OK It's Time For Some Rantin and Ravin...but no glowsticks...I hate glowsticks!
OK, so yesterday I saw something that at first I thought was funny, and then really stupid, and then just plain angering. I was at work the other day, and rolling by on her little heelies was a 6 year old girl in a camoflauge mini skirt. Now I have ranted on this type of thing before, but oh well right, I've gotten somewhat accustomed to it. However the bottom of this little girls ass was literally hanging out.
Now we laughed at this and then I began to ponder what would cause a parent to dress their six year old in something so sultry...or slutty if you prefer.
Suddenly it came to me. These parents wanted their child to be abduxted by a child molestor. I mean lets say a child molestor is cruising the street looking for a kid. Their are 20 kids laying and your kid is the one wearing a miniskirt with her ass hanging out. All I know is the molestor like s to work quickly, and with your kid the work is half done. It's just a lift and grope. Just think about that. That is the only reason to explain such asinine fashion decisions for a six year old. Obviously their is nothing these parents want more then to have their precious daughter to be abducted, molested and then found dead wrapped in electrical tape. So I will do them one better. I will leave a small list of ways to further increase the chances of this happening. Things way better than just dressing her up like Paris Hilton.
1. Pull a Traci Lords and fake her age. Say she's 18 and put her in porn. Because hey, if some illegal activity is going to happen, you might as well make some money at it. And imagine your cute sweetheart answering all that fan mail from guys telling her they wanna fuck her 3 ways from sunday. These are truly the precious moments.
2. Send her walking naked down a dark street in the prostitue section of town wearing a sign that says "I'm Helpless, and I Like Candy". Those perverts won't be able to resist. You'll be identifying your daughter at the morgue in no time at all.
3. Send her to stay at that creepy uncle's. You know the one who lives alone, has been to prison, and got caught with chid pornography...just a couple times.
4. You could always just keep it in the family and do it yourself. C'mon dad think of all the money you'll save if you just buckle down and do it yourself. Mom will have fun turning a blind eye, and telling people she never saw anything. If you want a job done, you've got to do it yourtself anyways. PLus there will be the added bonus of all the fun she'll have going to therapy for the next 30 years.
5. Teach her all the rules about strangers. Never tell your parents if someone tries to touch your privates, because after all their not really private if you let people touch them all the time. Candy and men in trenchcoats are a great combination. Hey what could be more fun than sucking on a delicious treat, while riding in a sedan with heavily tinted windows. Social workers, teachers and pastors are not looking out for you. They just want to blame you, because it's all your fault anyways. Yous houls feel guilty and depressed about being such a filthy girl.
So yes parents, take the next step, and go balls to the wall with it. Your dreams will come true...oh wait that's not what you want?
Oh maybe you're not tryinh to get your daughter molested. Maybe you're just bad parents. Maybe you're just helping further the morale undermining of innocent kids. MTV, movies, and music already do that enough. They don't need parents to jump in and help perpetuate this trend. We need parents to keep kids level-headed, and draw the line. Be their parent, not their girlfiend to go shopping at the mall with. But hey, what do I know. I don't have a kid. Maybe it's easier to just give in to peer pressure...from people 25 years younger than you. Anyways, do your job parents, because I don't wanna see your cute daughter in the headlines next week.
Now we laughed at this and then I began to ponder what would cause a parent to dress their six year old in something so sultry...or slutty if you prefer.
Suddenly it came to me. These parents wanted their child to be abduxted by a child molestor. I mean lets say a child molestor is cruising the street looking for a kid. Their are 20 kids laying and your kid is the one wearing a miniskirt with her ass hanging out. All I know is the molestor like s to work quickly, and with your kid the work is half done. It's just a lift and grope. Just think about that. That is the only reason to explain such asinine fashion decisions for a six year old. Obviously their is nothing these parents want more then to have their precious daughter to be abducted, molested and then found dead wrapped in electrical tape. So I will do them one better. I will leave a small list of ways to further increase the chances of this happening. Things way better than just dressing her up like Paris Hilton.
1. Pull a Traci Lords and fake her age. Say she's 18 and put her in porn. Because hey, if some illegal activity is going to happen, you might as well make some money at it. And imagine your cute sweetheart answering all that fan mail from guys telling her they wanna fuck her 3 ways from sunday. These are truly the precious moments.
2. Send her walking naked down a dark street in the prostitue section of town wearing a sign that says "I'm Helpless, and I Like Candy". Those perverts won't be able to resist. You'll be identifying your daughter at the morgue in no time at all.
3. Send her to stay at that creepy uncle's. You know the one who lives alone, has been to prison, and got caught with chid pornography...just a couple times.
4. You could always just keep it in the family and do it yourself. C'mon dad think of all the money you'll save if you just buckle down and do it yourself. Mom will have fun turning a blind eye, and telling people she never saw anything. If you want a job done, you've got to do it yourtself anyways. PLus there will be the added bonus of all the fun she'll have going to therapy for the next 30 years.
5. Teach her all the rules about strangers. Never tell your parents if someone tries to touch your privates, because after all their not really private if you let people touch them all the time. Candy and men in trenchcoats are a great combination. Hey what could be more fun than sucking on a delicious treat, while riding in a sedan with heavily tinted windows. Social workers, teachers and pastors are not looking out for you. They just want to blame you, because it's all your fault anyways. Yous houls feel guilty and depressed about being such a filthy girl.
So yes parents, take the next step, and go balls to the wall with it. Your dreams will come true...oh wait that's not what you want?
Oh maybe you're not tryinh to get your daughter molested. Maybe you're just bad parents. Maybe you're just helping further the morale undermining of innocent kids. MTV, movies, and music already do that enough. They don't need parents to jump in and help perpetuate this trend. We need parents to keep kids level-headed, and draw the line. Be their parent, not their girlfiend to go shopping at the mall with. But hey, what do I know. I don't have a kid. Maybe it's easier to just give in to peer pressure...from people 25 years younger than you. Anyways, do your job parents, because I don't wanna see your cute daughter in the headlines next week.