if I was in world war two they'd call me spitfire.

[swwag]

WHO: Eridan Ampora and Gamzee Makara.
WHERE: In some farmer's field somewhere on the edge of the city.
WHEN: 3/20
WARNINGS: FAITO.
SUMMARY: Gamzee totally sassed Eridan up over the network. They are now official In The Shit and about to try and mangle each other.
FORMAT: Starting with para, but I'm good with whatever!

Comments

[hasgonehonkers]

Oh good, he was taking the bait, this would go over better than- wait. What the hell was he looking at? Was Eridan... was he fucking human? No that couldn't be Eridan, could it? Well, there was that earlier comment where Eridan was surprised that Gamzee was a troll.

And he couldn't believe it, but he looked even weirder as a human. It was very, very fucking hard for Gamzee not to laugh.

He just barely managed to hold it and started to sneak towards Eridan, keeping in mind that he still hadn't blasted his wand yet, so if he turned towards him he'd have to fucking bolt. The only good thing that might happen here with getting caught is that if Eridan fired on him at least he wouldn't have to hold in his laughter as he dodged for it. Still though, he was going to keep going with his original plan and hope this didn't fall through. Dying at the hands of Eridan really seemed like it might be embarrassing for him.

He threw another rock and almost missed the horn this time, he still had to hope that Eridan didn't turn his head at the right time and see the rock. Fortunately, it seemed like this would be the last one. He was getting close enough that after this movement he should be able to attack with full force.

[swwag]

Alright, that was enough of that. Gamzee should probably be within range by now, if he really was sneaking around, and if he wasn't, he'd still be in range for a good blast to the chest... or more preferably, to the face.

Without warning, Eridan whipped around and, wand primed, scanned the field for the clown. If he saw him, Gamzee would get a bolt of energy shot straight at him - but if he didn't, Eridan would stand there for a second and then take a few steps further into the empty field, watching.

God, he hated things like these. It had always been so much easier and so preferable to just raze everything to the ground until he found who he was looking for.

[hasgonehonkers]

Oh fuck, god damn it Eridan would probably be able to see him.

Well, fuck it time for plan b. Gamzee wasn't entirely sure if he was chucking one of his clubs at Eridan's head before he shot, during his shot, or a split-second after. He did know though that he did chuck in fact chuck that one club in a headwardly direction.

The rest of those split-seconds he spent dodging and giggling like a maniac. He was pretty sure he was singed and bleeding somewhere on his body, but Gamzee didn't really care about it. Didn't hurt all that bad and it kind of actually made him feel a little... happier? Yeah, something like that.

His giggling stopped though after he managed to roll himself into a better position. Now he was going to motherfucking charge this motherfucker and if he could get it right he'd make his head concave or at least hopefully crunch something important.

So what Eridan would probably see was a psychotic shoeless troll clown charging at him, with a pretty nasty wound in his side that he didn't really seem to care about. That probably wasn't fucking weird to see at all.

[swwag]

The satisfaction of a hit - not the one he wanted, he would've wanted to just kill him right then and there and end the fight - was kind of obscured by getting a juggling club in the fucking face. He'd found out sometime earlier that human bodies weren't quite as durable as troll bodies either, or at least his wasn't; the club cracked both his glasses and his nose, and he staggered back cussing, tossing his broken glasses to the dirt. Good thing they were nonprescription in the first place.

One he righted himself, Eridan got to see a psychotic shoeless troll clown charging him, with a pretty nasty wound in his side that he didn't really seem to care about. Weird and kind of frightening (okay a lot frightening), but he wasn't running scared from honks or anything like anyone else. Not bothering to wipe the magenta blood running down his face, he aimed again - lower, this time, looking to cripple Gamzee - and fired, knowing full well that if he missed, Gamzee would already be on him before he could fire again.

Probably should've brought a sidearm.

[hasgonehonkers]

Eridan's next blast didn't completely miss, but Gamzee did dodge again and now he had a nasty bleeding wound on his leg to match his side. Like with the first wound though he really didn't seem to care that much and it only seemed to slow him down by a split-second, if even that.

Now that Gamzee was within range he was grinning his face off and he felt free to make all sorts of irritating honking sounds. First thing he was going to do, if he could, was knock Eridan to the ground and then smash his wand hand. Not that the knocking down part would be any less pleasant than smashing the hand since that would still involve being hit pretty hard with a club and most of Gamzee's weight. Well, and he was mostly aiming for Eridan's face again.

[swwag]

Well fuck. Not according to keikaku.

Eridan caught most of the club's blow with his forearm; it didn't keep him from getting knocked down, considering Gamzee was probably a good deal stronger and heavier than he was now (fuck this body), but it did keep his face from becoming concave. He might've fucked up his wand wrist, but whatever, deal with that later. He groped at the dirt with his free hand, searching...

"Hey subjugglator-"

There.

"-honk honk, you landlubbin' piece of shit."

What came next was Eridan swinging the club that cracked him the face not too long ago right at Gamzee's, looking to return the favor. Or at least shut up that godawful honking of his.

[hasgonehonkers]

The honking stopped for a few seconds, that club landed pretty well and it might even Gamzee's nose. When the honking came back though it actually sounded lower and possibly threatening. He was pretty pissed about the comment after all, so the change in his voice probably wasn't that surprising.

Gamzee was going to do two things at this point. The first thing he was going to try to do was to grab Eridan's arm, twist it, and hopefully snap it. He did it with Nepeta's arm so he could probably do it to Eridan while he was human. While he was doing this he was lifting his own clubbing arm pretty high, he was going to swing that arm with full force down on Eridan's defending arm. He was aiming to smash any part of that arm he fucking could.

