ANOTHER FIC AND A COMIC

Sep 18, 2011 08:37

I FOUND SOME MORE CRACK FICS, AND HERE'S ONE ABOUT PAUL ANNOYING JOHN IN THE SEVENTIES.


Stop Telephoning Me
by ~sk8ergirl987

"Hello, this is Paul McCartney! I'm not here right now, but if you could leave a message after the tone I'll be sure to call you back…Especially you, John…John you never call me anymore…what happened to us…What happened to our love?!"
Beep.
"Hey, Paul…uh…what the fuck is up with your message thing? What   'love'?...Jesus…Uh, anyway…Tell Linda to stop stalking me, ok? I don't know why the hell she's doing it…but I know you have something to do with it…So…stop it, ok?...And change your goddamned message. Bye."
Beep.

* * *

"Hello?"
"John, I'm so sorry, I didn't-"
"Gotcha. It's not me-just the answering machine. Leave a message."
"Motherfucker…"
Beep.
"Hey, Johnny. I just wanted to apologize for…uhm…me sending Linda to go stalk you and take pictures of your crotch when you're not looking…Totally my fault.  But uh…she's back with me now so…you're safe! Haha…I'll talk to you some other time…"
Beep.

* * *

"Hey, hey, hey; you've reached the man himself-Paul McCartney! I'm not here, so just leave a message at the tone, alright? Alright…John please just stop telling Julian that I'm a perverted faggot I'm not okay please."
Beep.
"Paul, goddammit, I didn't tell him that-he overheard me say it to a few friends! And what else can I say after you sent your wife to go take pictures of my fucking junk in private? I mean Jesus Christ why did you even ask her to do it in the first place? Fuck…"
Beep.

* * *

"Hello?"
"John, I-"
"Gotcha. It's not me-just the answering machine. Leave a message."
"God damn it!"
Beep.
"Look it's not because I find you attractive-because I know that's what you're thinking-It's because…uhm…Heather wanted them, ok? So gosh why don't you just shut up! Bye! …And please pick up your phone next time-I know you're there! You're a househusband for God's sake; what's so important that you can't pick up the phone? Are there too many dishes to clean or what?"
Beep.

* * *

"Hey…it's Paul…you know what to do…John this has gone far enough now Ringo and George know and they're making fun of me so just stop this nonsense."
Beep.
"Paul, you cannot be serious. Why the fuck would your teenaged daughter want those pictures? And I'll have you know that I'm very fucking busy. I've got priorities. This isn't 1959 anymore, you know; I'm not the "let's hang out and talk about our feelings 24/7" John that I used to be. And if you really want pictures of my crotch for yourself why don't you pick up a copy of Two Virgins...And at least Rings and George would ask me if they wanted pictures like that anyway."
Beep.

* * *

"Hello?"
"Ok, John, listen to me-"
"Gotcha. It's not me-just the answering machine. Leave a message."
"Fucking hell!"
Beep.
"John, listen, I already have ten copies of Two Virgins for my-I mean Heather's-viewing pleasure, so shove it. And it's not like I can control her demented sex fantasies…And fuck, John; I just want us to be friends again. There's this big hole in my heart where we used to laugh and play and run through fields of beautiful flowers together. I'm in a state of depression, John! I go to meetings and I write dark poetry that others just wouldn't understand and wear eyeliner, just like all of the other depressed people in the world! God damn it I just want you back."
Beep.

* * *

"Hey there, caller! You've reached James Paul McCartney! I'm busy doing awesome heterosexual stuff-not like I'm jerkin' it to pictures of John or anything, ahah! So…leave a message!"
Beep.
"Ok, Paul, I'm just going to pretend I never heard that and that you don't exist anymore."
Beep.

* * *
ALSO, I BRING A COMIC THAT GOES ALONG WITH "GEORGE IS PREGNANT". LET'S REJOICE!



THAT'S ALL. IT IS A SHORT POST, BUT I SHALL POST EVEN MORE LULZ SOON. YAY.

ALSO, TWO GEORGIES CAUSE I POSTED A LOSERCASE LINK LAST NIGHT AND ANOTHER JUST IN CASE.





ALSO, THESE ARE JUST FOR LULZ



OBI-WAN KERINGO


DOCTOR PAUL SAYS: "NEXT PATIENT, PLEASE!"
IGNORE THAT POLE.
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