death and rebirth are things that will never be new.

[logan_echolls]

I had to admit that this black hair thing probably wasn't half as bad as I had made it out to be. I guess Veronica more or less surprised me with it. I had a hard enough time getting used to the fact that she now had black hair let alone my own hair, but I sort of felt relieved in a way with it. Like the hair color was a cover or a flush of who we

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[__keithmars__]

I'm not quite sure that I knew the extent of worrying a parent could do for their child until yesterday. Until yesterday when I found out that Veronica had gone missing, soon after finding her car smashed in. You know, at first the worry had been more or less about her safety, but after finding out that she ran off with her boyfriend, who she happened to break laws with getting out of jail, that worry turned into both safety and sanity.

No, of course, that wasn't the kicker. I thought it was brilliant how she lied about knowing the involvement of the Fighting Fitzpatricks. That really took the cake.

I was down at the Sheriff's department when my cell phone began to ring. I glanced towards the display as it read Unknown Name, Unknown Number and I knew - I just knew - that Veronica was on the other end of that phone. She had taken all the untraceable phones.

Opening the cell, I shut my eyes tightly, "Hello?" I took a hard breath inwards (relief or tension, I don't know) as she gave me a Hi, Dad that seemed so intense and tiny at the same moment.

"Keith, if that's your daughter, we're gonna have to talk to her," Lamb reminded me.

"It's just my girlfriend, Alicia," I told him as he looked at me in disbelief, "I'm going to take this one outside."

Heading out of the building, I walked around the corner trying to wrap my mind around everything that had happened. I heaved another breath. "For God's Sakes, Veronica, what were you thinking? Do you know how worried I've been? Where the hell are you?"

[renewedsoul_v]

I dropped down heavily on the bed as I heard Lamb in the background, and then my dad attempt to convince the not-quite-that-clueless (not quite, but definitely close) sheriff that it was Mrs. Fennel and not me on the phone before he headed outside.

"Okay, I'm gonna go through those in order: I was thinking, between the condition of my car and the note I found on it that leaving was a better plan than waiting around to end up in the hospital or worse, and that leaving Logan to end up on death row for something he didn't do when I was leaving anyway was really stupid. And yes, I know you've been worried sick, but you should know I wasn't going to call until tonight anyway. Otherwise you probably would have made some sort of attempt to find us, bring us home. I didn't mean to scare you, I just... what would you have done if I'd told you what I was planning?" I asked, even though we both knew the answer. Done everything he possibly could've to talk me out of it, keep me there.

"As for where I am? You know I'm not going to tell you that, Dad. It's safer for all of us if you don't know." I said, sighing softly.

"We're safe, okay? We're fine. Doing absolutely everything we can to make sure we're not leaving a trail. Everything you ever taught me about not being found." I assured him, tears catching in my throat a bit as I spoke. Without meaning to I'd done exactly what Mom had done to him... taken off without a word. But at least I called. I couldn't just completely disappear. Not from him. Not from the one person who was always there for me... even when I didn't necessarily listen to him.

"I'm sorry, Daddy." I whispered. My voice seemed tiny and child-like in my own ears. "We'll come home as soon as it's safe, I promise." I took a breath. "I love you so much." And not just because without him I wouldn't have the slightest clue what I was doing right now, and would probably have messed things up to the point of no return before we even got out of California. There were two people in my life I wouldn't know what to do without right now. One's in this room with me, and the other's on the other end of this phone.

"If you see Wallace, tell him I'm sorry..." I added quietly. He was probably about ready to rip my head off for just disappearing on him so soon after he got back. It's not like it was intentional or anything. If I had a choice, a real one, Logan and I would still be in Neptune.

[__keithmars__]

I'm scared to death for her - and I know she's a smart girl, too smart for her own good, but I can't help being so angry with her just for going away like that. The sound of her voice gets to me. Veronica gets to me and I have to fight this feeling of being alone. It's different from her being overnight somewhere else to her being on the run - on the run with a... She's on the run with Logan and it kills me because I know that we could just prove this innocence and she wouldn't have to be on the run like this.

She doesn't give me any information like she knows not to even though I hate suddenly that I've taught her everything. I can feel her voice vibrating a bit with coming tears.

