THAT THE WHOLE WORLD THINKS INOUE’S A TRAITOR. I BELIEVE WHAT MY HEART KNOWS OF HER. I DON’T CARE THAT I NEED TO GO BEYOND DYING TO PROTECT HER.
“I’M SHY AND ESPECIALLY GENTLE WITH HER; ‘CAUSE I THINK SHE’S OUT OF MY LEAGUE. I MEAN, ORIHIME IS THIS 100%-HUMAN, KIND GENTLE AND BIG-BREASTED BEAUTY, WHILE I’M JUST A TROUBLESOME, SCOWLY, PART-HUMAN, PART-SHINIGAMI, AND PART MONSTER NOTORIOUS GUY. THAT’S MY VIEW.
“AND FINALLY, TO FACE THE FACTS… IN THE END, ULQUIORRA IS A HOLLOW AND SHOUNEN AND THE BLEACH STORYLINE AS IT IS NOW, HAS NO TIME FOR TOO COMPLICATING LOVE SCENES. BEST STICK TO THE TRUTH OF A HUMAN GIRL WHO IS ACTUALLY IN LOVE WITH A HUMAN GUY AND THAT GUY OBVIOUSLY CARES AND MAY LEAD TO SOMETHING MORE, ORZ!!!”
AFTER KUROSAKI CONFESSED THAT HE FRAMED CIFER, THE LATTER WAS RELEASED FROM CUSTODY. HIS WHEREABOUTS ARE NOW UNKNOWN.
KUROSAKI IS NOW FACED WITH SEVERAL LAWSUITS FOR HIS PETTY CRIME. WHAT A SHAME. HE HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL!
BUT IF THERE IS ANYONE WHO IS THE MOST DEVASTATED BECAUSE OF THIS OCCURRENCE, THEN IT IS DEFINITELY MISS INOUE.
“I HAD NO IDEA HE THOUGHT I WAS AN INTERESTING WOMAN!” SHE SOBBED DURING THE TONIGHT SHOW. “I MEAN, I WAS SHOCKED WHEN HE ASKED ME THE OTHER DAY ABOUT HEARTS, BUT I NEVER IMAGINED… WHAT A POOR GUY! IF I EVER FIND HIM, I’LL ASK HIM OUT FOR COFFEE. AND I MEAN, WHO WOULDN’T? THAT MAN’S GOT KILLER ABS!”
INOUE AS SHE TEARFULLY CONFIDES SHE WOULD GIVE CIFER A CHANCE!!
INOUE ALSO REVEALED THAT IF KUROSAKI EVER MANAGES TO DETANGLE HIMSELF FROM THE MESS HE’S GOTTEN HIMSELF INTO, SHE WILL “NEVER LOOK AT HIS AWFUL FACE AGAIN”.
SO, I SUPPOSE ALL THOSE RABID, CRAZY, VICIOUS SHIPPERS SHOULD KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THEIR COMMON SENSE. DON’T LET IT RUN AWAY, LIKE THIS POOR FELLOW HERE!
EXCLUSIVE SHOT OF KUROSAKI AS HE IS DRAGGED FROM THE COURTHOUSE!!!
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