I could probably put Haddaway lyrics here

[speedofnaked]

WHO: Terra Branford and Keith Anyan
WHERE: The City! Somewhere.
WHEN: Today
WARNINGS: Schizophrenic genre switches and mood swings, magic gone awry, hideous hideous hideous.
WHAT: Everything is broken forever. By which I mean human souls are reclaimed, a chance encounter turns this into a bad soap opera, more hideous.
WORDS: yes

Comments

[prodigitalson]

On the flip side, Keith was not so happy about machines suddenly attacking people. For as long as he could remember, machines had been the one thing he could trust. But the 'Porter had already ruined that, so why expect the rest of this world's technology to behave itself, either? Besides...

...he had other things to worry about.

No amount of fending off rabid toasters could entirely distract him from the fact that he felt different. A little mellow, a little light-headed--he was still half-convinced someone had drugged him, but it had lasted over two days now, so that couldn't be it. And besides...it didn't feel like he'd been drugged, not really. It felt like a weight of pressing hatred had been lifted just a little off his shoulders. It felt like he liked the world around him and its people enough to breathe deeply for once.

Such was the mood he was in when he found himself sitting on a bench in a small park, watching the people go by and realizing that for once, he didn't feel so lonely. For once, he didn't hate everything. In fact, he almost caught himself smiling at that green-haired girl as she wandered by. Almost.

He did still feel kind of stoned, though. Or would if he knew what stoned felt like.

[speedofnaked]

Parks did not usually serve as hiding places for sentient robots, so at first Terra wasn't sure why she came here in the first place. There would be no fighting here, but destruction wasn't really what she wanted either.

What did she want? To protect people, yes. To keep people from fighting, of course. To prevent needless hurt, there was no doubt about that. But those things were not easy to acquire when the forces between which she was permanently caught, a liaison by circumstance of her birth, were not at odds here. The one half didn't even have presence here, aside from within her.

And it was that half that separated her from what she wanted most. To know "love"... that was why Aphrodite had given her the ring her thumb played with. She halfway torn between giving up and ripping the trinket off, to toss it into the trees - or between simply closing her eyes and twisting the gem, bringing the enchantment to life with whomever she stumbled upon.

That such a person seemed to be watching her gave her pause. Sure, Terra was used to garnering attention sometimes when she went out, but not from people she recognized.

She had seen that man's face before, hadn't she? Slowing her pace to an eventual stop, Terra turned her attention to the man on the bench.

"Excuse me," she said lightly, eyebrows drawn in confusion, but not unkindly, "but do I know you from somewhere?"

[prodigitalson]

It wasn't a very large park; it would be easy for robots to overrun it if they wanted to. That had been Keith's excuse for settling in here at first, anyway. Now he was just watching the people, a peculiar experience for him.

And then one of them approached him: that girl with the green hair. He thought, reflexively, of shutting her out--glaring at her and giving a terse response. That was what he would normally do. Why not do the same thing now?

Because he no longer felt like he needed to be so alone. It was a subtle change, but it was there.

So instead of a glare, he turned solemn and unjudging eyes on Terra. He recognized her voice. "We've spoken on the network," he said. "My name is Keith Anyan. You're...Terra." It felt strange still to call a person by that name and not the planet they were on.

[speedofnaked]

It was his voice she recognized, even more than his name. He was the man from the planet called Terra, and it had been the coincidence of her name that had sparked any sort of conversation between them. But it was the things he spoke about beyond that which had kept her attention, of the nature of humans, of power, and war. It reminded of her own world, and how little she really knew about it.

"Yes, I am." She could have just continued on, with that minor curiosity satisfied, but... perhaps what she wanted was a conversation, and not a battle. It wasn't as though there were many people she felt she could talk to, anyway-Jomy was still abroad, Zelgadis would give her deadpan looks and probably change the subject, and trying to talk to her teammates made Terra feel like even more of a lost child. While probably not the best choice for conversation, there still existed between them some common ground.

Regardless, she still hesitated before finally gesturing to Keith's bench. "Do you mind if I...?"

