Lost Without You--Chapter Two
Title: Lost Without You [Chapter two]
Summary: Nathan continues to run away from his emotions. He tries forcing himself into thinking his decision is the right one when he comes to ask his ex girlfriend to take him back.
Rating/Warnings: PG / PG13; suggestive language/actions, homosexual thoughts, angst
A/N: Yay, chapter two! I apologize, though, for there is basically no actual slash between the boys in this chapter. Trust me, though, chapter three will have a (hopefully) pleasing kiss/make-out scene. c: OH BY THE WAY, random but, I'm going to California on the 20th! =D No, I won't be anywhere near Sacramento, sadly, but still. I'm stoked! Even if it's just to a crappy little town like Yorba Linda. (=
Disclaimer: I do not own a baconhawk, and therefore do not own Desandnate, either of the boys, baby Steven (yeah, he's real!) or have anything to do with them, basically. However, I do own this FICTIONAL story and all made up characters. Yep. *u*
I kept my eyes on the road, one hand holding my phone to my ear. I tried to focus while I talked, still calming down. Abby was quiet for a while on the other line.
"...Nathan? Nathan, what-"
"I can't explain, Abby," I said, interrupting her. I couldn't. what was I supposed to say, I basically made out with my best friend and ran out the door, and that she was just the only person I thought of to barge in on?
"...O..kay...well, what's wrong? You sound terrible," I could hear the concern in her silk smooth voice. I missed that voice. She always cared and lent an ear and shoulder to cry on. She always wanted to help. Despite the situation, I smiled slightly.
"I can't really get into details..." I pursed my lips, trying to think of a way to explain everything.
"Come on, Nathan. You didn't call out of the blue for nothing. What happened?" She coaxed. I could hear the faint cooing of a little toddler in the background. My heart leaped at the little boy's voice. I momentarily shook off the thought.
"Well, it's Destery," I barely finished before she responded in a worried tone.
"Destery? Where is he? What happened?"
"No, he's...fine. We just, well, got into a fight, and-"
"A fight? You and Des? What about?" She was hardly letting me get a word in. I could tell how much she really cared. It made my heart pick up as old feelings and emotions floated back to the surface.
I thought about how to respond. Had we really even fought? "Um, nothing big," I lied, opting it was the best way to go. There was no way I could say what really happened. "Just a stupid argument that turned bigger than it should've...and...I felt like Destery needed space...from me...and, I, I just...I don't know. I just left. I really need someone right now. I need you, Abby," I knew my voice was wavering. Hell, I could hardly hold the phone to my ear with my hands shaking so much. I hadn't realized how shaken up I actually was until then.
The line was quiet, except the light coos of the little boy, for a few moments before Abby replied in her concern-drowned, warm voice, "I'm here, Nathan. Right here for you. Always will be," I smiled and released a breath I had unconsciously been holding. I knew she'd be willing to help out. Pulling onto her street, I remembered I hadn't actually asked about coming over.
"Thanks, Ab. You're really the best. So, I'm in the car...and kind of need a place to head to..." I let my voice trail off, hoping she understood.
She did. "Yeah, I know. How soon can you be here? I'm still at the crappy condo, like always. You anywhere nearby?" I breathed a nervous chuckle, putting my car in park in the little parking lot beside Abby's building.
"Well, look out your window." After a moment, a crack formed in the shades on the window facing my car and wide blue eyes appeared. I heard a giggle on the line.
"Get in here, you Doofus." The eyes disappeared and the line clicked dead. I smiled, comforted already by Abby's friendliness. Her aura could light up a room in seconds. I hopped out of the car and went over to her building. As I walked up the two concrete steps, the door opened.
In the doorway stood a beautiful young woman, with dazzling blue eyes and smooth ivory skin. Long, thick, wavy dark brown hair flowed well past her small shoulders. She looked stunning, to say the least. She greeted me with a bright smile. I smiled back. My eyes moved from the beautiful girl to the perfect little ball of cute in her arm. My breath hitched as chocolate brown eyes that matched mine perfectly looked up at me. Precious dimples formed around an almost toothless smile as soft goos and giggles cooed a hello to me. I tried to find words to speak.
