☠ eleven [translated from eldritch]
[ there's Eridan and Rose sitting together on a couch. Rose is dressed in her soccer team uniform and not looking very happy to be there. Eridan's disgruntled and pissy like always. in Rose's hands, there's a dry erase board and a large pile of markers. ]
Now, it's been brought to my attention that certain indiwiduals are throwin' around the names a the magnificent quadrants without knowing quite what they are. Some a you miserable sons a beaches [HE WENT THERE, EDDIE] don't ewen know what the quadrants are in the first fuckin' place, and my bein' the most romantically educated a the trolls around here means I got a certain responsibility in informin' the lot a you.
[Eridan sighs and makes some random stupid gesture with his hand for no particular reason, aiming for disaffected but landing on douche. as he usually does.]
I understand wantin' to emulate the fuckin' majestic nature of 'em in your own personal liwes and all, but I been seein' 'em used in manners that quite frankly don't make a god damn lick a sense, or just end up bein' offensiwe as fuckin' fuck. So me and my wolunteer here took the liberty a transcribin' ewerythin' anybody's ewer gonna need to know about their own personal romantic liwes.
[he smirks viciously into the camera.]
And we were ewen nice enough to go prowidin' examples.
[back to pomposity!]
So if you're in any sorta way thinkin' a usin' the quadrants, sit the fuck down and listen.
[ rose's face just..... flatlines even more than it already is. the epitome of ":|" ]
I believe being taken and held against your will isn't under the definition of "volunteer".
[Eridan shoots her a quick but nonetheless dirty look over his shoulder.]
Rose, be a fuckin' team player for once.
[a dramatic clearing of his throat.]
First off, we got the concupiscent quadrants. These are the ones jacked tight the fuck in to hate and pity, respectiwely, producin the sorta lowe most a you are familiar with. Kismesis is the other concupiscent quadrant, meanin' one that contributes actiwely to reproduction. All the quadrants are kinds a romance, the platonic two included, but these two are the ones that you're gonna be fillin' pails ower.
I'm not explainin' pails.
[GESTURING TOWARDS ROSE AND HER BEAUTIFUL PICTURE HERE]
That's the flushed quadrant, known back home as matespritship.
I probably don't got to offer examples a this type, but the Joker and this Batman or whatewer the fuck he's callin' himself seem to be pretty goddamn deep in dewotion towards each other and suchlike business. I wouldn't know for sure, since I don't got a personal affiliation with either of 'em, but they got chemistry from what I saw.
You got a fuckin' shit ton a people in this kinda relationship and if I got to explain what it is to you, you're probably too fuckin' stupid to be listenin' in on this anyway. Mowin' on.
[ rose is... holding up her picture and she looks like she's about to laugh because um... THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THIS. ]
Yes. Mowin' on.
God fuckin' -
[a simmering pause, at Rose's comment, but he so /princely/ takes a deep breath and flicks his cape behind him in a dramatic manner. yes, he is wearing the cape. ]
Next we got a more suitable quadrant, and my own personal faworite. Kismesis.
[GESTURE TO ROSE.
she dead eyes him so hard. ]
This particular quadrant is one I know some a you hawe got trouble wrappin' your thinkpans around. It shouldn't be, but it apparently is, so whatewer. This is the twin concupiscent quadrant to matespritship.
Kismesis is romantic hate. It's somebody you hate so fuckin' much you can't ewen think about 'em without hissin' and gettin' all pissed off and whatnot. You don't want 'em dead - you want 'em to suffer, and nobody else gets to make 'em suffer but you. They're yours, and god fuckin' help anybody messin' with 'em but you personally. Ewentually just humiliatin' 'em isn't gonna be enough, though, and this is the part most a the people I talked to about it don't seem to get - for some stupid reason, you're all raised up thinkin' that hate has got to be stayin' platonic. It doesn't. If it's strong and black and dark and terrible enough and other such poetic shit, you're gonna lapse into romantic hate.
Such examples a this particular one are Ed and Norm, who ewerybody knows are waxin' the most bellicose shade a black for each other. Ed might be black flirtin' with ewerybody who ewer talks to him, yeah, and he's got somethin' with Bond, but he and Norm are just fan fuckin' tastic at this shit.
