i got more love than anyone could ever handle
I went home this weekend. And it was wondrous and magnificent and beautiful and peaceful and all the other good -fuls that you can think of. My mom just kept getting mad at me because I can't seem to say nice things about Utah and I have a tendency to tell people that i don't like it there. But Seattle is my home. I have lived here, in the same house, for my entire life minus six weeks. I completely define myself by being a Seattleite, it's everything of me. My friends at BYU will tell you that i won't shut up about it. It's my parent's fault, not mine, for raising in my place that is more splendid than any other i have ever been to. I think that i could live anywhere else on this earth. I live in utah now. I spent my summers growing up in Idaho. I have been to oklahoma, texas, california, wyoming, montana, oregon, and on and on. But Seattle is where i belong. it's where i fit. Coming in on the plane and flying over the city and the Sound i felt so fulfilled, so full and refreshed. I breath in the rain and i feel whole. The trees make me want to cry. Even the freeways, despite the troublesome traffic, seem quieter and more friendly here. I was created to live in this city.
I love coming home to place that just feels so natural to me. In the dorms, at BYU, i am vaguely comfortable, but i can never relax. I am always so aware of where i am and what i am doing. I always have this feeling of things being so temporary and i hate it. But when i am at home, i can forget about everything. I can fall asleep on the couch, or wander aimlessly down the hall, even with my eyes closed. And sit and laugh with my family, and act like a dork and go days without wearing make-up or putting on real clothes. I can stuff my face and sit around staring out the window. I feel bad for those people that i know that don't like to go home. One of my friends simply can't fathom why i ever get so excited to go back, because he doesn't like his home, he feels no attachment to it. And he feels the same way about his life at BYU. I hurt for him because it seems he has no place in the world.
And it's so wonderful to see my family. They are amazing and I love them and even though we don't always get along in that traditional way all the time, we are so tight and the highlight of my life is getting to see them (i won't mention how incredibly depressed i was because jordan and mary missed their flight and weren't able to come). It was awesome to go to my church this morning and see all my mom and dad's friends, adults and people i've known forever and have watched me grow up, come up and give me hugs and just be so happy to see me. And they tell me how much i've grown and how pretty I look (which i don't take seriously but they are nice to say). Just to be around people who have known me forever and who i have a history with and even who in some non vain way i feel important to. I am very much a loner, very independent and quiet. I like to have this place where i have to make no effort to belong, that i just do and everyone accepts that and lets me be who i am. I love that I don't have to try here.
I would like to travel the world when i am older, there is so much that i want to see. But no matter what, i can always fall asleep at night knowing that i have a place to come back to. If you see me in Europe someday walking around smiling, it's probably because i am having the time of my life, and knowing that when it ends, i can return to my home with incredible memories and feel more wonderful than ever. I will be able to walk into Bigfoot Bagels and have my friend in the tattoos inquire where i've been because he hasn't seen me around in a while. And then fall asleep to the sound of rain gently fall on the skylight and know that when i wakeup in the morning, that i will be at home.
I love coming home to place that just feels so natural to me. In the dorms, at BYU, i am vaguely comfortable, but i can never relax. I am always so aware of where i am and what i am doing. I always have this feeling of things being so temporary and i hate it. But when i am at home, i can forget about everything. I can fall asleep on the couch, or wander aimlessly down the hall, even with my eyes closed. And sit and laugh with my family, and act like a dork and go days without wearing make-up or putting on real clothes. I can stuff my face and sit around staring out the window. I feel bad for those people that i know that don't like to go home. One of my friends simply can't fathom why i ever get so excited to go back, because he doesn't like his home, he feels no attachment to it. And he feels the same way about his life at BYU. I hurt for him because it seems he has no place in the world.
And it's so wonderful to see my family. They are amazing and I love them and even though we don't always get along in that traditional way all the time, we are so tight and the highlight of my life is getting to see them (i won't mention how incredibly depressed i was because jordan and mary missed their flight and weren't able to come). It was awesome to go to my church this morning and see all my mom and dad's friends, adults and people i've known forever and have watched me grow up, come up and give me hugs and just be so happy to see me. And they tell me how much i've grown and how pretty I look (which i don't take seriously but they are nice to say). Just to be around people who have known me forever and who i have a history with and even who in some non vain way i feel important to. I am very much a loner, very independent and quiet. I like to have this place where i have to make no effort to belong, that i just do and everyone accepts that and lets me be who i am. I love that I don't have to try here.
I would like to travel the world when i am older, there is so much that i want to see. But no matter what, i can always fall asleep at night knowing that i have a place to come back to. If you see me in Europe someday walking around smiling, it's probably because i am having the time of my life, and knowing that when it ends, i can return to my home with incredible memories and feel more wonderful than ever. I will be able to walk into Bigfoot Bagels and have my friend in the tattoos inquire where i've been because he hasn't seen me around in a while. And then fall asleep to the sound of rain gently fall on the skylight and know that when i wakeup in the morning, that i will be at home.