Right back to square one.

[logan_echolls]

If I had known that Veronica's reaction to me kissing her would be ravishing me right back, despite the fact that she had just broken up with Duncan, I quite possibly would have kissed her a lot sooner

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[logan_echolls]

Lianne Mars: Another Neptune wife, another Neptune mother. She fit the minimum requirement of having a dirty past that people knew, but never talked about. She had enough secrets and she definitely did things that screwed over Veronica for life. I grimaced at the sight of Veronica's tears.

"Hey," I said quietly, exhaling softly as I reached over to brush her tears away with the pad of my thumb. "I didn't...- I know that this brings up as many questions for you as it does for me. I just-"

I wonder if I could have dealt better with this if I had seen Lilly on the tape. I think I would have understood why my mom didn't turn in the tape. I think I would have gotten it over with and just hated him and continued to reassure that hatred. Even if it was a stranger, I would have tossed it away; but, no, it was Veronica's mother. I mean how screwed up could things really get.

I shouldn't have pushed because now Veronica was crying with the full belief that her mother never loved her. Ironically, it was something that I could almost find funny. The two people in the video were the two people who should have loved us but never could. Hell, my dad would love Trina, his adopted daughter, before me: his biological screw up of flesh and blood.

And we hated them too. Just for the stuff like this.

I shut my eyes and pressed my lips lightly against her forehead. "Forget I asked that stupid question, okay?" I asked her. "I mean, this... what ever it was... It was a long while ago. It doesn't matter now."

It felt like lies through my teeth. Something too easy to tell and learned. Definitely, learned. No, the more I thought back on it, the more I could see how much of him was in me. I'm sure the being jailed recently hadn't actually helped in my comparison. C'mon, dad. This is where they put accused murderers.

"God..." I whispered under my breath.

[renewedsoul_v]

"It's fine, Logan." I said softly, as he wiped away my tears. I knew he hadn't meant to upset me, but it wasn't really him that had did it anyway. It was mom. "I know why you asked. It's fine. I just - my mom's practically a stranger aside from shared genetics, you know?"

Even before she left it had been like that to a point. I was always closer with my dad. I loved the idea of what she was supposed to be, what I wanted her to be, more than I did the person she really was. The one she never let me see. At least I could trust my dad to tell me the truth, be honest with me, even if I didn't always like what I was hearing. That's more than I can say for my mom. She was pretty much the exact opposite. Avoiding my questions in some ridiculous attempt to have me think well of her? Funny how that kept failing.

I just wasn't equipped to make judgments on if Lianne Mars was in love with Aaron Echolls or not. And truthfully, the little girl inside doesn't want to believe it anyway. That part of me wishes she could believe her parents loved each other more than anything, no matter what. Unfortunately, that's not real life. Or even the Neptune ideal of what real life should be.

I closed my eyes as he kissed my forehead, trying to soothe me. I relaxed just slightly. "No, it matters, it just doesn't change how we feel about each other, right? The fact that we're together has absolutely nothing to do with them." I insisted gently.

There was no point in trying to act like we didn't know. I knew that much. The thing is, though, that I knew we didn't have to let our parents screw ups completely define us. We were more than just their children. We were our own people in control of our own lives. If we weren't, well, we all might as well give up because we're beyond doomed.

This whole thing wasn't exactly helping Logan believe he wasn't. The look on his face, in his eyes, was screaming that fact. I placed a gentle kiss on his lips, caressing his cheek softly for a moment. "You are not him, Logan. You're so much better than he could ever be." I insisted, and I knew it was true. Just the way he was handling everything that had happened the last few days alone proved that. I had problems believing he'd have willingly obliterated his friendship with Duncan if he was actually that much like his father. Or that he would have just bit his tongue when my father was on his tirade. The fact that he's holding up as well as he is proves that as much as there are similarities there, reactions and learned behaviour that do come from Aaron, Logan is more than capable of rising above that.

[logan_echolls]

The fact that we're together has absolutely nothing to do with them. No, it did. It meant something ran in the family or that we were just inevitable to pick up our parents mistakes. Which was exactly what we wanted to prove wrong most of all in this moment. She kisses me, touches my cheek with affection and I can still feel him burning - like this monster inside of me that wants to rip itself out.

It doesn't mean that I'm not capable, Veronica. I guess that's really one of those thinks people are always afraid of. They live their life in fear that they're going to become the one thing that they hate. They do everything to prevent it and then one day they turn around and realize that they've been that person all along.

Veronica and I were stuck in this huge shadow the over-loomed with possibilities. Yeah, this was the best secret ever.

Somehow her words telling me that I'm not him don't register at all, because I'm already feeling like I'm him. People don't fail to remind you that you're drawn from bad blood. People don't fail to remind you especially when you're in jail ever other week it seems.

She's trying to force those words through me though. Like if I feel them I'll believe it. I don't feel it. I'm failing miserably when trying to convince myself that I'm not going to grow up and be this bastard that everyone ends up both loving and hating. There were people who'd love him no matter what he did.

I pull from Veronica's hands and lips - I can feel myself just tugging myself away like I'm trying to say Go away while you can. I just nodded slightly to her and exhaled. Breathing was key and I felt like I couldn't function. Do you really believe that Veronica? You can truthfully tell me that I'm not going to be like my father and you're not going to be like your mother? She could. We'd probably just end up making out own mistakes. Worse than the last ones.