it's a long one....
" I'm not afraid of dying... pieces of me die all the time"
-Sage Francois
I have never been one for mind games.. I have never been one to hold back, or lie, cheat, or do anything to intentionally hurt someone....
I treat others as I wish to be treated, I love my friends, and I know they love me... I have been brutally honest, and open with everyone...
a strange and interesting tale:
When I was 17, I met him, we hung out, when we kissed it was like fire through my whole body, I was young, I didn't want to get serious, I was moving out west soon.. I dated two Chris's over Christmas that year.
I really only wanted one, but i wasn't ready to settle down... I couldn't hide anything from him, so I told him, and that ended that... fast forward 6 months, it's grad night.. my friend Tasha is drunk, we run into him and his friend Rob, they come back to my empty house.. I thought he was hitting on Tasha, so I started hitting on Rob, I wanted him and if he didn't' want me.. I'd show him.. I was so foolish...
Apparently he walked in when I was fooling around with Rob, turned heel and walked out.. i came out a few hours later saying it had been the best night of my life... it hadn't... He was angry he was snide, callous and cruel.. I don't' remember it too clearly, but am certain I was equally evil in return.... Part of me was aching to throttle him, and part of me wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him....
Same of the details from there on are sketchy, car accident, pain pills... I spoke to him on the phone after that.. I got the impression from his roommate that I shouldn't call there anymore.. then car accident.. hazy drug clouded memories..... I started dating someone else, and that turned into a Long relationship...
Fast forward 6 years, I get a message in my email that Chris had added me through some birthday reminder program to his "friends"... I investigate and copy and paste his email address into my messenger...
I was dating someone, so it was more of a "Hi remember me?".. nothing serious, he would go off to work, I had to get to school.. he messaged me on Wednesday with warm birthday wishes... Thursday I talked to the latest ex to see if things are really over... Friday night I see the ex out, and realized he isn't what I want, and it is really over...
Friday night I talk to my roommate and tell her it's over with the ex, but I am glad I met him, because I realized that I am ready to settle down with someone, if that person eventually comes along, it is important for that guy to "get me".. someone I can communicate with....
I wake up Saturday morning, and Chris is on messenger.. it started out innocent enough.. so how's life been in the last 6 years... conversation flowed so easily... old feelings were stirred up and then it blossomed... every time i talked to him, I got jittery, with butterflies and giggling, the smile wouldn't leave my face...
he works with mentally and physically handicapped children, he is taking university courses part time, he plays football, baseball, badminton....
We talked about grad night... he wasn't hitting on Tasha he was trying to impress her because he still had a crush on me... there was only me....
I cried, as the realization began to sink in....
He says what I am thinking.. when we "chat" we both say the same thing at the same time... we both agreed simultaneously that everything happens for a reason no bitterness about grad night.... and we went back into the flirting and the expectations of dating again...
Last night, we were talking about his visit next weekend... the first time we will have seen each other in 6 years... he told me he had a lot to tell me... he said we would discuss it next weekend.. I didn't pry.. he's said that before.. I have lots to tell him as well.. It has been 6 years, you know I've been from one end of this country to the other in that time....
The he drops the "bombshell" he says he has something he needs to tell me now.. he is going to be a father.. he is expecting a child... i immediately am swirling with questions... when? with who? do you still love her? are you still together?
then I pause and realize.. we aren't dating.. we've just been talking.. we are simply friends.. and I quickly interject.. with "this is none of my business forgive me for asking"
He says he wants me to know everything that I can ask anything... he' s going to be partially responsible for another human being.. in less than a month.... he still lives with the mother of his child.. they aren't "together" anymore, but have decided to live together in separate rooms until the baby is born....
I told him today.. that maybe we should hold off on seeing each other... until his life is sorted out, he isn't living with the mother of his child.. and all that jazz... he agreed...
I told him maybe we shouldn't date at all maybe he should try and work things out with her.. I mean they will be having child together... he responded with such force
Chris says: (7:51:52 PM)
yeah you are right
I should stay with her and ignore everything
Chris says: (7:52:20 PM)
thanks for making me realize that
I should just be content in a failed relationship being only held together by my son and then when he is 18 and goes to college I try to date then
Chris says: (7:53:23 PM)
good idea thanks
I'll call you in 2023"
I cried as it hit me like a ton of bricks
it wasn't one of those.. I THINK or I MIGHT or I COULD be
I am in love....
that "chat log" you just read.. is a sarcastic, snide, witty thing that Jamie would say... even my roommate confirmed it.. he's so perfect for me... and that's only one little example of how awesome he is...
Jamie fell in love for the first time in her life... Saturday October 15th 2005...
