(Untitled)

[shockheadedpete]

WHO: Pete, Jan, THE MALL
WHERE: THE MALL
WHEN: Saturday.
WARNINGS: Consumerism. What not to wear.
SUMMARY: Pete needs new clothes. Pete really, really needs new clothes.
FORMAT: Word salad.

Comments

[youmakemesmall]

Jan is staring at the shirt like it offends her.

Actually, it does.

"Let's stay away from plaid, shall we? Try a solid, dark color," she all but shoves a dark blue button down shirt at him. "Just try it and see what you think. And give me the plaid."

Before someone gets hurt.

[shockheadedpete]

Pete reluctantly releases the lumberjack uniform. That's probably why it appeals to him: the guy has a thing for uniforms. He squints at the shirt she has suggested.

"Okay. I guess. It's just..."

So not orange.

"Can I help you with anything?" A fake-ly smiling salesgirl chirps. She seems intent on getting all up in their business.

[youmakemesmall]

Said salesgirl looks as orange as the shirt Pete is longing for. Fake tans were really not attractive.

"No, thanks. We're fine."

Jan is trying to nudge Pete towards the dressing room before this woman can inflict anymore damage to his already low shopping mojo.

[shockheadedpete]

Can you blame him? It's like some kind of mindgame: every size is different (which makes no sense), and there are letters and numbers to navigate, and it's like they hide the large sizes out of shame or something. Don't get him started on matching.

Pete lets Jan herd him. Saying no to women is hard.

"Um. I still need pants," he points out. And that will be the real challenge.

[youmakemesmall]

"You'll need slacks. Maybe jeans to knock around in," she taps her finger to her chin, looking thoughtful.

No huge belt buckles, sorry buddy.

"Any preference on color?"

[shockheadedpete]

Hey. He may be Southern, but he's not Texan.

"I got jeans."

Jeans overalls.

"Whuddaya mean 'color'?"

Aren't jeans just jeans color?

[youmakemesmall]

"Well there's--"

Jan can almost feel the saleslady looking. And maybe laughing a little bit.

"Let's find you a pair of dark colored jeans. I promise it'll look good."

[shockheadedpete]

Pete slinks toward the denim section.

"I hate when they look at you, like they're judgin' if you're good enough to buy their clothes," he grumbles.

Oh god: it's a sea of jeans.

[youmakemesmall]

"So let them judge. It's just that they hate their jobs and they take it out on the customers. It has nothing to do with you as a person," Jan is already expertly sifting through the ocean of denim.

A pep talk and a shopping trip all rolled into one. Jan wonders if she should have gotten her PhD in Psychology.

"If any of the jeans are a little too big or long but look good, you can just get them tailored. A dark colored belt is probably good, too."

[shockheadedpete]

Pete just stares at her for a moment. At six feet tall, and somewhere around 200lbs, "too big" or "too long" are not problems Pete has.

"I dunno, I think a tailor'd just laugh at ya."

[youmakemesmall]

"It's their job not to fix clothes. I'd doubt they'd laugh if they wanted to stay in business."

Was it possible she had found someone with worse self esteem than hers? Truly amazing. "Really, the best thing to do is try things on and just see how they look. Ancient shopping technique. It never fails. Worse comes to worse, something looks bad and then you just don't buy it."

[shockheadedpete]

He stares at her again. That's...practically genius. Something looks bad and then you just don't buy it.

"I never thoughta it like that."

[youmakemesmall]

"Don't think. Just do."

And he's getting jeans thrown at him and being shoved once more towards a dressing room. For someone who is only 5'3" and a little over a hundred pounds, she can have a lot of power when she wants.

The salesgirl looks like she's ready to come over again. Jan prepares herself for an epic showdown.

[shockheadedpete]

Once Pete is safely in the fitting room, the salesgirl strikes. She takes a different tactic this time: girl talk.

"Men, huh?" She pouts, theatrically. She clearly decided Jan is the one who is holding the purse strings today, and that if she's going to get anywhere, she'll have to build female raport. "It's a wonder some of them don't just go around naked."

She's all eyerolls and glossy lips. Then she adds:

"We do have a big and tall section. Maybe I should just duck over there for you guys?"

[youmakemesmall]

This was not the week to even be talking to Jan. She was so cranky. Ex-husbands and boyfriends running around the city, work, Tony being a jerk-- just not good. But still. She has to be polite. She is practically a public figure not.

"No, thank you. If we need you, we know where to find you."

She smiles back, almost as saccharine as the salesgirl. People have to make a living, yes, but God. Do not want.

[shockheadedpete]

The saleswoman's smile wilts, and she marches away to lurk behind a rack of shorts.

Please: don't make Pete wear shorts.

The dressing room door opens. Pete's wearing the dark blue shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans. It's a lot of dark blue, but it does hide his belly a little.

"I dunno about this."

When you're used to wearing trackpants, jeans are stiff.