[ rose holds up the dry erase board after scribbling furiously on it and looks content ]
Yes, I believe even the the Internet masses are quite aware of this relationship. Hopefully in everyone's search for a kismesis, you can take after their example.
Now we are mowin' on to the conciliatory quadrants, meanin' the platonic ones. You got one based in pity and one in hate, just like the concupiscent ones, but these are based in facilitatin' the biologistics rather than bein' a part of 'em. They're still pretty fuckin' important, though.
[ rose finishes quickly and holds up her dry erase board again. why is she even doing this. ]
This is the pale quadrant, moirallegiance. Based in pity, a course.It's two indiwiduals - one calmer, one pretty upright homicidal - workin' together to keep the orphanin' one from doin' what they do best. Or the STRONG one from bein' STRONG when they don't got or need to. You can be "friends", I guess, but the important part is assistin' in the wilder one stayin' in control of their own personal selwes. Two positiwe trolls can't be moirails 'cos they don't need any moirailin', and two negatiwe ones aren't gonna be possessin' a the patience necessary for calmin' each other down and such.
Accordin' to Nep, this Xavier and Lehnsherr couple are prime examples a moirallegiance. I would of used my goddamn amazin' moirallegiance with Ed, but he's already been showcasin' one a the quadrants. We don't need him gettin' an /ego/ or nothin'.
[ Rose looks bored at this point. so she's just... not saying anything. Eridan notices this, and glances over to her again. an irritated whine creeps into his voice. ]
Come on, Rose, at least fuckin’ act like you got any taste for showmanship. I know you’re just a regular dirtblood like the rest of ‘em, but people affiliated with me got to seem the type worthy of it.
[ she just. glowers at him. which is pretty intimidating what with the grimdarkness and all. ]
Shut up, Eridan.
[Eridan hisses something under his breath at her (it’s entirely inappropriate language to use towards a lady, because Eridan is forever a charmer) and moves on. he reaches out of camera, primly getting a drink from a water bottle before continuing.]
Lastly, we got our conciliatory quadrant based in hate.
[ this time, the picture takes her all of three seconds and it’s... awful.... ]
Auspisticeship.
Auspisticeship is one a the most complicated and easily understood a the quadrants, same as the sensitiwe functions a moirallegiance is. It's basically when a troll mediates for two other brinesuckers preparin' to dip down into kismesis, thereby negatin' any possible or legitimate kismeses they might already of been wrapped up in with what's probably a more diluted form a kismesis, normally called black infidelity. The grub slurry doesn't need any sub-standard caliginous genetic material producin' sub-standard grubs; that'd be fuckin' unconscionable.
I'm not explainin' any a that shit either, so don't fuckin' ask.
Genuine auspistices are pretty rare in the City, meanin' I had to default to my own personal one with Kan and Eq. There's not much personally to say regardin' it, other than that bloodsuckin' bitch better be fuckin' grateful I dug one up for us.
[in a finishing flourish:]
You got more sensitiwe details a the quadrants - fillin' two or more with the same troll, like Gam and myself, or fillin' one with a couple a different people, which is ridiculously fuckin' dewiant in the grand scheme a things - but I don't rightly feel like wastin' my time explainin' 'em to the lot a you when the intricacies are gonna be lost on most a you anyhow.
So you better be fuckin' grateful we wasted our time doin' such for your own respectiwe benefits. Right, Rose?
[ at this point, Rose looks bored out of her miiiiindd. she didn't even try with the picture. ]
Okay. Whatever. Can I go now? [ so much 8| ]
Yeah, sure. Whatewer.
[Eridan glances at the whiteboard, nose scrunched up in distaste.]
You fuckin’ suck at this. I’m embarrassed to be linked in any sorta which way towards these pictures.
[ she looks at her pictures and then over at him. ]
Next time you want to give an overdramatic speech to the Network with illustrations, feel free to grace everyone with the presence of your art skills. My art certainly can’t compare to the mindless scribbles of lopsided hearts.
[he snarls, briefly, but tries to replace it with an arrogant princely look. it doesn’t really work, he’s still totally pissed.]
I got a scribe for that sorta menial labor, thanks. She writes in a hideous shade a wannabe royalty and knows her rightful place in doin’ menial tasks for me.
Oh. I see.
....Well, consider this a notice of resignation.
