Calling maayacola and elanielyn up to bat.
A fastball for: maayacola and elanielyn
Pitching done by: A ninja turtle.
Title: innervate
Pairing: Ryo/Kame and not-so-significant doses of Nakamaru/Kame, Ryo/Ueda
Wordcount: ~4300
Rating: (not-so-explicit) Porn
Genre/Warning: Canon, kinks (blood, orgasm denial, biting), not romance, too much sex, (then again) not enough porn, Kame’s unrequited crush on Nakamaru, language, distinct lack of cuddling, too many arguments, characters who wouldn’t fall in love, hypothetical substance abuse, manipulative!Kame, manipulative!jerkass!Kame, really!manipulative!jerkass!Kame (but really, Kame’s kind of a bastard in this one), snarky!Ueda, painfully!naïve!Nakamaru, etc
Notes: To maayacola and elanielyn, I really respect you guys and it terrified me to receive you two as my assignment for my very first exchange. I really hope you guys will enjoy this! Thanks a lot to my dearest Z-chan, who spent a month listening to me ranting about this fic!
Summary: For them it’s an endless chase, a game with no rules. For the others, it has become a spectator sport.
~
Ryo has an addiction for reactions, or so that’s what Kame seems to have be saying to him.
“You know, I once thought you liked it if someone reacted to your words,” Kame says when they bump into each other in the pantry. “Therefore, I didn’t.”
Ryo gulps down the rest of the cup of coffee and huffs loudly after emptying the cup. “Finding solace in deceiving yourself with some motivational mumbo-jumbo?”
Kame looks back at him and winks as he struts towards the door. “At least I’m not the one who seeks comfort in inciting responses. Come and consult me when you become a certified sadist.”
Kame closes the pantry door behind him and Ryo hears the echoes of Kame’s smirk. “You know I’m interested in those stuffs.”
~
Ryo hates it when someone, in this case, Kame, gets verbally superior. It gets worse with people like Kame because they are both incredibly busy and they hardly get to see each other and therefore making it extremely easy to only remember their last conversation. And Ryo doesn’t like their last conversation.
Kame thinks that Ryo seeks “comfort in inciting responses”. The internet thinks that Ryo might be into sadism. 2chan thinks that Ryo’s a secret masochist. Everybody else doesn’t think, they just avoid having to be the receiving end of his “unkind” words. Kame might be on to something there.
If he thinks hard enough, Kame is no better.
~
Strangely enough, even though Ryo should have known better, Ueda seems to share Kame’s opinion.
“He’s right,” he says with a nonchalant expression. “The thing about Kame is that he’s always right. Why do you think I hated his guts? And what are you doing here, asking me to validate his opinion?”
“Is your band made of acid or something?” Ryo sneers. “Danger: All Members Are Definitely Corrosive. At Least Verbally.”
Ueda chuckles. Ryo sees is as a sign of affection. Also a proof of how his alleged addiction, symptoms of sadism, or whatever he has, isn’t abnormal.
After all, Ueda had-past tense-it worst and Ueda still gives a fuck-or a few, sometimes literally-about him.
“You shouldn’t take these things seriously, you know,” Ueda says. “Instead of wondering what he thinks, you should channel these ~feelings~ into your music,” he makes a guitar-strumming motion with his arms. If he must admit to himself, the visual is pretty adorable for someone who looks as weird as he does.
“And what are you doing here, validating Kame’s opinions of me?” Ryo asks.
“I quitted as the leader,” Ueda answers, “doesn’t mean I have to stop being one.”
“Why are you guys so nice to him? Don’t you all hate his guts?”
“That was so last year. We have a new person’s guts to hate now.”
Ryo sincerely hopes that Jin has built some sort of immunity against telepathic wrath.
~
Ryo doesn’t hate Kame, and Ryo doesn’t need to feel any extreme dislike to say “mean” things. But Ryo did think he was ugly because he really was.
That was before Kame allowed himself to be seen. His real self.
Hanging out with Yamapi makes Ryo realise that the price of popularity is either artistic credential or personal integrity. For both Yamapi and Kame, both.
Sometimes Ryo wonders if Kame ever felt confined, ever felt chained with a golden leash, ever felt deprived of a real desire.
Ryo doesn’t hate him, but he doesn’t like him either.
He’s just fascinated, he guesses. And going by his own definition, fascination and affection are worlds away from each other.
~
He bumps into Kame in Koyama’s family restaurant and the waitress (one of Koyama’s distant cousins) invites him to the VIP section specifically prepared to host the more distinguished guests. Ryo expected to see Nakamaru too, but it’s only Kame who’s there. He’s wearing a pair of huge sunglasses which are completely inappropriate to be worn indoors, a cap and a jacket over a loose white shirt.
“I’m just here for a fast lunch, heading out to Osaka in a while,” Kame says, explaining his presence.
“I didn’t ask,” Ryo responds.
“I was just offering,” Kame deadpans without looking up. “Might come in handy during some random interviews.”
He has been hearing a lot about how amiable Kame is, but Ryo doesn’t remember seeing any evidences of it. Thing is, they sort of parted ways after their joint Dream Boys and never really got to know each other better.
He has the conflicted reports to blame. There is this distinct division between people around him when it comes to Kame. There are the ones who seem to have been hypnotised into being his fanclub member, like Tegoshi, Subaru, Yoko, and there are the ones who seem to think that his existence in the world causes major earthquakes and political discords. People who belong to the second category are the likes of Jin and whoever patient enough to listen to him.
Maybe time has the ability to ferment awkwardness into hostile indifference.
Or maybe Kame has stopped being ugly and him not being ugly anymore gets on Ryo’s nerves.
Kame finishes his bowl of ramen and picks up his bag.
“I need to go now,” he says. “Have a great day.”
~
Ryo finds this sudden surge of unidentified emotions for Kame unsettling.
For someone who allegedly thrives off others’ reactions towards his words, he seems to be the one being tested.
