Rumors of My demise have been greatly exaggerated
Today sucked!!!!! The day itself was wonderful, no class, no work, crip
courses all day. Then... Band. Here is where shit starts to run
downhill. First, there's this "joke" among percussionists here. I've
never heard of it, so I was caught off-guard. Apparently, they had this
one percussion instructor who said "Play your part!" They decided to
pelt me with "Play your part" all evening today. The person who said it
is often mean and hurtful, so I don't know if it was mean or playful,
but either way, I was OFFENDED! I saw that as an attack on my musical
ability, which I am, sorry to say, very sensitive about. If you were to
take all of my possessions, all I'd have left are my talents. What if
your talents weren't very good. That makes you fucked. I took offense
like a motherfucker. But it's ok, I felt like a fool, but that's
nothing new. During my third quarter break, I saw Kylie, who had a bone
to pick. I had done something at dinner that in retrospect I shouldn't
have done, but I was concerned and to make a long story short, I'm an
asshole. I feel like shit. My stomach hurts, I'm nervous. She's not on
right now, so I can't apologize again like I'd like to. Sorry babe.
Hind-sight's 20-20, nothing to do but pray for the best and prepare for
the worst. I feel this empty feeling typing my sorrows into an article
nobody cares to read. My journal is called, "Confessions of an Invisible
Man" for a reason. I've been thinking about where and who I am, and I
realize something. Would anyone miss me? OK, lets say I die. Not really
planning on it, but lets be hypothetical. I'm dead. Who's sad. Band
geeks? Who else?... Band geeks. And they'd forget after a while anyway.
I am not a unique snowflake, I am not special. I am space monkey no.
6066286. Kinda depressing. I'm gonna go sleep it off. MAybe things'll
become clearer to me with some sleep. Josh