No really, what's up with that?
**DISCLAIMER** The events of this story are true. The names have been changed to protect their identity and privacy. Hopefully no one will take offense to the way I perceive the situations. It is, after all, my perception.
I came to the realization the other day that in less than a month I will have been back in Chicago for 3 years. Yet, in those three years time, I still haven't managed to make any new friends - at least any close friends. And definitely nobody who is relationship material. After my last disastrous relationship, I'm a little hesitant to even look for that. Right now I would settle for close friends. Friends that I could call up and say "Hey, what's the plan for this weekend?" or "Hey, want some company?" or even "Hey, come over, let's barbecue." I have two roommates, one who is sort of reclusive, and the other... well, don't ask. And the two of them no longer speak to each other. I think they've even given up on civility towards one another. *shrug* And then there are some friends that are neighbors, but they really don't have time for friends, since they have a newborn and a first grader.
I don't know what the problem is with meeting people. I meet someone, we get along fine, then boom, never hear from them again. Is it because I live on the southwest side? I've gotten comments from people who wrinkle their nose and say, "Oh, you live all the way out *there*" like it's another city, or another state. I've had people suggest I move to Rogers Park or Uptown or somewhere near where the rest of the cluster of yuppie clone gay men live. Why should I have to do that? I'm a short train ride away. I can be anywhere in under an hour.
And while I'm ranting, what is up with meeting someone who is interested in me only for them to go completely overboard and coming on so strong? Example. I met... we'll call him Mick... and enjoyed talking to him. Only, he seemed to be all about me, and was already talking about taking me abroad to meet his mother. Whoa. I barely know you. And you want me to another country, to go half-way around the world no less, to meet mother? I... no. There was chemistry, but in the end, I think that's all it was - lust. So I quickly got the hell out of that situation.
Another one, we'll call him Rick, I met at a bar, and we ended up hooking up. We had a good time. I enjoyed his company. The next morning he, his roommate, and a friend were going to a street festival. So I tagged along. Rick was already referring to me and him as a couple, and was already, seemingly, way into a relationship with me. I didn't even, at that point, know his last name. I sort of have a rule about that. I can't date you if I don't know your full name. And at that point I was actually fresh out of the disaster relationship from hell with Steven. And really, Rick seemed more enamored with a relationship - period - than with me, honestly. I feel bad that I sort of bailed, but I freaked out. I wasn't ready for another relationship at that point in my life, and most certainly not an accelerated one. I wished that I had gotten a chance to know him a little better. He's probably reading this. If he recognizes himself by this description, I hope he doesn't hate me for it.
Then there's, hmm, let's call him Jake. I met Jake on a Saturday night. We sat and talked, and I enjoyed the conversation. He apparently felt more than that, but I didn't feel any chemistry there. Not to mention he lives in the far northwest suburbs, and I don't have a car, and frankly don't want one. We didn't have a whole lot in common. There was a noticeable age gap. But I enjoyed talking to him nonetheless. He managed to get my number out of me after a few drinks. Fine, I thought, wouldn't mind talking to him, wouldn't mind maybe hanging out in the city sometime. Only, he called Sunday morning. And then Sunday mid-morning. And then Sunday early afternoon. And then Sunday mid-afternoon. Now, I had talked to him once. We didn't really talk about anything, just chit chat. He made a few passes, but I deflected them. I let him know, yet again, that all I was interested in was friends at that point. The repeated calls really bothered me. I felt like I was being stalked. I actually had to block his number, it was so out of control.
C'mon guys. Don't come on so strong!! I want to get to know you a little better first before I can get involved with you. I can't just jump into a relationship at the drop of a hat. I'm not wired that way.
And as for friends, why are they so hard to make here? Why must I, it seems, immerse myself in the gay village in order to have friends? Why can't I have friends that do something other than go to the bar? I did that in my 20s, a lot, a whole lot, and it got really old really fast. Not to mention it gets expensive.