~
“After all these years, why is it only now that you’re having introspections about the way you communicate?” Yamapi asks, half yawning on the other side of the line. It’s pretty early in America right now.
Ryo drops to his bed. “I’m probably not the most attentive person on earth, but I’m not stupid. I know what to ignore. People calling me mean is one of them.”
“And yet you let Shuuji unnerve you?”
“You guys are gross,” Ryo winces. “It has been like, ten years since that stupid drama. Any normal person would have stopped the gimmick by now.”
“It’s not a gimmick, Ryo-chan,” and Ryo winces again, “he’s a nice guy.”
Ryo doesn’t know what to answer, because truth be told it was only an opinion of Kame’s that was the trigger.
If he had known this is what talking to Kame causes, he would have never spoken to him. Not even a word.
~
Ryo’s the idol with a blade as a tongue and a taser for a glare, but a friend with a fierce loyalty and a man with a heart of glass.
Kame’s the idol with pseudo-obedience as an avatar and a chess master’s brain for a weapon, and Ryo wonders if his blade has been dulled in the face of such a combination.
~
“You said that I might have an addiction,” Ryo starts the phone call.
“What is this about?” Kame asks grumpily. He didn’t answer the first few calls earlier; Ryo thinks that he might have been training in the gym.
“You were the one who said something about me, let me quote you, “seeking comfort in inciting responses”, unquote you,” Ryo answers, making quotation gestures with his fingers, “you tell me.”
“Are you calling just to tell me that you can’t stop thinking about me?”
“Your words are not you.”
“Then why are you calling me?”
Ryo slumps against the wall he’s leaning on and wonders when did a simple exchange become a dangerous game Kame obviously doesn’t want to lose. He thinks he might be seeing what Jin was talking about when he was complaining about Kame.
“Obviously because you can’t wait to say it to me again.”
“I think you’re a sadist and you love it when people respond to you,” Kame says immediately. “Here. Done. How’s that for me who couldn’t wait to say anything to you again?”
“You’re good.”
“You’re welcome.”
“But you were wrong.”
“No, I just wasn’t 100% right.”
“I can prove it.”
“I don’t need the evidence. Good night, Ryo.”
At that, Ryo hangs up. They both know that they don’t need a verbal agreement to continue the game.
~
Ryo doesn’t start memorising Kame’s schedule because he suddenly cares. It’s not hard to predict his whereabouts once he start paying more attention to the television and concert schedules.
The sentiment feels mutual.
Even though he finds himself “bumping” into Kame more often, neither seems startled at the frequency of the occurrences.
~
Ryo pulls Kame into the emergency exit and locks the door.
“Quite a sketchy place to have a quickie, don’t you think so?” Kame remarks.
Ryo pins Kame’s hands to the wall. “What makes you think I want to have anything of that sort with you?”
Kame licks his lips. “I just remember something about telling you to come and consult me when you become a certified sadist,” he says, eyeing Ryo from top to bottom, “I guess you are now.”
“You’re not different, you know,” Ryo hisses. “You see,” he drawls, lips trailing along his cheekbone, “I don’t sense any resistance from you.”
Kame wrestles himself free. His eyes meets Ryo’s with a visible intention to burn a hole in them. “Is this your game plan? To drag me into your fetish?”
“You love contradicting yourself, don’t you?” Ryo snickers. “See, if I’m a sadist, then you’re a masochist. Terms I believe you’re more than well-versed with.”
Kame pulls Ryo to his chest and plants a violent kiss on his lips. Ryo immediately feels himself sucked into the kiss, hands gripping and nails digging into Kame’s back. The kiss itself is a race, a competition to exhaust the other, and neither is yielding. Ryo pushes Kame back against the wall, and pushes him again when he struggles against the pressure. He knows that Kame’s stronger than him but he never knew that it could take such an effort to make him stay in place.
There’s an excruciating sting on Ryo’s bottom lip and he pulls himself away from Kame, who has trickles of blood visible on his teeth and lips. Kame smirks and the sight of him smirking with his blood on his lips does things to his system that probably have nothing to do with their kiss just now.
It was not a bad kiss, not at all, Ryo thinks as he wipes his mouth with the hem of his sleeves. He might have even enjoyed it, even with the bitter metallic aftertaste and the unrelentingly lingering scent of Kame’s cologne.
For the first time in his life, it feels like he knows what it’s like to be involuntarily anesthetised.
The next time, Ryo promises himself, he won’t let Kame get away with anything, let alone his blood.
~
They see each other rather often nowadays, exchanging shifty glances and wordless flirtations.
For them it’s an endless chase, a game with no rules. For the others, it has become a spectator sport.
~
“We make bets, you know,” Ueda says while lifting the dumbbell with his right arm. Ryo and Ueda work out in the same gym. Ryo wasn’t happy when he first saw Ueda showing up and used to call Ueda a copycat until he saw the bruises on the wall made by Ueda when Ueda misaimed a punch.
“On what?” Ryo grunts as he lifts himself up doing push-ups.
“When you guys will start punching each other,” Ueda answers. “Nakamaru’s worried, mostly about Kame, but he thinks that you guys will stop whatever you guys are doing in a few weeks’ time. Koki and Taguchi bet two weeks max, and between them, they also have bets about what sexual positions you guys would be using. I couldn’t call Jin, he’s probably busy with “things”. That’s all.”
Ryo completes his hundred push-ups and sits to stretch his legs. “That’s all? What was your bet?”
“I said that you guys have already fucked,” Ueda says, lifting another dumbbell with his left arm. “Judging by Kame’s recent behaviour, I think I’m right.”
“Don’t joke with me,” Ryo says, “if that was a fuck, he’s much easier than I thought.”
Ueda slurps from his bottle. “I didn’t say anything about Kame actually saying it.”
“You’re getting ridiculously good at looking innocent while interrogating,” Ryo sighs in resignation.
