Therapy Session (Daddy!Dean)
Title: Therapy Session
Author: Capricorn86
Characters: Dean Winchester, mentions of other characters
Summary: After suddenly becoming a full-time single parent, Deans boss has ordered him to take time off and go see a therapist. Dean works at a garage as a mechanic, so his boss can`t afford Dean making mistakes or even hurting himself because he can`t keep his mind focused on the job. Dean is reluctant to talk to a stranger about his family and the challenges he`s now facing, but he complies with his managers order and sees a psychologist.
“So, how does this work?”
“You`re here to talk about the recent changes in your life. The passing of your wife-“
“Uh, girlfriend, actually. We only lived together for a couple years, we weren`t married.”
“I see. You`ve recently become a single parent for two children and lost your girlfriend-“
“Ex. Ex girlfriend.”
“You must be facing some huge challenges in this difficult time, and it might help you to get some things off your chest.”
“So I tell you my problems, and they`ll magically disappear, is that it?”
“Not exactly. I can`t fix anything for you, Dean. I can only listen, give advice. Help you to help yourself.”
“I`m not normally one for bitching about my life to strangers.”
“Maybe it`s time to try it. You`d be surprised at how helpful it can be.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Whenever you`re ready, Dean. Though I should probably remind you we only got forty-five minutes.”
“I should get crackin, then, huh?”
“But only if you want to.”
“What do you want me to talk about?”
“Your ex girlfriend?”
“Melissa. She was a couple years younger than me, we were together for… hm, let me think… Five years. We moved in together shortly after becoming a couple, things moved kinda fast with us. Maybe a bit too fast. When my youngest was a year old, we broke up. I left her.”
“That must have been difficult for you.”
“Leaving the kids was hard. I mean, I suddenly went from seeing them daily to only seeing them on weekends and stuff. My kids mean everything to me. Gotta say though, I was glad Melissa and I didn`t get hitched. I mean, it made the breakup smoother in a way, didn`t have to deal with a divorce and stuff. Melissa and I had been living together for about two years when she got pregnant for the first time.”
“How did you react when your girlfriend told you about the pregnancy?”
“I freaked the fuck out! I mean, I wasn`t ready to be a father! Jesus. But I saw that Melissa wanted this baby, I saw it in her eyes. She had the most amazing blue eyes. My son has her eyes… Anyway, I didn`t tell her what was really going on inside my head. I never told her how scared I really felt. I just smiled at her and said: `That`s great, Mel!` But on the inside…”
“No one can blame you for being frightened. Becoming a parent, regardless if it`s your first or tenth, it`s not something you can ever truly prepare for.”
“Guess not. I remember the time we went to the hospital for an ultra sound and the nurse told us we`d be getting a little girl. Melissa was overjoyed.”
“What about you?”
“Still pretty freaked out about the whole thing, but at that point I felt excited for the first time. I suddenly started picturing what my daughter would look like and what we would name her. Stuff like that. When that little girl came into my life, she changed everything. When I first laid eyes on my little princess, all I could think of was how beautiful she was, how much I loved her and how I`d do anything to protect her.”
“You were present during the birth?”
“I was there, but I sorta missed it.”
“How do you mean?”
“I was unconscious. Ahem… Never told my brother that, I`d never hear the end of it! His wife is pregnant with their second now. He`s got a little girl too.”
“What did you name your daughter?”
“It was Melissa who thought of the name Dawn, as the girl was born early in the morning. I`m all for the symbolism of it, but I honestly thought it would be a bit confusing, with my name being Dean, you know? But Melissa was pretty stubborn, so she got her way.”
“And you have a second child?”
“A boy. His name is Will. Actually, William. Melissa wanted to name him Wilhelm, after her German great-grandfather, but I managed to talk her out of it. Give a kid a funny-sounding foreign name and he`d be picked on, you know? I didn`t want that, so I thought of the name William. Will for short.”
“Would you like to talk about the more recent changes in your life? Suddenly becoming a father full time?”
“It hasn`t been easy for any of us these past few months. Countless visits to the hospital so the kids could see their Mom, watch her gradually get worse. It`s been hell. The funeral was a couple of weeks ago. Our house was so full of flowers it felt like we`d moved into a flower shop. Melissas parents, my brother and his wife have been great, I wouldn`t have been able to take care of the kids without their help.”
“How old were the children when you and Melissa ended your relationship?”
“Very young. Dawn was three, Will was barely a year old. They`re four and six now.”
“Did you ever consider staying, for the sake of the kids?”