And you know, I thought for a while it was me, but both of my roommates seem to have this same problem. So I know it's not totally me.
So, srsly, what's up with that?
I came to the realization the other day that in less than a month I will have been back in Chicago for 3 years. Yet, in those three years time, I still haven't managed to make any new friends - at least any close friends. And definitely nobody who is relationship material. After my last disastrous relationship, I'm a little hesitant to even look for that. Right now I would settle for close friends. Friends that I could call up and say "Hey, what's the plan for this weekend?" or "Hey, want some company?" or even "Hey, come over, let's barbecue." I have two roommates, one who is sort of reclusive, and the other... well, don't ask. And the two of them no longer speak to each other. I think they've even given up on civility towards one another. *shrug* And then there are some friends that are neighbors, but they really don't have time for friends, since they have a newborn and a first grader.
I don't know what the problem is with meeting people. I meet someone, we get along fine, then boom, never hear from them again. Is it because I live on the southwest side? I've gotten comments from people who wrinkle their nose and say, "Oh, you live all the way out *there*" like it's another city, or another state. I've had people suggest I move to Rogers Park or Uptown or somewhere near where the rest of the cluster of yuppie clone gay men live. Why should I have to do that? I'm a short train ride away. I can be anywhere in under an hour.
And while I'm ranting, what is up with meeting someone who is interested in me only for them to go completely overboard and coming on so strong? Example. I met... we'll call him Mick... and enjoyed talking to him. Only, he seemed to be all about me, and was already talking about taking me abroad to meet his mother. Whoa. I barely know you. And you want me to another country, to go half-way around the world no less, to meet mother? I... no. There was chemistry, but in the end, I think that's all it was - lust. So I quickly got the hell out of that situation.
Another one, we'll call him Rick, I met at a bar, and we ended up hooking up. We had a good time. I enjoyed his company. The next morning he, his roommate, and a friend were going to a street festival. So I tagged along. Rick was already referring to me and him as a couple, and was already, seemingly, way into a relationship with me. I didn't even, at that point, know his last name. I sort of have a rule about that. I can't date you if I don't know your full name. And at that point I was actually fresh out of the disaster relationship from hell with Steven. And really, Rick seemed more enamored with a relationship - period - than with me, honestly. I feel bad that I sort of bailed, but I freaked out. I wasn't ready for another relationship at that point in my life, and most certainly not an accelerated one. I wished that I had gotten a chance to know him a little better. He's probably reading this. If he recognizes himself by this description, I hope he doesn't hate me for it.
Then there's, hmm, let's call him Jake. I met Jake on a Saturday night. We sat and talked, and I enjoyed the conversation. He apparently felt more than that, but I didn't feel any chemistry there. Not to mention he lives in the far northwest suburbs, and I don't have a car, and frankly don't want one. We didn't have a whole lot in common. There was a noticeable age gap. But I enjoyed talking to him nonetheless. He managed to get my number out of me after a few drinks. Fine, I thought, wouldn't mind talking to him, wouldn't mind maybe hanging out in the city sometime. Only, he called Sunday morning. And then Sunday mid-morning. And then Sunday early afternoon. And then Sunday mid-afternoon. Now, I had talked to him once. We didn't really talk about anything, just chit chat. He made a few passes, but I deflected them. I let him know, yet again, that all I was interested in was friends at that point. The repeated calls really bothered me. I felt like I was being stalked. I actually had to block his number, it was so out of control.
C'mon guys. Don't come on so strong!! I want to get to know you a little better first before I can get involved with you. I can't just jump into a relationship at the drop of a hat. I'm not wired that way.
And as for friends, why are they so hard to make here? Why must I, it seems, immerse myself in the gay village in order to have friends? Why can't I have friends that do something other than go to the bar? I did that in my 20s, a lot, a whole lot, and it got really old really fast. Not to mention it gets expensive.
And you know, I thought for a while it was me, but both of my roommates seem to have this same problem. So I know it's not totally me.
So, srsly, what's up with that?