[thelyricalmuses] Apologize by One Republic
Title: He Had To
Song: "Apologize" by One republic
Character: Jack Shephard
Rating: PG - 13 language
Pairing(s): Um ... siiigh. References to Jate but it's not really.
Fandom(s): LOST
Author's Note: Spoilers like whoa. Angst too. Damn this song.
He wanted to do something other than stand there and wait. There was only so much a man could take and Jack had had enough. He’d been in isolation, wondering, worrying, and trying like hell to keep hope. Hope was something he barely allowed himself to believe because if you had hope you had something to loose. He was sure he’d already lost enough. He wasn’t broken yet, at least not in the way they wanted him to be. He was not their puppet and he refused to allow himself to fall into the trap of webs, tangles and manipulations.
He knew it, when he saw it with his own two eyes - eyes he wanted to burn out to rid himself of the image - that it was as much truth as it was a lie.
Sawyer and Kate.
He nearly laughed; it was a strange reaction to the cutting in his heart and even his psyche but still - he nearly laughed. Maybe he should have been more surprised or more outraged and maybe that was coming. He wasn’t sure, it could be a delayed response. It was the truth. Evidence he could not refute no matter how much it tore him up.
He’d been sitting in his cage, cell, whatever they wanted to call it when that voice sounded over the intercom that only worked when he was alone. Told him to try the door. So he did, he walked out of his prison and straight into another. Weapon in his hand, he’d turned to leave and looked up. It was obvious, he’d been set up. It was a lie but the lie no more made up for the truth than anything he could tell himself to justify what he’d seen.
The thing was. Jack Shephard knew when he was being manipulated.
I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
And conveniently Ben had been there, watching, expecting him to walk out that door and into that room and to see those TV’s. He nearly laughed again. Instead, he played into Ben’s hand, reacted exactly how Ben expected him to react. To lash out, to want to get as far away from that image - burned into his brain forever no matter how tightly he closed his eyes - as he possibly could. He might be predictable but not nearly as predictable as his captors. It should have been comforting to know that he was getting exactly what he wanted but the anger was too real and the sting too deep.
He stood there, the rhythm echoing in that poor excuse for an operating room with a poor excuse for a scrub nurse and assisting physician and he’d sliced into skin with the familiar weight of the scalpel in his hand. It was do or die time and her words echoed in his head.
”They’re going to kill Sawyer.”
And the emotion in her words hit him differently now and the look in her eyes when that wool sack had been pulled from her head just twisted the knife. He hadn’t imagined it, he knew that, he hadn’t imagined her eyes and her hand lifting to the glass but he had to pretend he had to get through the next hour.
He noticed a long time ago that if you are really quiet in the OR you can hear a scalpel slicing organs if you just listen hard enough.
No one but him was listening hard enough.
Ben’s life meant nothing to Jack. He wasn’t a murderer but you can only push someone so far before they have no choice but to rebel, to take control back. He could do this for her, he could even do it for them, and he could do it without an ounce of remorse or regret. Just an image behind his eyes and the knowledge that she remembered, his story and his fear, she remembered - and somehow that made it okay.
He hated waiting, but he’d do it - because he had to.
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground…
Word Count: 707
Song: "Apologize" by One republic
Character: Jack Shephard
Rating: PG - 13 language
Pairing(s): Um ... siiigh. References to Jate but it's not really.
Fandom(s): LOST
Author's Note: Spoilers like whoa. Angst too. Damn this song.
He wanted to do something other than stand there and wait. There was only so much a man could take and Jack had had enough. He’d been in isolation, wondering, worrying, and trying like hell to keep hope. Hope was something he barely allowed himself to believe because if you had hope you had something to loose. He was sure he’d already lost enough. He wasn’t broken yet, at least not in the way they wanted him to be. He was not their puppet and he refused to allow himself to fall into the trap of webs, tangles and manipulations.
He knew it, when he saw it with his own two eyes - eyes he wanted to burn out to rid himself of the image - that it was as much truth as it was a lie.
Sawyer and Kate.
He nearly laughed; it was a strange reaction to the cutting in his heart and even his psyche but still - he nearly laughed. Maybe he should have been more surprised or more outraged and maybe that was coming. He wasn’t sure, it could be a delayed response. It was the truth. Evidence he could not refute no matter how much it tore him up.
He’d been sitting in his cage, cell, whatever they wanted to call it when that voice sounded over the intercom that only worked when he was alone. Told him to try the door. So he did, he walked out of his prison and straight into another. Weapon in his hand, he’d turned to leave and looked up. It was obvious, he’d been set up. It was a lie but the lie no more made up for the truth than anything he could tell himself to justify what he’d seen.
The thing was. Jack Shephard knew when he was being manipulated.
I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
And conveniently Ben had been there, watching, expecting him to walk out that door and into that room and to see those TV’s. He nearly laughed again. Instead, he played into Ben’s hand, reacted exactly how Ben expected him to react. To lash out, to want to get as far away from that image - burned into his brain forever no matter how tightly he closed his eyes - as he possibly could. He might be predictable but not nearly as predictable as his captors. It should have been comforting to know that he was getting exactly what he wanted but the anger was too real and the sting too deep.
He stood there, the rhythm echoing in that poor excuse for an operating room with a poor excuse for a scrub nurse and assisting physician and he’d sliced into skin with the familiar weight of the scalpel in his hand. It was do or die time and her words echoed in his head.
”They’re going to kill Sawyer.”
And the emotion in her words hit him differently now and the look in her eyes when that wool sack had been pulled from her head just twisted the knife. He hadn’t imagined it, he knew that, he hadn’t imagined her eyes and her hand lifting to the glass but he had to pretend he had to get through the next hour.
He noticed a long time ago that if you are really quiet in the OR you can hear a scalpel slicing organs if you just listen hard enough.
No one but him was listening hard enough.
Ben’s life meant nothing to Jack. He wasn’t a murderer but you can only push someone so far before they have no choice but to rebel, to take control back. He could do this for her, he could even do it for them, and he could do it without an ounce of remorse or regret. Just an image behind his eyes and the knowledge that she remembered, his story and his fear, she remembered - and somehow that made it okay.
He hated waiting, but he’d do it - because he had to.
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground…
Word Count: 707