[ and then she’s picking up the whiteboard and smacking him across the face with it before getting off the couch and walking off. Eridan, when recovered, manages to get up and grab a good bludgeoning lamp before stalking off after her and out of comm sight. ]
Now, it's been brought to my attention that certain indiwiduals are throwin' around the names a the magnificent quadrants without knowing quite what they are. Some a you miserable sons a beaches [HE WENT THERE, EDDIE] don't ewen know what the quadrants are in the first fuckin' place, and my bein' the most romantically educated a the trolls around here means I got a certain responsibility in informin' the lot a you.
[Eridan sighs and makes some random stupid gesture with his hand for no particular reason, aiming for disaffected but landing on douche. as he usually does.]
I understand wantin' to emulate the fuckin' majestic nature of 'em in your own personal liwes and all, but I been seein' 'em used in manners that quite frankly don't make a god damn lick a sense, or just end up bein' offensiwe as fuckin' fuck. So me and my wolunteer here took the liberty a transcribin' ewerythin' anybody's ewer gonna need to know about their own personal romantic liwes.
[he smirks viciously into the camera.]
And we were ewen nice enough to go prowidin' examples.
[back to pomposity!]
So if you're in any sorta way thinkin' a usin' the quadrants, sit the fuck down and listen.
[ rose's face just..... flatlines even more than it already is. the epitome of ":|" ]
I believe being taken and held against your will isn't under the definition of "volunteer".
[Eridan shoots her a quick but nonetheless dirty look over his shoulder.]
Rose, be a fuckin' team player for once.
[a dramatic clearing of his throat.]
First off, we got the concupiscent quadrants. These are the ones jacked tight the fuck in to hate and pity, respectiwely, producin the sorta lowe most a you are familiar with. Kismesis is the other concupiscent quadrant, meanin' one that contributes actiwely to reproduction. All the quadrants are kinds a romance, the platonic two included, but these two are the ones that you're gonna be fillin' pails ower.
I'm not explainin' pails.
[GESTURING TOWARDS ROSE AND HER BEAUTIFUL PICTURE HERE]
That's the flushed quadrant, known back home as matespritship.
I probably don't got to offer examples a this type, but the Joker and this Batman or whatewer the fuck he's callin' himself seem to be pretty goddamn deep in dewotion towards each other and suchlike business. I wouldn't know for sure, since I don't got a personal affiliation with either of 'em, but they got chemistry from what I saw.
You got a fuckin' shit ton a people in this kinda relationship and if I got to explain what it is to you, you're probably too fuckin' stupid to be listenin' in on this anyway. Mowin' on.
[ rose is... holding up her picture and she looks like she's about to laugh because um... THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THIS. ]
Yes. Mowin' on.
God fuckin' -
[a simmering pause, at Rose's comment, but he so /princely/ takes a deep breath and flicks his cape behind him in a dramatic manner. yes, he is wearing the cape. ]
Next we got a more suitable quadrant, and my own personal faworite. Kismesis.
[GESTURE TO ROSE.
she dead eyes him so hard. ]
This particular quadrant is one I know some a you hawe got trouble wrappin' your thinkpans around. It shouldn't be, but it apparently is, so whatewer. This is the twin concupiscent quadrant to matespritship.
Kismesis is romantic hate. It's somebody you hate so fuckin' much you can't ewen think about 'em without hissin' and gettin' all pissed off and whatnot. You don't want 'em dead - you want 'em to suffer, and nobody else gets to make 'em suffer but you. They're yours, and god fuckin' help anybody messin' with 'em but you personally. Ewentually just humiliatin' 'em isn't gonna be enough, though, and this is the part most a the people I talked to about it don't seem to get - for some stupid reason, you're all raised up thinkin' that hate has got to be stayin' platonic. It doesn't. If it's strong and black and dark and terrible enough and other such poetic shit, you're gonna lapse into romantic hate.
Such examples a this particular one are Ed and Norm, who ewerybody knows are waxin' the most bellicose shade a black for each other. Ed might be black flirtin' with ewerybody who ewer talks to him, yeah, and he's got somethin' with Bond, but he and Norm are just fan fuckin' tastic at this shit.
[ rose holds up the dry erase board after scribbling furiously on it and looks content ]
Yes, I believe even the the Internet masses are quite aware of this relationship. Hopefully in everyone's search for a kismesis, you can take after their example.
