She said that I was the brightest little firefly in her jar
So the words to describe today...it started off pretty terribly. I'm all alone in my house which is both good and bad. Good because I don't have to hear my family ask a lot of questions that I don't have the answers too. Bad because I'm just alone with my thoughts which can be maddening.
The Colbert Report has helped, and a couple of phone calls have lifted my spirits enough to warrant some laughs. It's good news when the thing that is causing your turmoil can also give you a good chuckle.
I know I have to work harder, but I can't do it alone. Life has been fucked up and over since I go here. When its not one thing its been another. It's damn stressful, but I know it could be so much worse. I hate that other people stick their noses in and cause problems.
I just want to get there, where I feel like I need to be. I've been so happy and yes there have been rough spots and tough times, but at the end of the day it is their vibrant and alive. All I wanna do every night is lay down where the comfort of it washes over me.
The good times are far too good to let these hard times right now end it. My mind has been going nonstop all day, moments of terrifying aloneness, mixed with passages of deep calm.
I have no plan. I have a full heart, and a deep ache. My stomach has just been a ball of nerves & tension all day. I don't know whether I should feel relief, sadness, impending doom, excitement, urgency, or whatever. Maybe all those mixed together. I have faith that things will be ok, once some situations figure themselves out. I have faith that it's worth it to try and that it's not going to be all in vain.
Something special has been happening to me, and I don't want to fuck it up. I'm here to say that I'm not giving up, and I'm fighting for what is important to me.
Life can bring it all on. Because I'll fight the whole damn world for this.
A little part of me feels like it died last night, but then was brought back even stronger.
Well, I haven't had a truly angst filled post in a very long time. It's kind of good to have it back. Maybe I'll gain some of my edge back.
The Colbert Report has helped, and a couple of phone calls have lifted my spirits enough to warrant some laughs. It's good news when the thing that is causing your turmoil can also give you a good chuckle.
I know I have to work harder, but I can't do it alone. Life has been fucked up and over since I go here. When its not one thing its been another. It's damn stressful, but I know it could be so much worse. I hate that other people stick their noses in and cause problems.
I just want to get there, where I feel like I need to be. I've been so happy and yes there have been rough spots and tough times, but at the end of the day it is their vibrant and alive. All I wanna do every night is lay down where the comfort of it washes over me.
The good times are far too good to let these hard times right now end it. My mind has been going nonstop all day, moments of terrifying aloneness, mixed with passages of deep calm.
I have no plan. I have a full heart, and a deep ache. My stomach has just been a ball of nerves & tension all day. I don't know whether I should feel relief, sadness, impending doom, excitement, urgency, or whatever. Maybe all those mixed together. I have faith that things will be ok, once some situations figure themselves out. I have faith that it's worth it to try and that it's not going to be all in vain.
Something special has been happening to me, and I don't want to fuck it up. I'm here to say that I'm not giving up, and I'm fighting for what is important to me.
Life can bring it all on. Because I'll fight the whole damn world for this.
A little part of me feels like it died last night, but then was brought back even stronger.
Well, I haven't had a truly angst filled post in a very long time. It's kind of good to have it back. Maybe I'll gain some of my edge back.