Who wants to do that again? Show of hands?
WOW last night sucked. I faked having fun for most of the night so everyone else could still enjoy themselves, but toward the end, I couldn't do it anymore. And then Meghan snapped at me, which is the exact reason I started faking in the first place, and then I wanted to cry. And then she yelled at me when I was driving, and I wanted to cry again. The Montpelier exit didn't come soon enough.
What is going on with me lately? I just fall into these moods where nothing in the world is ever going to be right, and it depresses me so much. It happens all the time lately, and it happened as soon as we got into the car last night. And it sucked even more because Aja and Holly paired off to go drink, and Meghan and Dominic were all about hanging out with each other, Tim went with his other friends and.....where was I? It's not like people didn't talk to me or anything, it was just...not cool at all. Despite the fact that Meghan hardly even looked at me all night. I think I got the most communication out of Dominic.
And you know, Aja doesn't deserve that.
But I'm really afraid of what's happening to me. It happened at Ian's party last night, too. I just shut down after a little tiny something that I didn't like, and it took a lot to get me to smile again. However, Tawi did make me crack up a little with her life story. But seriously folks, what? I just...feel really alone. REALLY alone. Even when I'm around loads of people. Like at Ian's party, at Millennium last night. And it doesn't ever end. Ever. The only place where I don't feel alone is at camp. But not with the counselors, with the campers. Because they're the only ones that make me feel like they need me/want me there.
And you're an asshole. Seriously!
But then again, I have to stop and wonder if a lot of what I've been feeling lately is because I really am alone. I see these people with their significant others, and it just makes me feel really bad. Because the last relationship that I had where there was actual affection involved was with Amelia. And that was forever ago. You'd think in the two relationships that I've been in since then, I would have felt some. I just felt attacked. Used. All of the above. Is it wrong to have wanted something so bad with Woody, that I'm disappointed. Actually, Meghan was really nice when she said that she was sad for me last night. But anyway, I didn't think that I would be THIS disappointed. I mean, I don't think people understand how much I like him. And it's not just oogling him and stuff. I have talked to him and hung out with him, and he is everything that I want...but he's out of reach, and I don't think people realize how much that sucks for me.
So I'm going to go now and find Dana and drown in my sorrows because I am so sick of swimming.
What is going on with me lately? I just fall into these moods where nothing in the world is ever going to be right, and it depresses me so much. It happens all the time lately, and it happened as soon as we got into the car last night. And it sucked even more because Aja and Holly paired off to go drink, and Meghan and Dominic were all about hanging out with each other, Tim went with his other friends and.....where was I? It's not like people didn't talk to me or anything, it was just...not cool at all. Despite the fact that Meghan hardly even looked at me all night. I think I got the most communication out of Dominic.
And you know, Aja doesn't deserve that.
But I'm really afraid of what's happening to me. It happened at Ian's party last night, too. I just shut down after a little tiny something that I didn't like, and it took a lot to get me to smile again. However, Tawi did make me crack up a little with her life story. But seriously folks, what? I just...feel really alone. REALLY alone. Even when I'm around loads of people. Like at Ian's party, at Millennium last night. And it doesn't ever end. Ever. The only place where I don't feel alone is at camp. But not with the counselors, with the campers. Because they're the only ones that make me feel like they need me/want me there.
And you're an asshole. Seriously!
But then again, I have to stop and wonder if a lot of what I've been feeling lately is because I really am alone. I see these people with their significant others, and it just makes me feel really bad. Because the last relationship that I had where there was actual affection involved was with Amelia. And that was forever ago. You'd think in the two relationships that I've been in since then, I would have felt some. I just felt attacked. Used. All of the above. Is it wrong to have wanted something so bad with Woody, that I'm disappointed. Actually, Meghan was really nice when she said that she was sad for me last night. But anyway, I didn't think that I would be THIS disappointed. I mean, I don't think people understand how much I like him. And it's not just oogling him and stuff. I have talked to him and hung out with him, and he is everything that I want...but he's out of reach, and I don't think people realize how much that sucks for me.
So I'm going to go now and find Dana and drown in my sorrows because I am so sick of swimming.