Now we are mowin' on to the conciliatory quadrants, meanin' the platonic ones. You got one based in pity and one in hate, just like the concupiscent ones, but these are based in facilitatin' the biologistics rather than bein' a part of 'em. They're still pretty fuckin' important, though.
[ rose finishes quickly and holds up her dry erase board again. why is she even doing this. ]
This is the pale quadrant, moirallegiance. Based in pity, a course.It's two indiwiduals - one calmer, one pretty upright homicidal - workin' together to keep the orphanin' one from doin' what they do best. Or the STRONG one from bein' STRONG when they don't got or need to. You can be "friends", I guess, but the important part is assistin' in the wilder one stayin' in control of their own personal selwes. Two positiwe trolls can't be moirails 'cos they don't need any moirailin', and two negatiwe ones aren't gonna be possessin' a the patience necessary for calmin' each other down and such.
Accordin' to Nep, this Xavier and Lehnsherr couple are prime examples a moirallegiance. I would of used my goddamn amazin' moirallegiance with Ed, but he's already been showcasin' one a the quadrants. We don't need him gettin' an /ego/ or nothin'.
[ Rose looks bored at this point. so she's just... not saying anything. Eridan notices this, and glances over to her again. an irritated whine creeps into his voice. ]
Come on, Rose, at least fuckin’ act like you got any taste for showmanship. I know you’re just a regular dirtblood like the rest of ‘em, but people affiliated with me got to seem the type worthy of it.
[ she just. glowers at him. which is pretty intimidating what with the grimdarkness and all. ]
Shut up, Eridan.
[Eridan hisses something under his breath at her (it’s entirely inappropriate language to use towards a lady, because Eridan is forever a charmer) and moves on. he reaches out of camera, primly getting a drink from a water bottle before continuing.]
Lastly, we got our conciliatory quadrant based in hate.
[ this time, the picture takes her all of three seconds and it’s... awful.... ]
Auspisticeship.
Auspisticeship is one a the most complicated and easily understood a the quadrants, same as the sensitiwe functions a moirallegiance is. It's basically when a troll mediates for two other brinesuckers preparin' to dip down into kismesis, thereby negatin' any possible or legitimate kismeses they might already of been wrapped up in with what's probably a more diluted form a kismesis, normally called black infidelity. The grub slurry doesn't need any sub-standard caliginous genetic material producin' sub-standard grubs; that'd be fuckin' unconscionable.
I'm not explainin' any a that shit either, so don't fuckin' ask.
Genuine auspistices are pretty rare in the City, meanin' I had to default to my own personal one with Kan and Eq. There's not much personally to say regardin' it, other than that bloodsuckin' bitch better be fuckin' grateful I dug one up for us.
[in a finishing flourish:]
You got more sensitiwe details a the quadrants - fillin' two or more with the same troll, like Gam and myself, or fillin' one with a couple a different people, which is ridiculously fuckin' dewiant in the grand scheme a things - but I don't rightly feel like wastin' my time explainin' 'em to the lot a you when the intricacies are gonna be lost on most a you anyhow.
So you better be fuckin' grateful we wasted our time doin' such for your own respectiwe benefits. Right, Rose?
[ at this point, Rose looks bored out of her miiiiindd. she didn't even try with the picture. ]
Okay. Whatever. Can I go now? [ so much 8| ]
Yeah, sure. Whatewer.
[Eridan glances at the whiteboard, nose scrunched up in distaste.]
You fuckin’ suck at this. I’m embarrassed to be linked in any sorta which way towards these pictures.
[ she looks at her pictures and then over at him. ]
Next time you want to give an overdramatic speech to the Network with illustrations, feel free to grace everyone with the presence of your art skills. My art certainly can’t compare to the mindless scribbles of lopsided hearts.
[he snarls, briefly, but tries to replace it with an arrogant princely look. it doesn’t really work, he’s still totally pissed.]
I got a scribe for that sorta menial labor, thanks. She writes in a hideous shade a wannabe royalty and knows her rightful place in doin’ menial tasks for me.
Oh. I see.
....Well, consider this a notice of resignation.
[ and then she’s picking up the whiteboard and smacking him across the face with it before getting off the couch and walking off. Eridan, when recovered, manages to get up and grab a good bludgeoning lamp before stalking off after her and out of comm sight. ]