feeling so defeated...and im feeling alone
well, jlei is here, i have finally decided that she's gonna take the title as my bestfriend she reads my mind, understands what i feel when i dont say it, we've been close for bout 3 years now and we agree on things yet we're so different...and best of yall my mother loves her. she doesnt love many ppl...nor does she get to know them. my mom loves jenna and kyle the most. speakin of kyle, he came over ....twice in one week, i feel loved really i do. jenna says im gonna marry him. if i dont marry chase or one of the 2 joshs that i love id def take kyle, hes awesome. beau bister thought me n him were goin out for the longest time and when i went to prom with jake long he was like y arent u with kyle?? kinda funny, my mom asked the same thing. even my grandmother thinks kyles great bc one morning it was raining and kyle came to my front door with an umbrella to bring me out to his truck to go to school, def the gentlemen like beau jones with his yes mam's and opening car doors , yet kyles a mess....but yeah the play went well....chase put on his lj and away message good luck tonyt katie, i thought that was really sweet of him! ralph and jp told me good luck as well. i dont want ralph to go to college, i want him to be here still. hes my free rent-a-date who brings me to parties and gets online when i get home to make sure im safe!
today pretty much sums up my confusion/ppl need to figure out what they want theme ive had going here. ...im just be blunt with this just bc i shouldnt really care of what ppl think when they read this ppl know im not bitchy and im not the yelling all the time type and this journal is how i vent ....the other nyt after jake came over he said he sstill loved me online when he went back home and that him and bw were nothing....i wasnt ovverjoyed to hear that bc if i were bw id feel like crap ..like i felt for ali but i mean it was nice to hear on my part i guess it was bc of knowin he "still loves me" ...and i really thought he meant that bc he was like i dont want this to sound gay, which in that moment i think he did, y would he lie when it upsets him that i lie...then the next 2 days he didnt get online or call and when u love some1 i think you could call them or something even if calling them wasnt a daily routine. maybe he had better ppl to be with or he was busy with something...but he didnt call which worried me, jenna saw him on river road one morning so i was glad to know he was actually still living but yeah last nyt he talked to me online bout baseball and when he was leavin he just said im goin to bed goodnyt katie...no i love you or love ya or luv u or whichever mood ur in to spell the phrase so i was likke well that shows something...well from some1, i was told that bw cried at justines wwhen she found out jake was here ...and now he feels bad and tonyt he hangs out with her at tommys.....hmmm i guess he doesnt feel bad bout me being confused bc he doesnt confirm who he wants or me wondering if the whole i still love you thing was the truth....yeah it really makes me feel good. yet u think i would get used to jakes action of "playing" me for the 2nd time and be smart enough not to let it happen again yet i just let myself fall into things. wonder if he "still loves me so much" maybe i should ask bw she myt be the only one besides jake who has some idea on his feelings
...its not like i hate him, if i did i wouldnt feel anything when he does good and bad things its just that indifference thing
little kids asked for my autograph tonyt...it felt good 5 more performances! ...kinda wanna get it done lol then i dont wanna leave josh nuss n jessi, and watchin josh eichhorn dance and havin angela make sure i dont think bad bout disney characters lol ....by the way i think me n jenna have a thing for aladdin....but anyways ill miss it, but the the mornin after the last performance i have dance team camp at ULL so ill have something to do!
let me know that you hear me
let me know ur touch
let me know that you love me
let that be enough
today pretty much sums up my confusion/ppl need to figure out what they want theme ive had going here. ...im just be blunt with this just bc i shouldnt really care of what ppl think when they read this ppl know im not bitchy and im not the yelling all the time type and this journal is how i vent ....the other nyt after jake came over he said he sstill loved me online when he went back home and that him and bw were nothing....i wasnt ovverjoyed to hear that bc if i were bw id feel like crap ..like i felt for ali but i mean it was nice to hear on my part i guess it was bc of knowin he "still loves me" ...and i really thought he meant that bc he was like i dont want this to sound gay, which in that moment i think he did, y would he lie when it upsets him that i lie...then the next 2 days he didnt get online or call and when u love some1 i think you could call them or something even if calling them wasnt a daily routine. maybe he had better ppl to be with or he was busy with something...but he didnt call which worried me, jenna saw him on river road one morning so i was glad to know he was actually still living but yeah last nyt he talked to me online bout baseball and when he was leavin he just said im goin to bed goodnyt katie...no i love you or love ya or luv u or whichever mood ur in to spell the phrase so i was likke well that shows something...well from some1, i was told that bw cried at justines wwhen she found out jake was here ...and now he feels bad and tonyt he hangs out with her at tommys.....hmmm i guess he doesnt feel bad bout me being confused bc he doesnt confirm who he wants or me wondering if the whole i still love you thing was the truth....yeah it really makes me feel good. yet u think i would get used to jakes action of "playing" me for the 2nd time and be smart enough not to let it happen again yet i just let myself fall into things. wonder if he "still loves me so much" maybe i should ask bw she myt be the only one besides jake who has some idea on his feelings
...its not like i hate him, if i did i wouldnt feel anything when he does good and bad things its just that indifference thing
little kids asked for my autograph tonyt...it felt good 5 more performances! ...kinda wanna get it done lol then i dont wanna leave josh nuss n jessi, and watchin josh eichhorn dance and havin angela make sure i dont think bad bout disney characters lol ....by the way i think me n jenna have a thing for aladdin....but anyways ill miss it, but the the mornin after the last performance i have dance team camp at ULL so ill have something to do!
let me know that you hear me
let me know ur touch
let me know that you love me
let that be enough