“And you’re getting ridiculously easy to weedle out personal information from,” Ueda laughs. Ryo’s starting to feel like Ueda’s being condescending.
“I changed my mind, your band is made of toxic.”
Right before Ryo gets up, Ueda sits next to him on the mat. “Whatever you do, be careful.”
“Why, because Kame’s a crybaby who needs his bandmates to shield him from all the evil?”
“No, because he can be a bitch to handle if things go wrong.”
It doesn’t matter whether KAT-TUN are babysitters; it means nothing if the baby in question wouldn’t behave.
~
Their next rendezvous is in a considerably sketchier environment than their previous one -the storeroom for broken stage props.
“I’m starting to doubt your choices of places to have sex,” Kame says in between hungry kisses.
“Say that after we actually fuck,” Ryo moans back, hand slipping inside Kame’s shirt. He pushes Kame so that he’s now seated on a table, which is making creaking sounds from a broken leg and Kame lets out a startled groan.
“You’re serious,” Kame pants, voice shaking with anticipation.
Ryo strokes Kame’s head and grabs a handful of his hair to pull him close to his face. “I hope you’re not thinking of denying me.”
Kame lowers his face so that their lips meet for a slow, dangerous kiss. “Is that you offering me a choice?”
Ryo’s grip in Kame’s hair tightens. “That was me not leaving you with any.”
His hand travels impatiently to Kame’s crotch but Kame stops him before he can undo his zippers.
“Not now,” his words come out as a breath and Ryo suddenly finds himself numbed by the denial. Kame’s hand slips Ryo’s shirt off his shoulder, and his tongue begins licking Ryo’s collarbone. The hot, wet contact sends his body into a frenzy state and his senses are confusing gratuitous desires with compulsive needs. He tightens his grip on Kame’s belt, and when his tongue reaches the side of his ear, he whispers again, this time right into his ear.
“Not until I say so.”
Ryo finds himself coming undone and he lets Kame tangle his fingers in his hair, lock their lips and entwine their tongues, use his free hand to stroke his cock and run his hand up and down, and make it harder with every stroke. Ryo doesn’t stop him, doesn’t want to stop him, doesn’t have the power to stop him.
This, he thinks, must be some sort of black magic. That, or Kame’s a walking, breathing brand of drug.
“Come for me,” Kame suggests.
Ryo reaches for Kame’s bulge and massages it. “You first.”
He can feel that Kame’s grinning. How does he do that, getting hard and being able to grin at the same time?
“Stubborn, aren’t you?”
Ryo moves his hand to shove Kame’s hand off his cock and pushes him slightly backwards on the table.
“Try me.”
He’s suddenly thrown backwards, his pants and shirt flying open. When he looks up, Kame’s already dressed, heading towards the door. He doesn’t know how anyone who can move this fast.
“I tried you,” he says, still with that grin plastered on his face. “I’ll let you tell me if I can try you again.”
~
Ryo’s starting to believe Ueda when it comes to Kame.
“Told you he could be a bitch to deal with.”
Ryo sends a punch towards the sandbag.
“Yeah, and you also should have told me that he’s a lizard in human form.”
Ueda bursts into laughter. “You tell him that. He likes being praised. Ask Nakamaru.”
Ryo’s face contorts in disgust. “How is that praise?”
Ueda merely pats his back.
~
“Bend a little more,” Ryo growls as he pushes in harder. Kame twists his head to glare at him, but obeys anyway.
Ryo lowers himself to Kame’s back as he thrusts in slowly and lifts his shirt to expose his back. He kisses his back and lets his hand travel to his hip as he takes in the scent of his body. He can feel Kame’s hands shaking as he trembles with his thrusts and a huge part of him is finding this moment a mental orgasm even if he’s only physically halfway there.
Kame groans loudly, maybe even painfully, after a particularly hard thrust and Ryo comes immediately.
He collapses on Kame’s back and leaves a bite mark on his shoulder, like a cat marking its territory.
~
To Ryo’s surprise, Kame doesn’t bother hiding the marks he left on his body.
Nakamaru appears to be in a constant state of protectiveness towards Kame, like a mother hen towards her chick. He keeps offering Kame jackets, cardigans and argyle sweaters.
Ryo finds it unnerving how Kame doesn’t seem to be affected in any way.
He’s definitely more than a drug, Ryo thinks. Maybe even a drug dealer who uses his own body as his commodity.
~
Yamapi returns from America to a schedule that resembles hell on earth and with a more questionable sense of fashion.
“I leave for a few months and you’re getting it on with my Shuuji-kun,” Yamapi gulps down the pint of beer. “I’m impressed. Honestly.”
Ryo gives a disgruntled grumble. “Your Shuuji-kun?” he says, still unwilling to take the drama reference kindly.
“You guys fucked, right?” Yamapi asks.
Ryo doesn’t answer.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
Ryo shakes his own pint in deep thought and starts. “Put it this way,” his head spins a summary, “it was like we were both huge rocks colliding in the space and then when I thought I was the one who had the upper hand, I shattered.”
“What happened to the other rock?”
Ryo takes a sip from his pint. “It became a star.”
~
Kame throws his head back closer to the armrest of the couch, tugs at Ryo’s hipbone as Ryo’s tongue plays with his nipples and makes a contented sigh that sounds like it was extracted from a porn movie. Maybe better.
His body presses downwards more and he starts straddling Kame as he feels Kame’s legs running up and down his. He’s starting to get accustomed to Kame’s body and his erotic points, places like the spot a few inches below his belly button, the spot in the middle of his chest, the spot right below his ribcage -Kame has this unrivalled ability to create an imaginary scale using the intensity of his voice to indicate the potency of the spot.
When Kame comes with a delicious groan, Ryo’s left shivering and wondering if Kame had taken him apart with that blood-soaked kiss and then reconstructed him into an aphrodisiac he can call his own.
