[Whatever you're watching this morning, whether it be the news or cartoons, unscrambled cable porn channels--Tony Stark, we're looking at you--or educational documentaries, televangelists or infomercials... you're not watching it anymore. (Those of you who are lazy and get up late? You can catch it on CMM throughout the day as they re-run the
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Some? Some?
Tina here lost her copy of Action Comics #1 when that first Superdoofus got Imported--come over here, Tina; go on, say hello.
[A timid-looking woman somewhere in her forties peeks into the frame, raising her hand and whispering a quiet 'hello' before backing out of view again.]
Tina was distraught. Her retirement plans were shot! Now she's going to have to live in--in a cardboard box, or something, when she turns 65.
[Off-screen, and probably still Tina: "Yeah!"]
And my main man Dave there, he was the biggest collector of GL merch on the East Coast. You know how much stuff poofed out overnight? A lot, Mitch. A lot.
These people have watched their prized possessions, have watched these masterpieces of collections disappear. An entire life's work gone, overnight. Fortunes vanished into thin air. Wouldn't you be upset? It's theft. Wouldn't you want to punish those responsible?
This is the only way we can take the issues to the public. I gotta say my team finds it really funny that a superhero is lecturing us about war and violence.
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[ BEEP ] she actually had a copy of Action Comics #1? [ BEEP] me!
I think you have your distinctions mixed, sir. I'm not a Superhero, I'm a politician. I was a [ BEEEEP ] one, at best. Despite that, I understand how you're feeling. Believe me, I do, but declaring war on us doesn't make any solutions. Do you know what it's like as an import to show up with your entire life lost? To rebuild everything from the ground up? I do. It's not quite unlike what your people are feeling. I'm [ BEEEEEEEEP ] forty, and so I know what Tina's going through. We all have to make sacrifices in this world, and only when we work together can we actually come up with a solution. How is fighting in the streets and creating public destruction helping anyone?
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[BEEP] right she did.
And you don't understand. You guys come in here, all "pew pew" with your eye lasers and attacking the darkness and stuff, and it's okay if you don't have anything because when you do get it, nobody comes in and takes it all away again, two or three or five times. Even if you, like... go away, or get Exported, or whatever, then it's usually still here when you come back. And most of you guys don't know anything about each other's canons, so it's not like you're hurting as much as we are!
Plus, taking all that stuff away from us is ruining businesses and stuff. You're attacking the economy and threatening the stability of the, well, the economy, and the economy kinda sucks right now anyway so you're making it a lot worse, [BEEP].
[POINT.]
AND THAT MAKES ALL IMPORTS TERRORISTS.
[Smug. That probably netted him some more conservative support, right there.]
Besides, we are working together. Bet you never seen so many fandoms playing nice with each other in your life. As soon as we get rid of you guys, you'll go home, and we'll have friends and our stuff and our country back. That's how it helps.
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Further, when imports started coming in and out, and you guys figured out what would happen, why didn't you go ahead and sell it?
Because if her retirement was resting on a single issue, she wasn't a fan, she was a collector, and more interested in the money than having a masterpiece.
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[Finally, they disperse, and The Leader stands up again, rearranging his suit jacket before roaring:]
OBJECTION!
This man's words can't be trusted! We have sources who claim knowledge that he rigged the election!
[They fail to specify which one, of course, but that doesn't matter. Or may be intentional. Pick your poison.]
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I was in a lead-lined room without any electronics for the duration of the election due to my powers. I didn't talk to any ballot boxes before or after the election, so your allegations are pretty much short of impossible. Bringing this up makes you look like you have more interest in shock tactics and playing dress-up than it does actually having a point to bring across. I've been there, believe me. However, eventually we have to give up things like our fantasy worlds and grow up. Wouldn't it be better to put all this effort into making this world a better place?
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