[prodigitalson]

His voice, such as it was. It was still recognizable, but a little different today. Less full of steel, maybe even with some rounded edges. A little hesitant. He wasn't used to seeing the world this way.

If he'd known that the girl in front of him considered Jomy Marcus Shin a friend, even in his current mood he might have turned her away. But he was oblivious (to that as to so many other things regarding interpersonal relationships). So he simply glanced at the empty seat next to him. "...I don't mind," he said after a moment. "I think..." He spoke even more slowly now. This was entirely new territory. "I would appreciate the company."

[speedofnaked]

Terra herself was likewise oblivious to the connection between the person before her and Jomy; she wasn't even aware that Jomy wasn't an ordinary human. But for now, she gave little thought to the Mu (indeed, they were a subject about which she knew almost nothing), her attention instead focusing on the new, almost hesitant quality of Keith's tone. She was far more used to him appearing more self-assured and assertive, at least over the network.

She took the seat beside him with a returned smile and a quiet "thank you," hands folding on her knees. For a time she was silent, unsure of herself and her place, watching the others in the park as Keith had done before her arrival. Though there were a few people walking alone, her attention always lingered on those who did not; she was not alone, but the sight made her feel lonely, and she was quick to turn her attention back to Keith. "Have you been well?"

[prodigitalson]

For that matter, Keith himself was used to appearing self-assured and assertive, both over the network and in person. Things had been different the past few days, if only subtly. While Terra felt keenly aware of her loneliness, Keith was more aware than ever that he was not alone, and he didn't know what to make of that. On some level, it frightened him...

...but on another level, it soothed him. Which was why he said nothing to push Terra away, and he even honestly answered her question. "I believe...I've been better than usual. I'm not aware why."

[speedofnaked]

"I'm glad." At least, about the being better part. In continuing pattern of their ignorance of one another's lives, Terra had no way of knowing what had changed Keith, or why, or whether it was even worth being concerned about. It wasn't like he reeked of magic or was obviously cursed.

She scuffed one foot against the ground, her gaze shifting from him to no space in particular with a tilt of her head. "But why... I don't know. It's hard to know what to feel here, or how..."

Absently, her fingers fussed with the ring on her right hand, a nervous gesture, but still managed a smile. "... I hope your 'better than usual' lasts."

[prodigitalson]

"It should be easy to know what to feel," he said evenly. "As little as possible. That's the best answer."

And yet...

It probably helped that Terra was someone he barely knew. Keith had only discussed philosophical matters with her--never really anything about himself. She was safe. So he ventured a little more: "That's what I was taught. I have every reason to believe it."

But for once, he wasn't sure if he should.

[speedofnaked]

"I... wasn't taught anything." At least, nothing that she could remember, but she doubted that her years with the Empire held any lessons on basic humanity. There wasn't any point in teaching something that wasn't meant to think for itself. "Feelings, morals, making the right decisions... it's all new to me."

It had only gotten more difficult here, where she wasn't on the run, wasn't some central piece to a conflict she could barely comprehend. Of course, Keith couldn't know something like that. "Amnesia," she added by way of explanation. "But... being able to feel, and knowing what it is... isn't that what it means to be human?"

[prodigitalson]

"I see," Keith said, in response to her explanation. He wasn't sure what to make of it--he'd thought he had amnesia (albeit deliberately induced amnesia) until he found out that he'd spent the first fourteen years of his life in a tank. But for now, he took her at her word. "It's probably difficult for you." Apparently he was good at understatements today.

Her next question struck home. Was that what it meant to be human, after all? Maybe she was right--

--and maybe, just maybe, that wasn't such a bad thing. He opened his mouth to tentatively acknowledge this...

...and then stopped.

The Spark faded, leaving his usual human soul, all curled up and shut in on itself, in its place.

He stiffened, suddenly acutely aware that he'd allowed someone to violate his self-imposed isolation, suddenly hating himself all the more for it. "Yes," he said, his voice suddenly ten degrees colder (at the very least). "That's what we must suppress. Learn it while you can. Only monsters give in to their feelings."