"My God...he's...he's grown so much. He's so perfect," I mumbled quietly. Out of the corner of my vision, I saw Abby nod. I kept my eyes on Steven.
My baby.
"He sure is. Looks just like his Daddy," she said softly, looking up. I raised my eyes to meet hers and gave a small smile. I couldn't get out words. After a moment, she cleared her throat and shook her head. "Well, anyways, come on in! You must be getting cold, standing there in a tee shirt," I nodded, just then noticing the goosebumps all up my arms. The Idaho air was cold and brisk. Abby stepped further inside, making room for me to walk in.
I walked through the door, feeling comforted by the familiar surroundings. The condo was warm; it was an instant relief from being out in the cold. It was also very tidy. CDs and DVDs rested in a small bookcase beside the TV in the cozy living room, a fleece blanket lay over the old couch, pictures of Steven, Abby, and other family members hung on the back wall. It was almost exactly how it had been almost a year ago; the last time I'd been there. It felt great to be back.
"Just plop on the couch if you want, Nathan. I'll go get Steven's rocker...you wanna hold him while I get it?" She said, offering the beautiful baby to me. My heart quite possibly stopped for a few seconds. Of course I wanted to hold him. I sat on the couch, smiling and nodding. She smiled her bright white smile and gently handed the gurgling baby boy to me. She went upstairs, leaving me with my little boy, who I hadn't seen in so long.
"Hey there, Steven. It's Daddy," I murmured softly, rocking the baby of almost a year old in my arms. His adorable, open-mouth smile appeared, and he reached up with his stubby little baby hands, touching my cheeks. He was just so perfect, I could've just cried right then if I let myself. I wondered why I ever let the break-up happen. Of course, I never even truly knew why it had in the first place. I'd always wondered why Abby would choose to be a single parent, and actually ask that I keep my distance. We were happy together, weren't we?
Abby came back down the stairs, a big baby swing in arms. She placed it on the ground by the couch, and I reluctantly let her take Steven from my arms and place him in the seat to rock back and forth. She plopped onto the couch beside me and faced me, blue saucer eyes fixed on my face. "Alright, Nathan. Talking time," pink lips turned up in a small smile. "What on earth happened?" I sighed, not knowing what to say. I thought for a few moments.
"Well, Des and I were just arguing about stupid shit...and it was blown out of proportion. I knew he needed space, and so did I. And, I think, maybe, we've just been in the same apartment together for too long. It's messing with our heads. Uh, making us fight more. I think we just need to keep our distance for a while. Clear our minds. Besides," I took one of her small, delicate hands in one of mine, bringing pink color to ivory cheeks, and held her gaze. "I miss you, Ab. I miss Steven. I miss being together, being around you both. I...I know things didn't really work out, but...please, just hear me out," Abby nodded, her cheeks reddening further. Her smile smile grew.
"Nathan," she replied softly, "of course I hear you. I miss you, too. I'd like it if you'd stay here while you and Des cool down," I smiled a big, stupid grin, then. I was so relieved. A thought in the back of my mind whispered something about me just using her to escape my problems, about me lying to myself about how attracted to her I was. I shoved that thought away.
"I'd like that, too," I breathed. She giggled and leaned her torso closer to me, pulling me into a warm embrace. I wrapped my arms around her, taking in her sweet fragrance. Her hugs were nice, but lacking...lacking an equilibrium of weight against me, lacking a strong grip, lacking a musky scent...
No. No, it was a wonderful hug. It was sweet and warm and I loved the feeling of being intertwined with her, my chin resting on her small shoulder, cheek brushing her soft, silky hair. I did. I most certainly did NOT wish she was Destery hugging me, holding me close and breathing in my ear.
..Not at all.