(no subject)

[canterburyburns]

wow i have just realized how much i have put my friends through. im so fcking selfish. why i can't just keep some thoughts to myself i will never understand.... but yeah i am going to delete my journal because i am tired of hurting my friends. and i am moving and i am getting the hell away from here so i shouldn't bother anyone anymore. im sorry for how badly i've fcked stuff up... and i hope that one day you will understand what it feels like to be in a crowd and yet be all alone.. to have one thought that captivates your brain and you can't do anything about it.. to find distractions along the way but be completely focused on d3ath.. yeah thats me. i can't help it. i can't save myself. i can't save you. but at lease i can say i tried..

here's some sh!t i wrote.. (the person i was referring to was thomas)

Doll

so am i just another entertainer
another mask without my fans
realizeing how fake i am
i want to be real, i want to be able to feel
but i realize what i am
just another souless doll

ill stand in front of people
ill start a bit of drama
but i will never ever find
someone who will understand me like you do

you are the only person i can connect with
and yet i threw you away
this thought brings me to tears
as i blindly welcome come what may
i know not how life treats me
is it bad or well?
i have someone who loves me
but i also live in hell

im here and yet invisible
you hear me but it isn't me at all
i am not myself to anyone
in fact im not even sure who i am anymore

i've lost myself in this game
the dr*gs have all worn off
its not the same
im ded inside
im ded inside
im ded inside
im just another faceless entertainer.

and everyone can see as plainly as they see the color of their skin
im falling down in flames and lonliness has set in
ive pushed away my lovers and I've pushed away my friends
im falling down in flames and lonliness is setting in

*as you can see i cannot even write anymore. i have lost the only "talent" i ever thought i possessed. sad, isn't it?