~
Ryo makes disconcerting observations as he watches the way Kame behaves around people that are not Ryo.
Particularly, around people like Nakamaru, the baseball players, Kitamura, women, etc. Nakamaru’s the easiest subject because Kame acts like a sick puppy next to him, constantly demanding his attention. There are the constant cries for “Yucchi, Yucchi”, there are the constant blinding smiles, and there are the constant affectionate touches.
He remembers the voracious roars during sex, the blood Kame drew from the ruthless scratching and the vicious glares as he came; he’s surprised that no one has diagnosed Kame of severe multiple personality disorder.
He was wrong in saying that Kame’s no different from him when it comes to seeking pleasure in inciting responses. Kame’s a master in dealing with people who don’t give a fuck about fucking him and a beast in dealing with people who do.
~
Kame calls him one night.
“You don’t strike me as a stalkerish person,” he says, “but anyway, Nakamaru’s asking.”
“And so the boyfriend’s asking,” Ryo responses snidely. “Are you sparing the poor guy’s brain of the gross details of say, your weak spots?”
Kame’s laughs are nauseatingly casual, like he has expected such answers from Ryo. “You’re becoming quite predictable, do you know that?”
“I’m not the one calling the lover to hide secret trysts from his boyfriend.”
“I wish,” Kame says. “Sadly, he has never even kissed me for real.”
“That’s kinda rich of you. You get to seduce an innocent bandmate and keep another man at the same time.”
“I hope you realise that you just called yourself a kept man.”
“And I hope you realise that you’re the one with something at stake.”
“And that “something at stake” would be?”
“I don’t know, your future with your beloved Yucchi?”
“Don’t underestimate me. Whatever I have with you changes nothing.”
“And yet you call me in the middle of the night to ask me to lay off your beloved Nakamaru-kun.”
“Mostly I called to argue,” Kame replies, “and I’m glad I did because now I know that you’re jealous of Yucchi.”
Kame ends the sentence by hanging up the phone and Ryo has to fight the impulse to throw the phone across the room.
~
“If sex is your problem, stop having it,” Koki suggests as they take a stroll along the hallways of the jimusho with Ueda. They were supposed to have this meeting with the manager regarding some future programme but it got cancelled last minute and Ryo bumped into them as they left the meeting room.
Ryo kicks Ueda’s calf, their code language for “what the hell why did you tell other people my private stuff”.
Ryo’s lucky that Nakamaru and Kame appear from the right corner and Ryo immediately excuses himself.
When he glances back, he sees that Kame’s taking out his handkerchief to wipe the non-existent sweat off Nakamaru’s face, muttering something about “Ojii-chan, you must have been tired” to a woefully unaware Nakamaru.
~
Right before Ryo sleeps, he sees the two rocks heading for a crash in his mind and when they come to a halt, everything around them becomes a vacuum.
~
Kame locks the door behind him and starts taking his clothes off, but Ryo stops him. Kame looks amused.
“Then what do you want to do today?”
Ryo draws him close and kisses him softly on the lips. Kame freezes on the spot and Ryo sees his chance. He takes Kame’s hand in his and squeezes it gently, then brushes their noses together as they part briefly.
Kame’s confusion is evident in his eyes. “What is this?”
Ryo hushes him. “Close your eyes and just let me kiss you.”
“Ryo,” Kame whispers as they kiss again, hesitation audible in his voice. “What’s going on?”
He cups his cheeks with his palms.
“I think you have become my addiction.”
~
Ryo isn’t stupid.
Kame’s not in love with him, not in lust with him, not even close to liking him.
Ryo’s nothing but an easy target and an easy lay, and he knows that Kame’s using that to his benefits.
He’s a manipulative bastard like that.
~
“Really?” Kame asks, voice steady and unwavering.
“All this time I thought I was using you to prove something,” Ryo whispers, “but I got myself wrapped around your fingers and I didn’t even know it.”
Kame’s lips quiver with an intense mix of excitement and anticipation.
“Defeat has a price, you know.”
“I know,” Ryo answers, kissing Kame deeply. His chest becomes heavy, his head spins frantically and his heart begins to beat to a song. “It’s a price I wouldn’t know how to pay for.”
Kame pushes him away furiously.
“You can start by stop kissing me.”
He storms towards the door and slams it close, leaving Ryo with his head hanging low.
Kame’s a sword straight through his chest, and that’s the difference, he realises with a start, between lust and love.
~
Ueda says that Kame, as a co-worker, is a people-pleaser, but to Ryo it means that Kame doesn’t know how to make himself happy.
Ueda says that Kame, as an idol, is the human equivalent to a robot, but to Ryo it means that Kame’s true self is amalgamated with the steel he wears as his skin.
Nakamaru says that Kame, as a friend, needs attention, but to Ryo it means that he has been focusing too much on what he said to care about what he actually meant.
He wonders if his feelings can be a message in a bottle, so that the tides of the sea can wash it away.
~
Kame finds him in the pantry and drags him by the wrist into an empty room.
“I think you should go out with Nakamaru,” Ryo says when they stay silent for what seems like hours.
“That’s not what I’m here to talk about,” Kame says.
He inches close to Ryo.
“Look, neither of us knew what got between the two of us, but the idea of you and me being a sappy couple, it doesn’t work.”
He pulls Ryo by the hem of his shirt to him and their lips meet. Ryo feels as light as a hydrogen balloon, carrying all the weight of the world as he floats to the sky.
“If we don’t work as a sappy couple, what are you doing here kissing me?” Ryo asks.
“I was thinking,” Kame says as he plays with Ryo’s ear. “Maybe we can work as something simpler. Like we can start falling in love, for example.”
“I think you like it when there are risks involved in things you do.”
Kame smirks. “Are you trying to say that you’re a risk?”
“Just that you’re addicted to risks, but yes, I might be one.”
Kame kisses him lightly and struts towards the door. “Come and consult me when you’re a certified romantic. I might be interested.”
