HEY PRETEND I SAID HAPPY HOLIDAYS A WEEK AGO

[toxic_chocolate]

YEAH, BASICALLY THIS POST HAS NO MEANING
SO LET'S DISCUSS OUR BIASES, BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE THEM, DON'T LIE

WEI IS THE BEST BECAUSE:

1. CAO CAO. DON'T DENY IT, THAT FUCKER WAS THE BEST RULER A COUNTRY AT WAR COULD ASK FOR. PLUS HE'S A SEXY SON OF A BITCH. EVEN PENG THINKS SO. PENG.
2. SPEAKING OF SONS OF BITCHES, CAO PI. HE'S HOT AND A TOTAL DICKWAD, WHICH MAKES IT AWESOME TO BETRAY HIM AS-
3. SIMA YI. YEAH LOOK AT THIS MOTHERFUCKER, HE'S THE ONE WHO CAME OUT ON TOP. WELL OKAY HIS GRANDSON OR W/E DID, BUT STILL THAT TECHNICALLY MEANS HE WON. PLUS, HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS SUPPOSEDLY EQUAL TO ZHUGGERS IN INTELLIGENCE. (PERSONALLY I THINK SIMA YI HAD QUITE A FEW DERP MOMENTS, BUT AT LEAST HE WAS PATIENT)
4. XIAHOU DUN. HE ATE HIS GODDAMN EYE. HIS GODDAMN EYE.
5. ZHANG LIAO. BITCH REPELLED THE WHOLE FUCKING WU ARMY WITH JUST HIS DRINKING BUDDIES, AND MADE LITTLE WU KIDS PISS THEIR PANTS FOREVER. NOT ONLY WAS HE A GOOD FUCKING GENERAL, HE WAS ALSO SMART AS FUCK, AND WAS BFFS WITH LU BU AND GUAN YU, WHICH HAS GOT TO COUNT FOR SOMETHING.
6. ZHANG HE. YEAH HE MIGHT BE A GREAT BIG FAIRY BUT HE WILL KICK YOU INTO THE MIDDLE OF NEXT WEEK. SERIOUSLY, THERE'S A REASON WHY ZHUGGERS WAS SCARED OF THIS FAGGOT, AND IT'S NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THOSE SKIMPY OUTFITS.
7. BIG FUCKING ARMIES. YEAH YEAH QUANTITY =/= QUALITY, BUT LET'S SEE YOUR FACE UP AGAINST 300 000 TROOPS.
8. PRETTY CASTLES. LOOK AT HE FEI CASTLE. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? THAT'S ART. THAT'S FUCKING ART THAT WILL SET YOU THE FUCK ON FIRE WITH GIANT SPINNING TIGER HEADS.
9. HISTORICALLY NOT REALLY THE BAD GUYS. YOU MIGHT NOT THINK THIS MEANS MUCH, BUT AT LEAST CAO CAO DIDN'T THROW HIS GODDAMN BABY SON ON THE GROUND. LIU BEI WAS A FUCKING DICK. AND WELL SUN QUAN WAS OKAY BUT WU IS BASICALLY THE GUY STUCK IN THE MIDDLE, SO THEY DON'T COUNT FOR SHIT.
10. PURPLE. YEAH, THESE FUCKERS WEAR PURPLE AND STILL LOOK MANLY. WELL, CAO CAO DOES A LOT, AND SIMA YI DOESN'T LOOK MANLY, BUT HE DOES LOOK EVIL, WHICH IS A FEAT ESPECIALLY SEEING AS HIS DW5 OUTFIT WAS LIKE, PINK. AND THEN IN OROCHI IT WAS PINK, WHICH WAS MILDLY HILARIOUS. AND DOES EVERYONE REMEMBER DW3 ZHANG LIAO? YEAH, HE MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN WEARING PURPLE, BUT HE HAD MORE MAKE-UP ON THAN ZHEN JI AND HAD FLOWERS ON HIS NIPPLES. YET HE WAS STILL BADASS.

I MEAN SURE SHU HAS THEIR OMG VIRTUE, AND WU IS THE LAND OF THE HOTTIES, BUT REALLY, YOU CAN'T TOP WEI. TRY TO PROVE ME OTHERWISE.
/TRIES TO HIDE GROWING FONDNESS FOR WU DUE TO SUN QUAN OBSESSION

P.S. IF YOU GUYS POSTED MORE, I WOULDN'T FEEL THE URGE TO SPAM SHIT LIKE THIS. Y'KNOW, POST SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT WHY LIKE EVERYONE GOT HAIRCUTS IN DW6 OR HOW EVERYONE SHOULD LOOK IN DW7. OR DW10 FOR THAT MATTER.