i lost myself inside someone else [i couldn't see the lines between her and me]
I didn't sleep. Well, at least, not well. Every time I twisted in discontent sleep, the bandage would pull harder at my skin and there would be a dull ache that was quickly turning into a sharp pain as the medication wore off. There were times throughout the night that I was waking myself up with each uncomfortable movement
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"I know. I think I just need time for it to all register, you know? I mean, we're talking Wallace, Alicia and Darrel here. It's not like my dad's marrying Dick's mom or something." Now that's a horrifying thought. If only because it would make me related to Dick Casablancas. And now I need to scrub that thought from my brain. "This is a good thing..." Though I can't help but think for a moment that the universe has twisted that wish I once had to be related to my best friend. I had meant Lilly. But the fact that I'm even with Logan proves that the world works in weird and unexpected ways.
"How are you holding up? And I don't mean physically before you even try and insist you're fine... there's been a lot going on, and I know you, Logan. Even when we fought, you were probably the happiest I've ever seen you in that apartment in Virgina Beach." I pointed out softly. It was like nothing from back home could touch us there. None of it mattered. I wouldn't blame him at all for worrying about what was waiting for us back in Neptune.
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"Okay, I know I'm on pain management medication, but I'm not quite medicated enough for you to mention your dad hooking up with Betina Casablancas," I replied wryly to her. Unless she was actually referring to Kendall, in which that could become a really awkward family conversation. "But, yeah, it's a good thing," I nodded to her, running my fingers lightly through her hair.
I'm fucking exhausted, but I don't want to tell her that since we're actually talking and we don't talk like this too often. Of course, a step up - us actually talking about us - would be a miracle and I doubt that either of us really have wanted to do that since she broke up with me last summer.
And then she asks how I am. I sigh, let go and lean back against the pillows. I hate the shift my body takes to move because everything has this dull ache that's hard to ignore. Correction: It's Veronica; she doesn't ask me how I feel, she tells me. It worse that she's right. That I was so entirely happy to be away from home - from Neptune - and now that I'm back, now that I'm myself again, it bites.
I look over to her. "I'm going to be fine," I told her. And eventually, I would be.
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"And here I was more bothered by the idea of being related in any way to Dick than anything else." I state at his reply. "We couldn't have gone more different ways on that if we'd tried." I add softly, enjoying the feel of his fingers running through my hair.
I was starting to weigh the idea of staying right where I was and dealing with the disapproving lectures in the morning or go back to bed with Trina. Really there was no part of me that wanted to move, but I was a little worried about making Logan more uncomfortable.
"Thanks to whatever magic my dad worked to make us not instantly land in jail the second we set foot in Balboa County..." I added to his saying everything would be fine. Though I wasn't sure even I believed that right now. Things were just weird, and upside down. As happy as I was to have my dad back, and as much as I missed him, there was this part of me that wasn't really willing to let go of that other life.
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I paused on her next words and gave a sort of nod. "See, I'd rather be related to Dick than my own relatives, but honestly it's a step up," I told her. Dick would be like a step down for her which honestly meant that being related to my family was like a leap.
She looked thoughtful and I was right there with her. I was like watching myself from afar leaving this life I had in Virginia Beach with Veronica to whatever was waiting for us back in Neptune. I didn't want that. I didn't want to return. I didn't want whatever my sister wanted out of a family suddenly and I didn't see the potential in returning to that god awful town.
Thanks to whatever magic her dad worked out to make us not instantly land in jail, thanks to not dying from a gunshot wound. Thanks to a lot of shit, but I wasn't thinking about that for being fine. "Yeah," I agreed despite myself.
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"Yeah, I can get that." I agreed softly, "And I know he's your friend and all, so for you that might be good, like Wallace being my step brother will be for me... but Dick and I? I don't think we're ever going to be pals."
"I'm feeling weird about going back, too, Logan." I told him quietly. I knew it wasn't the same because he didn't have anything to come back to the way I did. Except for me... but he had me in Virgina Beach. "But at least were in this together, right?"
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"Considering how my sum of friends have gone down with that whole my father is a murderer thing and even more with dating my best friend's ex thing, Dick is ranking kinda high there with all the competition," I replied wryly. "But, yeah, I don't expect you two to be exchanging friendship bracelets and having fun all you can eat ice cream nights while he braids your hair."
I glanced over to her as she commented about feeling weird going back and I saw in that same instance the look in her eyes that knew that it wasn't the same for her as it was for me. I forced a small smile onto my face and nodded to her, tugging her close to kiss her forehead.
"I think I should stay with you and your dad," I told her softly. What could it hurt?
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