~
Pitching done by: A ninja turtle.
Title: innervate
Pairing: Ryo/Kame and not-so-significant doses of Nakamaru/Kame, Ryo/Ueda
Wordcount: ~4300
Rating: (not-so-explicit) Porn
Genre/Warning: Canon, kinks (blood, orgasm denial, biting), not romance, too much sex, (then again) not enough porn, Kame’s unrequited crush on Nakamaru, language, distinct lack of cuddling, too many arguments, characters who wouldn’t fall in love, hypothetical substance abuse, manipulative!Kame, manipulative!jerkass!Kame, really!manipulative!jerkass!Kame (but really, Kame’s kind of a bastard in this one), snarky!Ueda, painfully!naïve!Nakamaru, etc
Notes: To maayacola and elanielyn, I really respect you guys and it terrified me to receive you two as my assignment for my very first exchange. I really hope you guys will enjoy this! Thanks a lot to my dearest Z-chan, who spent a month listening to me ranting about this fic!
Summary: For them it’s an endless chase, a game with no rules. For the others, it has become a spectator sport.
~
Ryo has an addiction for reactions, or so that’s what Kame seems to have be saying to him.
“You know, I once thought you liked it if someone reacted to your words,” Kame says when they bump into each other in the pantry. “Therefore, I didn’t.”
Ryo gulps down the rest of the cup of coffee and huffs loudly after emptying the cup. “Finding solace in deceiving yourself with some motivational mumbo-jumbo?”
Kame looks back at him and winks as he struts towards the door. “At least I’m not the one who seeks comfort in inciting responses. Come and consult me when you become a certified sadist.”
Kame closes the pantry door behind him and Ryo hears the echoes of Kame’s smirk. “You know I’m interested in those stuffs.”
~
Ryo hates it when someone, in this case, Kame, gets verbally superior. It gets worse with people like Kame because they are both incredibly busy and they hardly get to see each other and therefore making it extremely easy to only remember their last conversation. And Ryo doesn’t like their last conversation.
Kame thinks that Ryo seeks “comfort in inciting responses”. The internet thinks that Ryo might be into sadism. 2chan thinks that Ryo’s a secret masochist. Everybody else doesn’t think, they just avoid having to be the receiving end of his “unkind” words. Kame might be on to something there.
If he thinks hard enough, Kame is no better.
~
Strangely enough, even though Ryo should have known better, Ueda seems to share Kame’s opinion.
“He’s right,” he says with a nonchalant expression. “The thing about Kame is that he’s always right. Why do you think I hated his guts? And what are you doing here, asking me to validate his opinion?”
“Is your band made of acid or something?” Ryo sneers. “Danger: All Members Are Definitely Corrosive. At Least Verbally.”
Ueda chuckles. Ryo sees is as a sign of affection. Also a proof of how his alleged addiction, symptoms of sadism, or whatever he has, isn’t abnormal.
After all, Ueda had-past tense-it worst and Ueda still gives a fuck-or a few, sometimes literally-about him.
“You shouldn’t take these things seriously, you know,” Ueda says. “Instead of wondering what he thinks, you should channel these ~feelings~ into your music,” he makes a guitar-strumming motion with his arms. If he must admit to himself, the visual is pretty adorable for someone who looks as weird as he does.
“And what are you doing here, validating Kame’s opinions of me?” Ryo asks.
“I quitted as the leader,” Ueda answers, “doesn’t mean I have to stop being one.”
“Why are you guys so nice to him? Don’t you all hate his guts?”
“That was so last year. We have a new person’s guts to hate now.”
Ryo sincerely hopes that Jin has built some sort of immunity against telepathic wrath.
~
Ryo doesn’t hate Kame, and Ryo doesn’t need to feel any extreme dislike to say “mean” things. But Ryo did think he was ugly because he really was.
That was before Kame allowed himself to be seen. His real self.
Hanging out with Yamapi makes Ryo realise that the price of popularity is either artistic credential or personal integrity. For both Yamapi and Kame, both.
Sometimes Ryo wonders if Kame ever felt confined, ever felt chained with a golden leash, ever felt deprived of a real desire.
Ryo doesn’t hate him, but he doesn’t like him either.
He’s just fascinated, he guesses. And going by his own definition, fascination and affection are worlds away from each other.
~
He bumps into Kame in Koyama’s family restaurant and the waitress (one of Koyama’s distant cousins) invites him to the VIP section specifically prepared to host the more distinguished guests. Ryo expected to see Nakamaru too, but it’s only Kame who’s there. He’s wearing a pair of huge sunglasses which are completely inappropriate to be worn indoors, a cap and a jacket over a loose white shirt.
“I’m just here for a fast lunch, heading out to Osaka in a while,” Kame says, explaining his presence.
“I didn’t ask,” Ryo responds.
“I was just offering,” Kame deadpans without looking up. “Might come in handy during some random interviews.”
He has been hearing a lot about how amiable Kame is, but Ryo doesn’t remember seeing any evidences of it. Thing is, they sort of parted ways after their joint Dream Boys and never really got to know each other better.
He has the conflicted reports to blame. There is this distinct division between people around him when it comes to Kame. There are the ones who seem to have been hypnotised into being his fanclub member, like Tegoshi, Subaru, Yoko, and there are the ones who seem to think that his existence in the world causes major earthquakes and political discords. People who belong to the second category are the likes of Jin and whoever patient enough to listen to him.
Maybe time has the ability to ferment awkwardness into hostile indifference.
Or maybe Kame has stopped being ugly and him not being ugly anymore gets on Ryo’s nerves.
Kame finishes his bowl of ramen and picks up his bag.
“I need to go now,” he says. “Have a great day.”
~
Ryo finds this sudden surge of unidentified emotions for Kame unsettling.
For someone who allegedly thrives off others’ reactions towards his words, he seems to be the one being tested.