"I want you to come home, Veronica," I say quietly, under a whisper, even though I know she'll refuse. Even though I know it hurts for me to even ask her. I know she needs to be out there because it's safer than being here. I know that, but it doesn't stop me from saying the words.

I choke up a bit myself, my voice breaking mid-sentence, "I know that you can't. Okay. I know that you can't, but it doesn't stop me from want it. I can't believe that you're safe, but I'm going to believe that you're safer. Look, Lamb doesn't believe me, but he thinks you two are heading down to Mexico that's what Leo D'Amato told him. He was caught pretty quickly, honey. So, just... don't go down there."

My voice broke again, I could feel tears building thickly in my throat. "Be careful, honey. You're going to be grounded when you get back home and I swear to God if Logan Echolls hurts you I'll kill him," I told her rationally or otherwise.

[renewedsoul_v]

"I know you do, Daddy." I reply softly, my voice still sounding far too child-like and shaky. I wanted so much for to be a problem that could be fixed like the ones I had when I was little. Nice and easy, curling up in Dad's lap and talking it out, and it'd be over. Everything instantly less stressful, less scary, just 'cause he was there to fix it. Yeah, I'd give the rest of my Berkeley money for that. "I'd rather be home, too, for the record...but like you said, we can't." I was doing so well at being the calm one out of Logan and I. The one that was completely sure everything was going to be fine. Then I hear my dad's voice and the cracks start to show. I was fighting so hard to keep from crying right now. It wasn't exactly working, but I was trying.

"Mexico's too close, too obvious. I told you that man doesn't actually know how to investigate anything." I said, why else would he have arrested Logan yesterday? "Mexico was never the plan." I didn't bother mentioning to my dad we didn't really have enough prep time for fake passports, but I was sure once he calmed down he'd realise that and know we were still in the country somewhere. Lucky for us it's a big country with about a zillion little towns we could have chosen at random.

"You know I'm being completely careful, Dad. And I know. He's not gonna hurt me though. That's one thing you don't have to worry about." I insisted gently.

"Daddy, as much as I want to stay on the phone, I should probably go. Besides, the longer you're gone the less Lamb's going to believe that you're talking to Wallace's mom." I pointed out. "I'll try to call once we get kind of settled okay? See how things are there?" I suggested. As much as we probably should stay completely out of contact, how else are we supposed to know when it's safe to come home otherwise? "You be careful, too, okay? I love you." I told him again.

[logan_echolls]

I'm sure talking to her dad wasn't in any way easy. Veronica was trying but she hadn't been able to hide the tears that have been building up in her eyes since she started to dial home. She shuts the disposable phone and lets it flop over onto the bed, beside her thigh. Despite how ready and able she seems to be able to do these things, I'm pretty sure that her dad is the one person who can really get to her like this. Because she wants to badly to be there with him.

"Hey," I started, swallowing back and sliding next to her to put a hand on her back too carefully before being sure about the action. "Are you okay? Is he... okay?"

What I caught of the conversation was everything I expected from a worried father, including probably a death threat if I ever hurt Veronica.

It killed her to hang up the phone. Anyone could see that. I just didn't know how to make things be okay for her. I wasn't going to believe her if she just shoved off my arm and told me that she was okay in pure Veronica fashion. This beyond sucked in it wasn't going to kill to admit it.

[renewedsoul_v]

"He's angry, he's scared...terrified. Wants me to come home but knows I won't. I'm betting my car had him understandably freaked out before he even figured out I was gone." I said quietly, resting my head on his shoulder. I didn't have the energy to tell him I was okay right now. I wasn't. What good would it do to deny that right now? Where was I going to go to hide it?

"On the bright side, Lamb continues to be the half-wit I give him credit for being. Figured out Leo helped us... Anyway, Leo told him we were heading for Mexico, and Lamb apparently didn't even think to question it, 'cause Dad says that's where he thinks we are." And knowing Lamb it'd be a month before he thought to even think about the possibility that we might be somewhere else.

"I hate that I just left him like that..." I whispered, closing my eyes for a moment, a couple of tears finally falling. Like I said, I couldn't exactly tell him what I was planning on, but even with everything, it still made me feel pretty much like crap. "I mean, at least I've got you. He's pretty much all alone now..." At least when Mom left he had me.

