There are no words, only tears...
"Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit." - Napoleon Hill
if my life were a movie today it would be pouring outside. there would be thunder and lightning. i'd be able to walk outside and sit on a hill in the rain and bawl my eyes out. i'd forget my jacket and come home freezing. i'd go out with my friends tonight and prince charming would magically bee there and take me to get ice cream. he'd hug me tight and make me laugh and make me feel like just maybe the world wasn't ending. ben and jerry's half baked would magically appear in my freezer and i'd spend the rest of the night drowning my sorrows in it while watching chick flicks. pearly white tears would be cascading down my cheeks and i'd look like the epitome of a broken beauty.
but my life isn't a movie. instead i had to fight off tears for an hour at a swim meet. call my mom and bawl to her for a while. and then proceed to cry even more after i hung up the phone. i'm still crying in fact. it's sunny outside. the freaking birds are chirping. i can hear the freaking band blaring the fight song over at the stadium that's slowly getting packed to watch the asu/usc game. oh-so-eager to watch asu lose is more like it. instead, my eyes are bloodshot and hurt. my face is red. my nose is stuffy.
i feel like someone took my heart, stabbed it multiple times, poured acid on it, rubbed broken glass into it, beat it with a metal rod, rubbed sandpaper on it and then proceeded to put it through a meat grinder.
my dreams have been shattered into a million tiny little pieces, scattered about me. i can't figure out how to put them back together.
i spent the summer WORKING MY ASS OFF. i've spent the last 3 months WORKING MY ASS OFF. i've been told, "oh you impressed me today" "oh you're getting much better." EMPTY FUCKING WORDS APPARENTLY.
i've tried so hard. i've given 120% every chance i could. i've done what i've been asked to do. what more do i need to do? i don't want to do this anymore. i want to be finished. it's not worth it.
i say that, but i can't just quit. i've never quit anything in my life. i just can't.
BUT this hurts so much.
"Never give in! Never give in! Never, never, never. Never -- in anything great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense." - Sir Winston Churchill