~
“After all these years, why is it only now that you’re having introspections about the way you communicate?” Yamapi asks, half yawning on the other side of the line. It’s pretty early in America right now.
Ryo drops to his bed. “I’m probably not the most attentive person on earth, but I’m not stupid. I know what to ignore. People calling me mean is one of them.”
“And yet you let Shuuji unnerve you?”
“You guys are gross,” Ryo winces. “It has been like, ten years since that stupid drama. Any normal person would have stopped the gimmick by now.”
“It’s not a gimmick, Ryo-chan,” and Ryo winces again, “he’s a nice guy.”
Ryo doesn’t know what to answer, because truth be told it was only an opinion of Kame’s that was the trigger.
If he had known this is what talking to Kame causes, he would have never spoken to him. Not even a word.
~
Ryo’s the idol with a blade as a tongue and a taser for a glare, but a friend with a fierce loyalty and a man with a heart of glass.
Kame’s the idol with pseudo-obedience as an avatar and a chess master’s brain for a weapon, and Ryo wonders if his blade has been dulled in the face of such a combination.
~
“You said that I might have an addiction,” Ryo starts the phone call.
“What is this about?” Kame asks grumpily. He didn’t answer the first few calls earlier; Ryo thinks that he might have been training in the gym.
“You were the one who said something about me, let me quote you, “seeking comfort in inciting responses”, unquote you,” Ryo answers, making quotation gestures with his fingers, “you tell me.”
“Are you calling just to tell me that you can’t stop thinking about me?”
“Your words are not you.”
“Then why are you calling me?”
Ryo slumps against the wall he’s leaning on and wonders when did a simple exchange become a dangerous game Kame obviously doesn’t want to lose. He thinks he might be seeing what Jin was talking about when he was complaining about Kame.
“Obviously because you can’t wait to say it to me again.”
“I think you’re a sadist and you love it when people respond to you,” Kame says immediately. “Here. Done. How’s that for me who couldn’t wait to say anything to you again?”
“You’re good.”
“You’re welcome.”
“But you were wrong.”
“No, I just wasn’t 100% right.”
“I can prove it.”
“I don’t need the evidence. Good night, Ryo.”
At that, Ryo hangs up. They both know that they don’t need a verbal agreement to continue the game.
~
Ryo doesn’t start memorising Kame’s schedule because he suddenly cares. It’s not hard to predict his whereabouts once he start paying more attention to the television and concert schedules.
The sentiment feels mutual.
Even though he finds himself “bumping” into Kame more often, neither seems startled at the frequency of the occurrences.
~
Ryo pulls Kame into the emergency exit and locks the door.
“Quite a sketchy place to have a quickie, don’t you think so?” Kame remarks.
Ryo pins Kame’s hands to the wall. “What makes you think I want to have anything of that sort with you?”
Kame licks his lips. “I just remember something about telling you to come and consult me when you become a certified sadist,” he says, eyeing Ryo from top to bottom, “I guess you are now.”
“You’re not different, you know,” Ryo hisses. “You see,” he drawls, lips trailing along his cheekbone, “I don’t sense any resistance from you.”
Kame wrestles himself free. His eyes meets Ryo’s with a visible intention to burn a hole in them. “Is this your game plan? To drag me into your fetish?”
“You love contradicting yourself, don’t you?” Ryo snickers. “See, if I’m a sadist, then you’re a masochist. Terms I believe you’re more than well-versed with.”
Kame pulls Ryo to his chest and plants a violent kiss on his lips. Ryo immediately feels himself sucked into the kiss, hands gripping and nails digging into Kame’s back. The kiss itself is a race, a competition to exhaust the other, and neither is yielding. Ryo pushes Kame back against the wall, and pushes him again when he struggles against the pressure. He knows that Kame’s stronger than him but he never knew that it could take such an effort to make him stay in place.
There’s an excruciating sting on Ryo’s bottom lip and he pulls himself away from Kame, who has trickles of blood visible on his teeth and lips. Kame smirks and the sight of him smirking with his blood on his lips does things to his system that probably have nothing to do with their kiss just now.
It was not a bad kiss, not at all, Ryo thinks as he wipes his mouth with the hem of his sleeves. He might have even enjoyed it, even with the bitter metallic aftertaste and the unrelentingly lingering scent of Kame’s cologne.
For the first time in his life, it feels like he knows what it’s like to be involuntarily anesthetised.
The next time, Ryo promises himself, he won’t let Kame get away with anything, let alone his blood.
~
They see each other rather often nowadays, exchanging shifty glances and wordless flirtations.
For them it’s an endless chase, a game with no rules. For the others, it has become a spectator sport.
~
“We make bets, you know,” Ueda says while lifting the dumbbell with his right arm. Ryo and Ueda work out in the same gym. Ryo wasn’t happy when he first saw Ueda showing up and used to call Ueda a copycat until he saw the bruises on the wall made by Ueda when Ueda misaimed a punch.
“On what?” Ryo grunts as he lifts himself up doing push-ups.
“When you guys will start punching each other,” Ueda answers. “Nakamaru’s worried, mostly about Kame, but he thinks that you guys will stop whatever you guys are doing in a few weeks’ time. Koki and Taguchi bet two weeks max, and between them, they also have bets about what sexual positions you guys would be using. I couldn’t call Jin, he’s probably busy with “things”. That’s all.”
Ryo completes his hundred push-ups and sits to stretch his legs. “That’s all? What was your bet?”
“I said that you guys have already fucked,” Ueda says, lifting another dumbbell with his left arm. “Judging by Kame’s recent behaviour, I think I’m right.”
“Don’t joke with me,” Ryo says, “if that was a fuck, he’s much easier than I thought.”
Ueda slurps from his bottle. “I didn’t say anything about Kame actually saying it.”
“You’re getting ridiculously good at looking innocent while interrogating,” Ryo sighs in resignation.