I called my mom.. and i told her.. I said he was funny, driven and intelligent...
her response (and the reason I love her so dearly)
"Not smart enough to figure out how to use a condom"
-Sage Francois
I have never been one for mind games.. I have never been one to hold back, or lie, cheat, or do anything to intentionally hurt someone....
I treat others as I wish to be treated, I love my friends, and I know they love me... I have been brutally honest, and open with everyone...
a strange and interesting tale:
When I was 17, I met him, we hung out, when we kissed it was like fire through my whole body, I was young, I didn't want to get serious, I was moving out west soon.. I dated two Chris's over Christmas that year.
I really only wanted one, but i wasn't ready to settle down... I couldn't hide anything from him, so I told him, and that ended that... fast forward 6 months, it's grad night.. my friend Tasha is drunk, we run into him and his friend Rob, they come back to my empty house.. I thought he was hitting on Tasha, so I started hitting on Rob, I wanted him and if he didn't' want me.. I'd show him.. I was so foolish...
Apparently he walked in when I was fooling around with Rob, turned heel and walked out.. i came out a few hours later saying it had been the best night of my life... it hadn't... He was angry he was snide, callous and cruel.. I don't' remember it too clearly, but am certain I was equally evil in return.... Part of me was aching to throttle him, and part of me wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him....
Same of the details from there on are sketchy, car accident, pain pills... I spoke to him on the phone after that.. I got the impression from his roommate that I shouldn't call there anymore.. then car accident.. hazy drug clouded memories..... I started dating someone else, and that turned into a Long relationship...
Fast forward 6 years, I get a message in my email that Chris had added me through some birthday reminder program to his "friends"... I investigate and copy and paste his email address into my messenger...
I was dating someone, so it was more of a "Hi remember me?".. nothing serious, he would go off to work, I had to get to school.. he messaged me on Wednesday with warm birthday wishes... Thursday I talked to the latest ex to see if things are really over... Friday night I see the ex out, and realized he isn't what I want, and it is really over...
Friday night I talk to my roommate and tell her it's over with the ex, but I am glad I met him, because I realized that I am ready to settle down with someone, if that person eventually comes along, it is important for that guy to "get me".. someone I can communicate with....
I wake up Saturday morning, and Chris is on messenger.. it started out innocent enough.. so how's life been in the last 6 years... conversation flowed so easily... old feelings were stirred up and then it blossomed... every time i talked to him, I got jittery, with butterflies and giggling, the smile wouldn't leave my face...
he works with mentally and physically handicapped children, he is taking university courses part time, he plays football, baseball, badminton....
We talked about grad night... he wasn't hitting on Tasha he was trying to impress her because he still had a crush on me... there was only me....
I cried, as the realization began to sink in....
He says what I am thinking.. when we "chat" we both say the same thing at the same time... we both agreed simultaneously that everything happens for a reason no bitterness about grad night.... and we went back into the flirting and the expectations of dating again...
Last night, we were talking about his visit next weekend... the first time we will have seen each other in 6 years... he told me he had a lot to tell me... he said we would discuss it next weekend.. I didn't pry.. he's said that before.. I have lots to tell him as well.. It has been 6 years, you know I've been from one end of this country to the other in that time....
The he drops the "bombshell" he says he has something he needs to tell me now.. he is going to be a father.. he is expecting a child... i immediately am swirling with questions... when? with who? do you still love her? are you still together?
then I pause and realize.. we aren't dating.. we've just been talking.. we are simply friends.. and I quickly interject.. with "this is none of my business forgive me for asking"
He says he wants me to know everything that I can ask anything... he' s going to be partially responsible for another human being.. in less than a month.... he still lives with the mother of his child.. they aren't "together" anymore, but have decided to live together in separate rooms until the baby is born....
I told him today.. that maybe we should hold off on seeing each other... until his life is sorted out, he isn't living with the mother of his child.. and all that jazz... he agreed...
I told him maybe we shouldn't date at all maybe he should try and work things out with her.. I mean they will be having child together... he responded with such force
Chris says: (7:51:52 PM)
yeah you are right
I should stay with her and ignore everything
Chris says: (7:52:20 PM)
thanks for making me realize that
I should just be content in a failed relationship being only held together by my son and then when he is 18 and goes to college I try to date then
Chris says: (7:53:23 PM)
good idea thanks
I'll call you in 2023"
I cried as it hit me like a ton of bricks
it wasn't one of those.. I THINK or I MIGHT or I COULD be
I am in love....
that "chat log" you just read.. is a sarcastic, snide, witty thing that Jamie would say... even my roommate confirmed it.. he's so perfect for me... and that's only one little example of how awesome he is...
Jamie fell in love for the first time in her life... Saturday October 15th 2005...
I called my mom.. and i told her.. I said he was funny, driven and intelligent...
her response (and the reason I love her so dearly)
"Not smart enough to figure out how to use a condom"