WHO: MU MU HAKYHOUSE AND GUESTS (so, basically anyone who is friends with any of the folks in the house can show up. :>
WHERE: A certain townhouse in Park Slope, Brooklyn.
WHEN: Backdated to Saturday, 2/19/11
WARNINGS: Toward the Terrangst, goofy shonen shenanigans, & Hiei.
SUMMARY: Now that the dust of Keith's Death By Heroes has settled, it's
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He'd agreed to try and change, hopefully for the better. To be something substantial beyond Soldier - whatever that could possibly end up being. He wasn't overly social, Mu though he was.
But he did want his comrades to be happy. Safe. If he had the means to do that by simply being alive and well, that counted for something, right? He tried to believe that, descending slowly down to the main level, head fixed in the direction of the front door where he could sense the several minds of familiar people.
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He lingered by the staircase, palm on the wall as he leaned enough to see the suggestions of shapes mulling there. Of course it was alright; Blue was certain he could never turn one of his own away.
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I'm... He wandered in the direction of the stairs as he tried to find the answer to give to Blue's concern. ...better, he decided. Thanks to you.
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Relief echoed at the sight of him, even though he'd known him to arrive minutes before. Physical sight had its merits. It did cause some of his carefully-set guards to begin deteriorating right away, giving his neutral expression a wash of other things. The relief, continued concern, the guilt he still felt for his role in everything.
But he'd resolved to try. Whether it was to live up to the expectations of what he was supposed to be, or simply to reach a standard of something that could help at all - he'd decided to try.
"I'm-" he had to swallow to make his voice level. "I'm glad you're here, Jonah." I'm glad you're alright.
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"I couldn't stop Keith," he said quietly. "I'm sorry." The words felt useless, but he had to say it anyway.
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His eyes opened as he exhaled, out with much of his selfish regrets.
"Responsibility over Keith Anyan falls on Keith Anyan," he said. "Not you. As an ally...as a friend, even. It only goes so far. You're not to blame for his decisions or actions, only for your own...And even in those, I...can't resent you for any of it." Blue's head tilted slightly. "You sense that, don't you?"
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Blue should have resented him, he couldn't help but think. Time after time, he'd reached out, and time after time Matsuka had disappointed him, staying at the side of his enemy.
In the end, all for nothing.
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"The Soldier looks at no Mu as an enemy," he said, his expression drained of the strain it held.
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He certainly wasn't a doing a good job with the followthrough of his decisions, it seemed.
"I'm sorry," he said, looking vaguely chastised for a moment. The pause was almost instinct - where he'd be repeatedly told to stop apologizing for this or that. In that same vein ( ... )
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In spite of what Blue said, he felt guilty, and ashamed. He should feel guilty and ashamed. But if those feelings were causing Blue distress, then what could be done?
Empathy both helped and didn't help.
A shaky little smile came to his face, almost in spite of himself. "Shuichi said that we were probably thinking the same things," he murmured. "It seems like he was right after all."
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His expression took on something almost sheepish - someone not used to being seen as an equal by his peers. The fear of causing disappointment was almost as strong as that wish to not cause guilt or shame at the time. "I have been called out on my shortcomings...as a friend. And that is the only apology that needs to be said here, I think."
Blue's head lowered a little, eyes drifting downward as he spoke. "I've spent a lot of time...trying to be something I must be...in another place. It doesn't work here. Not well. I've become...more of a deterrent than a support."
He forced his head to lift, looking Matsuka in the eye. "Jonah, I can't be upset with you for these things. Not the way they've passed. Not when you yourself told me it was your choice to help him, even if there was danger. You weren't being forced. You weren't...placed at his side by Lachesis ( ... )
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He brought his hands up, holding them against his chest, trying to take Blue's meaning to heart. Maybe he had been wrong from the beginning... but he tried to think about it in perspective with the lives of the Mu back in their own time, still ruled by Superior Domination. The freedom to make the wrong decisions... that was still better than not being free to choose at all, wasn't it?
It was more than Keith had, really.
"Since you've asked me..." he said slowly, "I'll try not to apologize any more." Not for that, at least.
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...Of course, that may not apply to Blue himself much more, considering he had seen his future end. But for Matsuka's sake, it was true. And Blue wished it to remain true.
"Thank you," he said - he meant it. There was a lightening of emotion at that. "And I will try to be a better friend instead of simply Soldier. If that is acceptable to you."
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He hoped.
"Thank you."
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