“And you’re getting ridiculously easy to weedle out personal information from,” Ueda laughs. Ryo’s starting to feel like Ueda’s being condescending.
“I changed my mind, your band is made of toxic.”
Right before Ryo gets up, Ueda sits next to him on the mat. “Whatever you do, be careful.”
“Why, because Kame’s a crybaby who needs his bandmates to shield him from all the evil?”
“No, because he can be a bitch to handle if things go wrong.”
It doesn’t matter whether KAT-TUN are babysitters; it means nothing if the baby in question wouldn’t behave.
~
Their next rendezvous is in a considerably sketchier environment than their previous one -the storeroom for broken stage props.
“I’m starting to doubt your choices of places to have sex,” Kame says in between hungry kisses.
“Say that after we actually fuck,” Ryo moans back, hand slipping inside Kame’s shirt. He pushes Kame so that he’s now seated on a table, which is making creaking sounds from a broken leg and Kame lets out a startled groan.
“You’re serious,” Kame pants, voice shaking with anticipation.
Ryo strokes Kame’s head and grabs a handful of his hair to pull him close to his face. “I hope you’re not thinking of denying me.”
Kame lowers his face so that their lips meet for a slow, dangerous kiss. “Is that you offering me a choice?”
Ryo’s grip in Kame’s hair tightens. “That was me not leaving you with any.”
His hand travels impatiently to Kame’s crotch but Kame stops him before he can undo his zippers.
“Not now,” his words come out as a breath and Ryo suddenly finds himself numbed by the denial. Kame’s hand slips Ryo’s shirt off his shoulder, and his tongue begins licking Ryo’s collarbone. The hot, wet contact sends his body into a frenzy state and his senses are confusing gratuitous desires with compulsive needs. He tightens his grip on Kame’s belt, and when his tongue reaches the side of his ear, he whispers again, this time right into his ear.
“Not until I say so.”
Ryo finds himself coming undone and he lets Kame tangle his fingers in his hair, lock their lips and entwine their tongues, use his free hand to stroke his cock and run his hand up and down, and make it harder with every stroke. Ryo doesn’t stop him, doesn’t want to stop him, doesn’t have the power to stop him.
This, he thinks, must be some sort of black magic. That, or Kame’s a walking, breathing brand of drug.
“Come for me,” Kame suggests.
Ryo reaches for Kame’s bulge and massages it. “You first.”
He can feel that Kame’s grinning. How does he do that, getting hard and being able to grin at the same time?
“Stubborn, aren’t you?”
Ryo moves his hand to shove Kame’s hand off his cock and pushes him slightly backwards on the table.
“Try me.”
He’s suddenly thrown backwards, his pants and shirt flying open. When he looks up, Kame’s already dressed, heading towards the door. He doesn’t know how anyone who can move this fast.
“I tried you,” he says, still with that grin plastered on his face. “I’ll let you tell me if I can try you again.”
~
Ryo’s starting to believe Ueda when it comes to Kame.
“Told you he could be a bitch to deal with.”
Ryo sends a punch towards the sandbag.
“Yeah, and you also should have told me that he’s a lizard in human form.”
Ueda bursts into laughter. “You tell him that. He likes being praised. Ask Nakamaru.”
Ryo’s face contorts in disgust. “How is that praise?”
Ueda merely pats his back.
~
“Bend a little more,” Ryo growls as he pushes in harder. Kame twists his head to glare at him, but obeys anyway.
Ryo lowers himself to Kame’s back as he thrusts in slowly and lifts his shirt to expose his back. He kisses his back and lets his hand travel to his hip as he takes in the scent of his body. He can feel Kame’s hands shaking as he trembles with his thrusts and a huge part of him is finding this moment a mental orgasm even if he’s only physically halfway there.
Kame groans loudly, maybe even painfully, after a particularly hard thrust and Ryo comes immediately.
He collapses on Kame’s back and leaves a bite mark on his shoulder, like a cat marking its territory.
~
To Ryo’s surprise, Kame doesn’t bother hiding the marks he left on his body.
Nakamaru appears to be in a constant state of protectiveness towards Kame, like a mother hen towards her chick. He keeps offering Kame jackets, cardigans and argyle sweaters.
Ryo finds it unnerving how Kame doesn’t seem to be affected in any way.
He’s definitely more than a drug, Ryo thinks. Maybe even a drug dealer who uses his own body as his commodity.
~
Yamapi returns from America to a schedule that resembles hell on earth and with a more questionable sense of fashion.
“I leave for a few months and you’re getting it on with my Shuuji-kun,” Yamapi gulps down the pint of beer. “I’m impressed. Honestly.”
Ryo gives a disgruntled grumble. “Your Shuuji-kun?” he says, still unwilling to take the drama reference kindly.
“You guys fucked, right?” Yamapi asks.
Ryo doesn’t answer.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
Ryo shakes his own pint in deep thought and starts. “Put it this way,” his head spins a summary, “it was like we were both huge rocks colliding in the space and then when I thought I was the one who had the upper hand, I shattered.”
“What happened to the other rock?”
Ryo takes a sip from his pint. “It became a star.”
~
Kame throws his head back closer to the armrest of the couch, tugs at Ryo’s hipbone as Ryo’s tongue plays with his nipples and makes a contented sigh that sounds like it was extracted from a porn movie. Maybe better.
His body presses downwards more and he starts straddling Kame as he feels Kame’s legs running up and down his. He’s starting to get accustomed to Kame’s body and his erotic points, places like the spot a few inches below his belly button, the spot in the middle of his chest, the spot right below his ribcage -Kame has this unrivalled ability to create an imaginary scale using the intensity of his voice to indicate the potency of the spot.
When Kame comes with a delicious groan, Ryo’s left shivering and wondering if Kame had taken him apart with that blood-soaked kiss and then reconstructed him into an aphrodisiac he can call his own.
~
Ryo makes disconcerting observations as he watches the way Kame behaves around people that are not Ryo.