“Sure I did, but I came to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be fair to them, having a Daddy who doesn`t wanna live with Mommy anymore? No, it was better that I left. Melissa and I had joined custody, so I saw my kids at least once a week and every single weekend, usually more often than that. I left my girlfriend, not my children.”
“And now you`re a full-time dad.”
“Yeah.”
“How does that feel?”
“Fucking hard. I mean, it`s a pretty major adjustment, going from only seeing your kids a couple times a week, picking them up from school and rushing them off to some fun activity for the day… Going from that to suddenly having the full responsibility, having to deal with every single little thing? Like I said, I love my children more than life itself, but man! It`s hard! It`s really fucking hard. The other day, my daughter was riding her bicycle in the street in front of our house. She fell and hurt her leg, guess who she called out for?”
“Her mother.”
“Exactly. Stuff like that just breaks your heart.”
“How would you describe your relationship with your children? Are you close?”
“I would say that, yeah. Even though their mother and I broke up when they were little, I`ve always been very much present and participating in their lives.”
“You said it`s been a few weeks since the funeral…”
“Yeah.”
“How are the kids coping? Are things beginning to fall into a regular routine?”
“They`re both coping in their own ways. They`re both so young, kids deal with grief differently than adults. I lost my own mother when I was four, so I can relate better than most people to what they are going through right now.”
“I am very sorry to hear that. It must have been very painful for you.”
“I try to keep things normal, you know? To not let things slide, but keep a regular routine with the kids and keep up the rules their mother and I have set for them. Melissa may be gone, but that`s not an excuse to let the kids run wild and do as they please.”
“You sound like a strict parent.”
“I don`t know about that… I just expect my kids to do as they`re told, and I try to teach them that their behavior has consequences. Just like my Dad taught my brother and me. There are moments when I get harsh reminders that I haven`t been present every minute of their lives… not like their mother. She was the one who truly knew their daily routine, all the little things. I`m still picking up on that.”
“Tell me more.”
“Well, after I moved back into the house, and with Melissas funeral, the food situation hasn`t exactly been… I`m not one for cooking, and people have been really helpful, bringing us all kinds of dishes. Neither of my kids are very picky, so I was surprised at my sons`s behavior the other day when we settled down to have a proper dinner together, the first one we`ve had in… Yeah. You get what I`m saying.”
“I understand.”
“He wouldn`t eat, and I kept encouraging him at first, trying to coax him into eating by telling him about the ice cream he and Dawn would be getting for dessert, but he didn`t take a bite. I praised Dawn for being a good girl and eating her dinner, thinking that the positive attention I gave her would make Will want to earn some too, but still he ate nothing. I was getting annoyed at this point, and my patience finally ran out when the kid pushed his plate away and looked like he was going to throw a tantrum. I figured it was best to stop things before it got out of hand, I lifted my son out of his chair and smacked his butt a couple times as punishment for refusing to eat his dinner. I wouldn`t tolerate him ignoring everything I said and acting bratty like that. I grew up with a younger brother, so I`m kinda sick of that crap, you know?”
“What happened next?”
“Will was crying because I had swatted him, and I thought he was feeling tired and perhaps wasn`t hungry. I took him to his room and once he had calmed down, I put him down for a nap, thinking I could reheat his food later. So I came back to the kitchen and sat down at the table, and that`s when my daughter said something that made me feel like the worst father ever.”
“What did she say?”
“She explained to me that Melissa always used to cut Will`s food into small pieces for him, making it much easier for him to eat. He hadn`t learned to work the knife and fork just yet. Guess I was expecting a bit too much from a four-year-old. I didn`t know, or that is… didn`t remember. I guess I knew, I`d just forgotten, with everything that had been going on. I thought Will was just being defiant. Poor kid.”
“And what did you do next? Did you have a talk with your son about what had happened at the dinner table?”
“I went to his room, bringing some ice cream with me as a peace offering. I felt like shit, and I really wanted to make it up to Will for punishing him unfairly. He was lying in his bed, like the good little boy that he really is, but he hadn`t fallen asleep yet. We talked a little about how we both miss Mommy and I told him I was sorry for swatting him when he hadn`t really deserved it. Then we both had some ice cream, and that put a smile on his face! It felt good for me, seeing my son happy. He hasn`t had much to smile about lately.”
“I`m glad it worked out between you. You will learn to adjust, you have to give yourself time, Dean. And don`t be too hard on yourself. Your kids need time to adjust as well, and deal with the grief of losing their mother.”
“I know.”
“Well, it looks like our time is up. I would really like to reschedule though, I think there is more-“
“I should get home to my kids, and then I`m back to work next week. I`ve done what my boss said, I`ve poured my little heart out to you, can`t do more than that. Thanks, Doc, but I`m all talked out.”