Prompt Post 001
Part 1 is now closed. Please direct new prompts to Part 2.
Welcome to the Captain America: The First Avenger kink meme! The general rules are below, but can also be found in the Guidelines Post. Please try to follow them, and have fun!
General Rules
Welcome to the Captain America: The First Avenger kink meme! The general rules are below, but can also be found in the Guidelines Post. Please try to follow them, and have fun!
General Rules
- Please be civil and respectful towards each other.
- One prompt per comment. Feel free to post more ( Read more... )
Not bad on the ending, and the mirrored bookends work fairly well to give a sense of closure. With a little expanding, it could also be used to explore the symbolism that Steve is just selling himself to a new sort of John, now that he's Government Issue and all. You have some serious trouble when it comes to compression. Most of the story is told instead of shown (see Steve's gangbang), and the narrative doesn't treat traumatic events with the weight they deserve (again, the gangbang). There's also a lot of questions about gender constructs in the 1940s that get skimmed. Steve may not be the most stereotypically masculine of men pre-serum, but he still considers himself definitely male. There's no time spent parsing how being "better" when presenting as a woman affects him, which is a question I'd like to see seriously dealt with even if it's not part of the A-plot.
I recommend giving some serious consideration about how Steve's motivation and needs change. Art school as a motivator seems to fade away about halfway through, but there's no apparent reason for it. The replacing of art with military as a goal doesn't really make sense without some heavy digging. I can see how, hypothetically, Steve's self-worth might have been dragged so far down that he dropped art. Then, when he starts being treated well by soldiers, that could be something to latch onto, and it would almost make sense. But there would be some fairly heavy psychological digging involved, and the level you'd need to break Steve down to possibly wouldn't be worth the payoff.
TL;DR, this needs another 10,000 words to do the story justice. Lacking that, pick a place to focus and expand it into one scene. Show, don't tell!
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This. So much.
As far as I can tell, that's all you really needed to say. It's really more of an outline than a story.
I'm sorry your beta work got beleeeted. I really liked it.
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I disagree. Having the rape and gangbang offscreen made it more powerful for me. What's unseen is often scarier than what's right in front of you.
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But they didn't happen 'offscreen'. They happened right there. Just, you know, poorly described.
"He smiles until one night when they gang bang him in the alley."
If this is powerful writing for you, I advise you to avoid, oo, Dan Brown. The sheer uncontrolled power of getting a laundry list of events and characteristics may blow you to Oz.
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Right, like if it was implied rape, that's cool, but it wasn't. It was stated rape.
You could imply without showing by having a scene where Steve's picking himself up off the pavement and trying to hold himself together.
As I said, it really feels more like an outline.
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That's not powerful writing, anon. Powerful writing is this:
A bottle rolled under Steve's foot as he stumbled backwards. The Heels were strapped on, and he couldn't kick them off, but he wobbled. No one had ever taught him to balance in stilettos, and now he couldn't run. "Stay-- stay away!"
"What's wrong, doll? I thought you were looking for a real man!" The big redhead boy grinned and elbowed his buddies. He was big, bigger than Steve, bigger than a house it seemed, all heavy flesh and bone. From three feet, Steve could easily smell his rotting teeth. It churned his stomach.
There was just the bottle, a few beat up trash cans and no way to run. Steve's heart pounded up behind his eyes. This wasn't happening. It wasn't happening.
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Of course, if you disagree or think that prompt deserves another fill, then more power to you, anon, and I'm looking forward to reading your take on it. But don't say this version can't carry a powerful impact.
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Did you mean 'inherent'?
I only ask because the poster of the fic made a very similar error with 'costumer' for 'customer'. Rely on your autocorrect less, bb. :D
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Please take it to the guidelines post to continue the chatter so we can keep the prompt post for prompting and filling.
I am freezing this thread.
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