It did leave that swinging side of his body open for attack too though, but he probably wouldn't feel anything in time to stop him unless it forcefully moved him.

[swwag]

Eridan didn't realize Gamzee had gotten a hold of his arm until he heard the snap. Even then, he didn't look to see how bad the break was nor did he particularly care; he'd had things broken before in his campaigns, particularly when Vriska was involved, and though it'd probably hurt like a motherfucker (to take a tip from Gamzee) later, right now he was too preoccupied with not getting his face smashed in by a psychotic clown to really feel it.

So when Gamzee raised his club, Eridan seized the opportunity to aim his wand again, this time at Gamzee's clubbing hand. With luck, he'd either render that hand useless or just blow the club to smithereens, though his aim wasn't exactly precise right now. And at the same time, he was jamming his foot into whatever part of the clown he could, either to shove him off or just to rack him.

No such thing as fighting dirty when you're fighting a psychotic juggalo.

[hasgonehonkers]

Way to go Eridan, there's now club shrapnel flying all over the place.

"Motherfuckin low blooded motherfuckin sea dweller," the kicking was not fun and Gamzee sure didn't appreciate anyone kicking anywhere near where Kan had been kicking, "see how you all like this."

If Gamzee had learned anything from the crotch rocket over the cliff it was that hits to the crotch were pretty effective, and after he snapped Eridan's arm he did have a free one to use to try and punch Eridan in the groin. His other hand was trying to get that wand out of this fight, or at least snag it so he could use it. Really, he'd just be happy to get that thing away from being pointed at him again.

Are you about ready for Felicia to show up?

[swwag]

Snarling, bringing the kicking leg up to try and keep Gamzee from punching him in the crotch (or at least make it a lot harder), Eridan did his best to jam the other one in the nasty wound to Gamzee's side and shove him off, or maybe just make him give a half second's pause.

"I'm not about to let filth-blooded pond scum forget its fuckin' place," Eridan spat, and though there was no note of desperation in his voice, he was starting to feel it. The wand, at least, had to stay out of Gamzee's hands. He fought to keep a hold of it, using the force Gamzee was using to pull it away to point it in the general direction of the clown, aiming to blow the crown of his head off. Or maybe a chunk out of his shoulder. Or even destroy one of his horns, he'd even settle for that.

And then Gamzee actually landed the punch, and regardless of whether it'd hit anything or not, the wand fired.

I'm good for that, yeah

[hasgonehonkers]

Gamzee just looked pissed with the wand going off. The fact that it had cut a bit into his shoulder, like all the other wounds, didn't even seem to register with him.

"I know my place and it's motherfucking above you motherfucker," he snarled, still trying to get the wand away from Eridan. This time though he was going to use his other hand to try and break one of Eridan's legs. Those were getting fucking annoying and he needed every advantage he could get to get that fucking wand out of this fight.

If he got hold of that thing he knew there was a good chance this was all over.

[acrossyourpath]

Although Felicia had seen plenty of crazy fights in her lifetime (and her stay here), being called in to break up two superpowered children before they killed each other was a new challenge she wasn't particularly sure she was excited about. When did she become a babysitter?

She was at the field when Eridan's wand went off, and eyebrows raised behind her dark domino mask. She was a good fighter, but this wasn't something she wanted to get herself immersed in. After she got their attention first, of course. She slunk through the field quietly, stopping beside a tractor. She turned it on, setting it on course to plow into them or at least distract them long enough for her to get in there and administer a few kicks to one or both of their heads.

For once she was grateful for her power; causing bad luck was always a plus when she needed the good luck on her side. Assuming it would work.

[swwag]

Not a whole lot of things would've been able to get Eridan's attention right then, preoccupied trying to both keep out of Gamzee's grasp and keep the wand out of his hands, but a tractor heading straight for them was one of them. Instead of trying to move out of the tractor's path to avoid getting crushed, as most people would probably do, Eridan instead took the opportunity to raggedly aim another wand blast at whatever part of (a hopefully distracted) Gamzee he could.

It might not have been the greatest idea to challenge a murderous troll in a human body, but he'd be damned if this was going to end without at least one more parting shot. Besides, his legs were fine and he had one good arm; he could probably roll out of the way or something.

LJ NOTIFS WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING - AHHHHHH

[hasgonehonkers]

Gamzee noticed the tractor and was just about to get up and run away from it, but then Eridan had to get his attention back by firing on him again. He even managed to hit the same fucking spot as last time. There was no way Gamzee was letting Eridan get away with that.

Since he was now in a better position for it, on account of him about to get up a few seconds before, he lifted up his foot and aimed to slam it down hard right beneath Eridan's sternum. It would fucking hurt if he got that last kick then. After he did that though his only plan was to start running out of here. The last thing he needed was to potentially fight someone else while he was still fighting Eridan who still had his fucking wand.

NO WORRIES!!

[acrossyourpath]

Christ, why weren't they getting out of the way? Time for plan B. Felicia waited a few more minutes, watching them carefully, trying to will her powers to work better, quicker... something so she could be sure they were working.

She ran forward, pressing her palms on the tractor so that she could leap over it. The momentum of the moving machine propelled her forward, and she swung her leg out, intending to kick that clown's foot away. If that didn't work she'd figure something else out. She was used to thinking on her feet.

[swwag]

That kick did indeed fucking hurt, and Eridan had every intention of grabbing Gamzee's ankle and trying to jerk him off his feet, maybe drag him underneath the tractor's wheels and watch the indigo blood pour out of his smarmy subjugglating mouth. That was, if Felicia hadn't shown and kicked at Gamzee's foot, managing to kick Eridan's hand away in the process.

Swearing, he instead joined the effort in shoving Gamzee as far away from him as possible, and then getting the hell out of the tractor's way once he was loose.