[speedofnaked]

Terra couldn't stop herself from flinching away from Keith - both at his tone, and his words. Monster... was that really what she was? She still remembered the startled looks of her friends in Narshe when her Esper form first manifested itself, and the fear with which Zelgadis had stared at her when he fought her like that. She was neither beast nor human, caught between the two...

But which was more dangerous? The power she held as a monster, or the abuses of her power committed by the people who once controlled her?

"I... I was more of a monster..." she started, hesitant; her voice was quiet, and she could not meet his eye. "... When I couldn't feel at all."

[prodigitalson]

It was easy to notice her flinch, and easier still to be pleased at it--no, if he were to be honest with himself (although he rarely was), he was relieved by it. He was alone again; that was how it was supposed to be.

But her words caught him off guard. He stared at her. Finally, he said, "You said it yourself. You know nothing. You can't make such a judgment. Until you've experienced human feelings and seen the destruction they wreak--"

He stood up. "Then you'll wish you could return to feeling nothing."

[speedofnaked]

Terra kept her head down, but she couldn't accept what he was saying. Couldn't. To think that living under the control of the slave crown was the sort of existence that a human was to aspire to? That human emotions, that caring and hope and love, that things such as that could be destructive, that such things were worse than the blank unfeeling void that she knew had been her life before awakening in Narshe... she couldn't accept something as cruel as that.

But he was right. She didn't know. She couldn't know. She was incapable of knowing for sure, as she was now. Until she experienced feelings for herself... how could she know what way was right?

But he was also wrong. And... she could prove it.

Terra's fingers hadn't left their idle play with the ring on her right hand, so the nervous gesture changed little between twisting the band back and forth and twisting the gem itself. She didn't brace herself for the effect of that magic, took no deep breaths and no steeled nerves. She just wanted to know.

"You're wrong, Keith Anyan." She too rose from the bench, though at her height it was hardly as impressive as his stance. It felt like her heart had suddenly swollen up with pounds of weight in her chest, heavy with new sensations she didn't understand. Trying to speak to him made her words catch in her throat; just standing near him made her knees feel weak.

When she finally looked up to meet his face, her cheeks were flushed pink and her hands shaking. "I would never wish for that."

[prodigitalson]

It wasn't surprising that Terra couldn't accept what Keith was saying. Her experiences had shaped her to be someone who yearned for love and humanity just as Keith's had shaped him to be someone who suppressed those same yearnings. But the longing was there in both of them. Keith just denied it.

He denied it well, though. As he looked down at Terra, his face was a cold mask of contempt and dismissal. He started to turn and leave her there--broken, he assumed, and unlikely to attempt to step past his barriers in the future--when something stopped him in his tracks.

Keith had no idea what it was. He just knew that it was a feeling that started at the base of his ribcage and fluttered upwards. It felt warm, in a more intimate way than whatever strange thing had possessed him for the past few days did. It felt...

...like he didn't want to walk away from Terra anymore. Ever.

He stared at her, mute, as he began to go pink in the face himself.

[speedofnaked]

The pinkness of his face just made her go pinker in turn, ducking her head to avoid the intensity of his stare. Now, more than once Terra had been struck by lightning, and set on fire, and a myriad of other sensations people would use as allegory for the suddenness of love. This was nothing like that, but she couldn't deny the sudden heat in her chest, the fluttering jittery nervousness that grew within her.

She wanted to be closer to him. She wanted him to say something, anything - to say her name, and to mean her, not the home he had left behind. Cupping her hands over her smiling cheeks, she wanted to know if the flush of his would feel as warm to the touch.

Even as she tried to hide herself from his gaze, from the newness of everything welling up inside her, she couldn't tear her eyes away from him, either. It wasn't just hypothetical anymore-her wants were no longer for the abstracts, but for something that actually existed.

And was standing right there. In front of her. Staring back at her.

Even if she couldn't decide whether to move forward or to run away, Terra was sure she'd never felt happier in her life.

... not that that said much, considering she didn't even have a full year's worth of memories and emotions to her name.