Particularly, around people like Nakamaru, the baseball players, Kitamura, women, etc. Nakamaru’s the easiest subject because Kame acts like a sick puppy next to him, constantly demanding his attention. There are the constant cries for “Yucchi, Yucchi”, there are the constant blinding smiles, and there are the constant affectionate touches.
He remembers the voracious roars during sex, the blood Kame drew from the ruthless scratching and the vicious glares as he came; he’s surprised that no one has diagnosed Kame of severe multiple personality disorder.
He was wrong in saying that Kame’s no different from him when it comes to seeking pleasure in inciting responses. Kame’s a master in dealing with people who don’t give a fuck about fucking him and a beast in dealing with people who do.
~
Kame calls him one night.
“You don’t strike me as a stalkerish person,” he says, “but anyway, Nakamaru’s asking.”
“And so the boyfriend’s asking,” Ryo responses snidely. “Are you sparing the poor guy’s brain of the gross details of say, your weak spots?”
Kame’s laughs are nauseatingly casual, like he has expected such answers from Ryo. “You’re becoming quite predictable, do you know that?”
“I’m not the one calling the lover to hide secret trysts from his boyfriend.”
“I wish,” Kame says. “Sadly, he has never even kissed me for real.”
“That’s kinda rich of you. You get to seduce an innocent bandmate and keep another man at the same time.”
“I hope you realise that you just called yourself a kept man.”
“And I hope you realise that you’re the one with something at stake.”
“And that “something at stake” would be?”
“I don’t know, your future with your beloved Yucchi?”
“Don’t underestimate me. Whatever I have with you changes nothing.”
“And yet you call me in the middle of the night to ask me to lay off your beloved Nakamaru-kun.”
“Mostly I called to argue,” Kame replies, “and I’m glad I did because now I know that you’re jealous of Yucchi.”
Kame ends the sentence by hanging up the phone and Ryo has to fight the impulse to throw the phone across the room.
~
“If sex is your problem, stop having it,” Koki suggests as they take a stroll along the hallways of the jimusho with Ueda. They were supposed to have this meeting with the manager regarding some future programme but it got cancelled last minute and Ryo bumped into them as they left the meeting room.
Ryo kicks Ueda’s calf, their code language for “what the hell why did you tell other people my private stuff”.
Ryo’s lucky that Nakamaru and Kame appear from the right corner and Ryo immediately excuses himself.
When he glances back, he sees that Kame’s taking out his handkerchief to wipe the non-existent sweat off Nakamaru’s face, muttering something about “Ojii-chan, you must have been tired” to a woefully unaware Nakamaru.
~
Right before Ryo sleeps, he sees the two rocks heading for a crash in his mind and when they come to a halt, everything around them becomes a vacuum.
~
Kame locks the door behind him and starts taking his clothes off, but Ryo stops him. Kame looks amused.
“Then what do you want to do today?”
Ryo draws him close and kisses him softly on the lips. Kame freezes on the spot and Ryo sees his chance. He takes Kame’s hand in his and squeezes it gently, then brushes their noses together as they part briefly.
Kame’s confusion is evident in his eyes. “What is this?”
Ryo hushes him. “Close your eyes and just let me kiss you.”
“Ryo,” Kame whispers as they kiss again, hesitation audible in his voice. “What’s going on?”
He cups his cheeks with his palms.
“I think you have become my addiction.”
~
Ryo isn’t stupid.
Kame’s not in love with him, not in lust with him, not even close to liking him.
Ryo’s nothing but an easy target and an easy lay, and he knows that Kame’s using that to his benefits.
He’s a manipulative bastard like that.
~
“Really?” Kame asks, voice steady and unwavering.
“All this time I thought I was using you to prove something,” Ryo whispers, “but I got myself wrapped around your fingers and I didn’t even know it.”
Kame’s lips quiver with an intense mix of excitement and anticipation.
“Defeat has a price, you know.”
“I know,” Ryo answers, kissing Kame deeply. His chest becomes heavy, his head spins frantically and his heart begins to beat to a song. “It’s a price I wouldn’t know how to pay for.”
Kame pushes him away furiously.
“You can start by stop kissing me.”
He storms towards the door and slams it close, leaving Ryo with his head hanging low.
Kame’s a sword straight through his chest, and that’s the difference, he realises with a start, between lust and love.
~
Ueda says that Kame, as a co-worker, is a people-pleaser, but to Ryo it means that Kame doesn’t know how to make himself happy.
Ueda says that Kame, as an idol, is the human equivalent to a robot, but to Ryo it means that Kame’s true self is amalgamated with the steel he wears as his skin.
Nakamaru says that Kame, as a friend, needs attention, but to Ryo it means that he has been focusing too much on what he said to care about what he actually meant.
He wonders if his feelings can be a message in a bottle, so that the tides of the sea can wash it away.
~
Kame finds him in the pantry and drags him by the wrist into an empty room.
“I think you should go out with Nakamaru,” Ryo says when they stay silent for what seems like hours.
“That’s not what I’m here to talk about,” Kame says.
He inches close to Ryo.
“Look, neither of us knew what got between the two of us, but the idea of you and me being a sappy couple, it doesn’t work.”
He pulls Ryo by the hem of his shirt to him and their lips meet. Ryo feels as light as a hydrogen balloon, carrying all the weight of the world as he floats to the sky.
“If we don’t work as a sappy couple, what are you doing here kissing me?” Ryo asks.
“I was thinking,” Kame says as he plays with Ryo’s ear. “Maybe we can work as something simpler. Like we can start falling in love, for example.”
“I think you like it when there are risks involved in things you do.”
Kame smirks. “Are you trying to say that you’re a risk?”
“Just that you’re addicted to risks, but yes, I might be one.”
Kame kisses him lightly and struts towards the door. “Come and consult me when you’re a certified romantic. I might be interested.”
~