There's No Place Like Here...
So, to start things off, a break would not be complete without a quote of the night to kick things off:
(at the movies, watching the new Star Wars trailer)
Aaron: "Did you see Amidala's hair? It was just like Princess Leia's!"
Seth: "I wasn't looking at her hair."
Aaron: "Her boobs weren't even in the shot!"
Seth: "I wasn't looking at her boobs, either."
Aaron: "Well, what were you looking at--Anakin??"
Seth: "I was looking at the wookies!"
Aaron: (backing away) "Oooookaaaaay..."
Last night was nice. I don't know if I'd use the word "fun," but it was nice. It was good to see Lindsay and Seth and hang with them for a while. I guess I never realized how much I missed Seth. Weird how stuff like that happens, huh? Anyway, we hung out for a little while, then we went to see "The Incredibles." Good, but not a kids' movie. And then Seth and I just talked for a long while after we brought Lindsay home. It's weird. Last year, I would come home all the damn time. And I knew that this was the right place for me. It was the best place for me to be, the place where I felt the most loved and needed. It was good.
I don't belong here anymore.
It's scary to make that kind of a realization. What happens to you when you don't belong at home anymore? All weekend, I just wanted to come home. I was so ready. I even skipped classes on Tuesday so I could come home sooner. And now that I'm here, I realize that this really isn't the place for me anymore. There wasn't anyone I was really dying to see (please don't take offense to that). There wasn't anything I was really dying to do. I hadn't been here longer than about 30 minutes before I really just wanted to go back to school. I have made so much progress this year, and coming home and sleeping in my own bed just makes it all get shoved to the back again.
Maybe it's because last summer was so much more camp-focused than any other summer I've ever had. I spent time with my friends from Barre, but not a whole lot of it. There was hardly an evening or a weekend when I wasn't with at least one person from camp. And at the end of the summer, I cried because I had to leave all of those people behind. I didn't really make a huge deal about saying goodbye to everyone from Barre. So maybe I made myself detached, and now I am screwing myself over because I don't feel at home in my town anymore.
But it's not just the people. I did hang out with Lindsay and Seth last night, and it was nice. I enjoyed myself. It's this whole place. Being back here after the person I've become this semester. Because I am a whole hell of a lot different. Lindsay even told me so last night. I can't describe exactly how different I am, but I am different; I know it. I can feel it. If I wasn't, I would feel like I'm the last piece being put in the puzzle when I'm here. And I don't. I just don't. It's not that I don't want to be here--it's nice to have a break from the stress of school and to have something familiar around me. But in some senses, that familiarity is lost.
I wanted to do something last night, and I picked up my phone and called Caitlin without even thinking about it. After half a ring, I hung up, realizing that she was in Massachusetts and not here. Angi's not here. Lizzy's not here. Maggie's not here. Kira's not here. Emily and Jessi aren't here. I'm not even here. Which kinda begs the question...
Where the hell am I?
(at the movies, watching the new Star Wars trailer)
Aaron: "Did you see Amidala's hair? It was just like Princess Leia's!"
Seth: "I wasn't looking at her hair."
Aaron: "Her boobs weren't even in the shot!"
Seth: "I wasn't looking at her boobs, either."
Aaron: "Well, what were you looking at--Anakin??"
Seth: "I was looking at the wookies!"
Aaron: (backing away) "Oooookaaaaay..."
Last night was nice. I don't know if I'd use the word "fun," but it was nice. It was good to see Lindsay and Seth and hang with them for a while. I guess I never realized how much I missed Seth. Weird how stuff like that happens, huh? Anyway, we hung out for a little while, then we went to see "The Incredibles." Good, but not a kids' movie. And then Seth and I just talked for a long while after we brought Lindsay home. It's weird. Last year, I would come home all the damn time. And I knew that this was the right place for me. It was the best place for me to be, the place where I felt the most loved and needed. It was good.
I don't belong here anymore.
It's scary to make that kind of a realization. What happens to you when you don't belong at home anymore? All weekend, I just wanted to come home. I was so ready. I even skipped classes on Tuesday so I could come home sooner. And now that I'm here, I realize that this really isn't the place for me anymore. There wasn't anyone I was really dying to see (please don't take offense to that). There wasn't anything I was really dying to do. I hadn't been here longer than about 30 minutes before I really just wanted to go back to school. I have made so much progress this year, and coming home and sleeping in my own bed just makes it all get shoved to the back again.
Maybe it's because last summer was so much more camp-focused than any other summer I've ever had. I spent time with my friends from Barre, but not a whole lot of it. There was hardly an evening or a weekend when I wasn't with at least one person from camp. And at the end of the summer, I cried because I had to leave all of those people behind. I didn't really make a huge deal about saying goodbye to everyone from Barre. So maybe I made myself detached, and now I am screwing myself over because I don't feel at home in my town anymore.
But it's not just the people. I did hang out with Lindsay and Seth last night, and it was nice. I enjoyed myself. It's this whole place. Being back here after the person I've become this semester. Because I am a whole hell of a lot different. Lindsay even told me so last night. I can't describe exactly how different I am, but I am different; I know it. I can feel it. If I wasn't, I would feel like I'm the last piece being put in the puzzle when I'm here. And I don't. I just don't. It's not that I don't want to be here--it's nice to have a break from the stress of school and to have something familiar around me. But in some senses, that familiarity is lost.
I wanted to do something last night, and I picked up my phone and called Caitlin without even thinking about it. After half a ring, I hung up, realizing that she was in Massachusetts and not here. Angi's not here. Lizzy's not here. Maggie's not here. Kira's not here. Emily and Jessi aren't here. I'm not even here. Which kinda begs the question...
Where the hell am I?