eins befehl | audio.

[cantgetlaidin]

[At first there is mumbling in German as he attempts to dial a number on the phone. Agitated, he raises his voice.]

Is this thing even--!

[A brief pause. When he speaks again it's with a forced calm.]

Right. This morning I awoke in a strange house and there is some lunatic woman here claiming to be my wife. If this is some kind of elaborate

Comments

[Phone]

[undying_heroism]

. . .

Dude.

Take a chill pill.

Relax.

[cantgetlaidin]

Absolutely not! Is this your doing?

[undying_heroism]

Wish I could take cred--

Actually, no, my prank would've been much better.

Anyway, you'd better sit down for what I'm about to tell you.

You sitting down yet?

[cantgetlaidin]

Just tell me, Amerika. My patience is wearing thin.

[undying_heroism]

Alright, but don't blame me if you fall over!

Okay so you're trapped in AN ALTERNATIVE DIMENSIIIIION. And there's a ton of other people here too who are also trapped--some have been for years! There are people from all over and from different time periods! This place, by the way, is called Mayfield and it's totally like a dictatorship, dude. And this place is seriously so backwards it doesn't even have color TV! Think of my place during the 1950's except not.

Anyway, that wife you got? All fake stuff, but this places forces particular lifestyles on you. You need to be in 'families' with either people that are aware like we are or mindless ones called 'drones'. Unfortunately the house I got stuck in is full of drones, but they make good cookies.

Uhhhm.

Oh and don't drink milk.

[cantgetlaidin]

That is...

[Pause.]

...absolutely ludicrous. Alternate dimensions, time travel, colour television... Are you serious?

[undying_heroism]

Aw man don't tell me you're from a time before color TV, too.

[cantgetlaidin]

Apparently so.

[undying_heroism]

Anyway if my explanation seems so bogus why don't you try explaining this?

Go on, try. I'm listening.

[cantgetlaidin]

...I have barely just arrived. I have yet to gather reliable data.

[undying_heroism]

Then you have no choice but to use my data.

[cantgetlaidin]

I can choose to disregard it.

[undying_heroism]

Your loss, dude. My info-gathering skills are top-notch.

[cantgetlaidin]

I beg to differ.

[undying_heroism]

Aww, no need to beg.

Anyhow. What year are you from anyway?

[cantgetlaidin]

Dummkopf... It's 1942.