"Oh, and just as a warning, I don't think I'm allowed to even leave my room for a while when I go home. Probably a combination of breaking you out of jail, going on the run and totally neglecting to mention the Fighting Fitzpatricks at all...so I guess I can't really blame him." I added quietly.

[logan_echolls]

I shifted my arm a little tighter around Veronica as she rested her head against my shoulder, the brush of her newly inky locks against my neck. I ran my fingers through her hair and pressed my lips tightly together as a few tears slipped down her cheeks. Though I could hear the tears thick in her voice, I only noticed the darker color appearing on my shirt - water stains.

"Well, it's good that Lamb's going in the wrong place at least," I said. Right, that was helpful. It's barely a comfort for her when her dad is - just as she said - alone.

"He'll be okay," I try to reassure her. "As being once a welcomed guest in your house. He sort of takes care of more than just himself, so... yeah, he'll be okay." If I knew any thing better to say I would say it now, but comfort is apparently a myth. Besides, my memories of Keith Mars consist of him either threatening to kick my ass, forcing me out of their apartment or generally just the happy go lucky dad that Veronica knew and loved. He loved his daughter more than I saw any father adore their kids and that was pretty extraordinary.

"Think I'll be welcomed with open arms when we go back?" I tried to joke lightly towards her, kissing her forehead.

[renewedsoul_v]

Logan pulls his arm around me, holding me closer as he ran his fingers though my hair gently, and I relax just slightly. Such simple actions, but he knew they'd make me feel better. Even if it was only a tiny bit right now. He was there for me, worried about me, loving me. Wasn't that's what's important? Not how effective or not the actions were?

"Thought so somehow. One less thing to worry about." I added. It was pretty much great news, all things considered, but I couldn't help but worry about my dad. I mean, he wasn't even with Mrs. Fennel anymore, so outside of me, he's got Backup. And as much as I adore my dog? That so wasn't fair to my dad.

"He's going to end up spending every waking moment figuring out how to make it okay for us to go home." I pointed out quietly. "That's not exactly taking care of himself." Between his actual cases and helping us? He was going to be worse than I was last year with Lilly's case. "Let's face it, me being nearly three thousand miles away from him? I'm gonna worry about him and he's gonna worry about me. This is why the ideal college plan became Berkeley. It was no where near Neptune, but it was close enough that if I needed to get home in a hurry, I could. A seven hour drive is nothing by plane. And either way? I'd rather be five hundred miles away than six times that at some Ivy league school given the choice." I knew that probably sounded a little weird to Logan, since he was never that close to his parents, but it was important to me. Especially given how easily my dad's job could be risky. There was a reason he didn't want me involved.

"Um...he probably won't completely hate you assuming I'm in one piece. But if I'm already being told I'm grounded? It's somehow doubtful that it'll be a right away type thing." I said, a weak smile as he kissed my forehead. "He'll be glad you took care of me, though, that I wasn't alone for however long we're gone so that might score you some points." I told him.

[logan_echolls]

I shut my eyes for a moment, feeling her relax just slightly against me as she told me the things that she both worried about and no longer needed to worry about. I knew she was going to worry about her father. Again, the actually loving family was a myth to me, but Veronica and her father seemed to prove me wrong every single time. It did exist.

Lamb not following us should seem like better news, but right now it doesn't even seem to matter. I worried about Veronica and Veronica worried about her dad. If I assumed her dad worried about me it'd be a vicious cycle, except I'm sure he wonders how I'm treating her. They didn't even really discussed why we were out here now.

"Well, how about when we go home and graduate you still go to Berkeley and he can worry about you there?" I offered lightly to her as I tugged us back to lay down on the bed more comfortably.

I wanted to say I'm sorry, I wanted to say Thank you and I wanted to say I love you, but none of the words would slip from my mouth. I hated to see her so upset with something that I pretty much was the cause of. When I'm so unsure of everything I don't see how I can convince her to be sure of things.

[renewedsoul_v]

"At least he'll know where I am and probably call me so much I'll want to throw my cell phone in the Pacific just to get 5 minutes peace." I pointed out, smiling softly as we shifted so we were laying on the bed rather than half sitting up.

