Here we gooooo......

[capndee]

Hello everyone. Well it's been a while since I've posted. I mean, not much has changed in my life. I'm still the same ole dork I was. The break from school was cool. I got a job finally. I scoop Horse shit, pretty fuckin awesome. Anywayz, my life did change in some small way the other day. I met this incredible girl who I'm seem to get along with right away. When I first met her, I had never met anyone like her. She's a dork just like me. That's always cool. We were working to get to know each other and become great friends, but I had to go ahead and let my emotions run and I started to fall for her. I know she didn't want a relationship and I respected her decision. She wanted options and I was one of them I guess. Well, we started to hang out more and it seemed that she really started to dig me. All the signs were there. The cuddling, the kissing, the way she looked into my eyes at times (really corny just now). I mean, they were all there. I figured that maybe we didn't have to have a relationship, but we could just be serious daters, great friends, hey maybe even soulmates (LOL). It turns out tho that she is still dating around and I have some "competition". I was cool with it at first, but then realized that it was a bad idea. I mean, I kissed this girl a couple of times and meant it. I looked into her eyes and meant it. I haven't looked at a girl like that for five fucking long years. I kissed her the other night and it looked like she meant it, but to only find out that she went on a date with some guy she met 4 days ago. How do I know that she's not doing the same thing with him. What am I supposed to think? I mean, she posts her date with him on her journal on the 19th saying how she liked him...liked him a lot and was thinking that maybe she wouldn't be single much longer. Why is she confusing me? SHe told me she didn't want a relationship, but now she's saying this shit about this guy that she met 4 days ago. He must have made a big impression on her. I guess you can say that I hung myself on this one. I don't blame her for it, it's her life, her choices. I just wish that she would be straight up with me. I believe that she had been lying to me about some things. And I'm starting to think that she never wanted to go on that date with Monday alone. SHe ended up inviting my friend to come. Signs of "I don't want to be alone with this guy". Also, she posts something about our date asking if anyone wants to come or randomly appear. I'm like, damnit! After all this has went down though, I still want her friendship very much because I do believe she is a good and sweet person at heart. I have seen this in her. Lately, it's been fuzzy to me, but I know she is good. I just wish she wouldn't confuse me or lie to me. I have been very honest with this girl to gain her trust. I would like the same from her. Yea, you can say that the pass couple days have been a rollercoaster ride for me. I realized that I open my heart to soon and end up breaking my own heart. I guess I'm out of practice. It has been a while since I've dated.

TO YOU: The day we met, that was special to me. I was fighting some major demons and with you..all of it went away. I don't know how to explain it, but I guess you can say that you made my day. And for that, I thank you and I still very much to get to know you more and become a great friend to you. And I don't want to hang out with you only because you're the cool chick. I want to hang out with you because you refused to shake my hand. That's what started it all.

I'll leave y'all with this:
to quote myself and her " Love hurts, wear no underwear."

P.S. I'm sorry if my thoughts are jumbled.