the crowd wince at Manners' tenuous control of the bicycle
As threatened, on Sunday we went down to Brick Lane and I bought a bike. The most naff, battered looking thing I could find; in the hope that nobody will want to steal it. It is a repulsive shade of Fortnums turquoise and the chain rattles like an old man with TB. It's called a Saracen Trekker, though I'm fairly certain it wasn't the main modus operanti for a nomadic tribe of Moors who occupied the Sinai peninsula during Roman times. I think I've cracked the route to work. This morning I was feeling adventurous and went to Hackney, but very busy roads with bus pile-ups are still too scary.
In preparation for the summer I'm having another crack at learning Italian. Going with the Pimsleur audio course again, but this time 'the complete course' instead of 'the short course'. Disappointingly, so far they seem remarkably similar. It's the same method of chatting up Women Who Are Not Married (that's signorinas) by stopping them in the street to ask for directions, then being all "Hey baby, how'd you like to drink some wine in the restaurant?". Just like Jon Voight in Midnight Cowboy. Unit 5, which I've just completed, was unusually frosty though. I was instructed to establish contact with a woman and then have the following conversation;
"Would like to go somewhere for a drink?"
"No thank you sir. But I would like to go somewhere to eat."
"Well, I'm not hungry."
"Fine. Goodbye."
"Fine. Goodbye, miss."
Obviously I shan't be doing any of that, so I just wish they'd toss me some more useful, practical material to learn. Something like "Who's your favourite Roman Emperor?", or "the midfield four are sitting far too deep".
I just tried to top-up my mobile and I had to phone and register my new debit card. They said I'd be transferred to a "customer services operator". I was disappointed at the prospect of having to talk to a person. Other people make me extremely nervous. But it wasn't a person, it was one of those automated robot voices. Expect this was a much more advanced robot voice than I have ever dealt with before. He had a very odd accent I couldn't quite pin down, and lots of little vocal quirks and tics. Elongated vowels, a bit of umming and aahing, lots of phrases like "lovely stuff" thrown in, as well as continually pausing in the middle of his explanations to say "Okay, yeah? Is that alright, yeah?" There I sat, dumbly saying "yeah" to a robot. It was such an elaborate act that 1% of me thought this might actually be a real person on the other end. I have to say that it ranks as one of the most dehumanising experiences I have ever gone through in my life. Now I feel like I'm in Blade Runner.
In preparation for the summer I'm having another crack at learning Italian. Going with the Pimsleur audio course again, but this time 'the complete course' instead of 'the short course'. Disappointingly, so far they seem remarkably similar. It's the same method of chatting up Women Who Are Not Married (that's signorinas) by stopping them in the street to ask for directions, then being all "Hey baby, how'd you like to drink some wine in the restaurant?". Just like Jon Voight in Midnight Cowboy. Unit 5, which I've just completed, was unusually frosty though. I was instructed to establish contact with a woman and then have the following conversation;
"Would like to go somewhere for a drink?"
"No thank you sir. But I would like to go somewhere to eat."
"Well, I'm not hungry."
"Fine. Goodbye."
"Fine. Goodbye, miss."
Obviously I shan't be doing any of that, so I just wish they'd toss me some more useful, practical material to learn. Something like "Who's your favourite Roman Emperor?", or "the midfield four are sitting far too deep".
I just tried to top-up my mobile and I had to phone and register my new debit card. They said I'd be transferred to a "customer services operator". I was disappointed at the prospect of having to talk to a person. Other people make me extremely nervous. But it wasn't a person, it was one of those automated robot voices. Expect this was a much more advanced robot voice than I have ever dealt with before. He had a very odd accent I couldn't quite pin down, and lots of little vocal quirks and tics. Elongated vowels, a bit of umming and aahing, lots of phrases like "lovely stuff" thrown in, as well as continually pausing in the middle of his explanations to say "Okay, yeah? Is that alright, yeah?" There I sat, dumbly saying "yeah" to a robot. It was such an elaborate act that 1% of me thought this might actually be a real person on the other end. I have to say that it ranks as one of the most dehumanising experiences I have ever gone through in my life. Now I feel like I'm in Blade Runner.