"I'll be okay, I promise. I just... it's hard, hearing him that upset." I said. "I'll be okay." I repeated, lifting my head slightly and placing a soft kiss on his cheek. "I've got you here, right? I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be right now. Dad knows I'm safer here than at home. He even said it." I told him, letting out a breath. I wondered if Logan knew how much his being here helped me. How much his just holding me right now was the best thing he could possibly do.

"Logan? You don't have to feel guilty about any of this, okay? I don't want you sitting there beating yourself up because you've somehow screwed up my life in some big way. You haven't. School, Berkeley? They're not going anywhere." I insisted gently.

[logan_echolls]

I realize that Veronica seriously believes that I'm in no way some guilty party, but the thing is that I kinda am. At the very least she had her life on hold for me. Really, who was the one you were investigating for? Where did that lead you, Veronica? Straight into the River Styx which is precisely why you have to be on the run too. Because of me they know who you are.

I seriously belief if anything happened to her it would be my fault at this point. I just don't tell her it.

Letting out a breath, I tried to laugh. "You really know how to intervene a pity party, don't you?" I asked her. I had my right to feel guilty no matter how much I assumed it was my fault and how much she assumed it wasn't. Even if guilty wasn't a feeling I wanted, I was going to feel it at this moment.

"You've got me here, V," I confirm. That's all that really needed to be discussed, wasn't it? She had me here and no matter what I felt it wasn't as if I wanted to/was going anywhere. I was here with her and I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else.

[renewedsoul_v]

"Okay, sorry, it's just - let's say for the sake of argument that the Fighting Fitzpatricks didn't threaten me. Let's just pretend that I'm perfectly fine and Lamb's only arrested you, that that's the only thing that's wrong." I told him gently. I knew he had a right to mope if he really wanted to, but he should at least know where I'm coming from.

"Now, imagine for a second just how fun school's going to be for me. They're probably all still entertaining themselves with their ridiculous theories as to why I didn't get the scholarship. That's point number one to make me miserable and not really wanting to be there right now. Point two would be how generally inescapable Duncan is during classes. Point three? With you not there keeping me sane I'm pretty much guaranteed a meltdown after three days, a week tops of that if I'm lucky, and said meltdown would probably result in some sort of fun trip to/detention from Principal Clemmons..." Apparently I've put far too much thought into this, but I seriously doubt that I'm exactly far off in my theory.

"I know you now think I'm completely insane and are probably wondering what the hell you ever saw in me, but I'd so much rather be here with you than in that school." I told him seriously. Besides, breaks were good sometimes, and I was already not wanting to be there thanks to Duncan related tensions and the fact that he's always there. "I can't stand the thought of you in that cell for something you didn't do. Let's face it, Logan, I probably would have come up with the plan to break you out either way. At least this way I have a valid excuse for being here with you." I pointed out, shifting just enough to kiss him softly on the lips this time.

"I know." I said, lacing my fingers with his. I know this whole pretending we're married thing was completely my idea, but feeling that ring on my finger? In a weird way it was a promise to each other that we were in this together no matter what.

[logan_echolls]

"How about for the sake of argument there shouldn't be any reason that you were in the same room with Neptune's first family of crime?" I countered. "That was my doing, pretty much. And what if I hadn't come in, Veronica? What if I actually... did what you told me to do and stuck around in the X-Terra while they more or less used your face as a tattoo drawing board?"

I exhaled and shook my head momentarily. "Something would have happened to you and it would have been my fault. C'mon, I pretty much guilted you into doing that research for me anyway."

"I don't know, school? They would have gotten over all that gossip and I'm pretty much that you've been through a lot more than that. With your head still pretty high," I said, moving a hand to cup her cheek. "And yeah, believe me, a million times over I'd rather you here with me than at school or, hell, staring at me from outside a jail cell but you can't seriously tell me that none of this is my fault. Maybe there are reasons all of these things are happening, but I don't want them to happen to you."

Veronica, listen to me. Just listen. I press my forehead against hers for a moment, shutting my eyes.

"If something happened to you it would have been my fault." I repeated, shaking my head towards her again because I just know she's going to protest. I leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips, whispering, "And I can't stand the thought of that. I can't stand something happening to you at all."