And all the roads we have to walk are winding, and all the lights that lead us there are blinding...

[cant_stand_me]

So I'm having a bittersweet moment now as I think about college. I just briefly talked to someone I used to go to grade school with, and all these crazy memories came flooding back. You know how you're 12 years old and think you know everything? How the poppiest song can seem like a heartfelt life story? How giggles, sleepovers, nail polish, and boys are all that matters in the world? How the biggest fight you've ever had with a friend revolved around scratching a cd and was quickly resolved over a game of life? Endless laughter and hallways you've walked since you were 4. Everything was familiar and comforting, even in times of insecurity. How makeout parties were a novelty, and you'd give anything to hold hands at the movies. How everyone tried so hard to grow up, but at the end all cried because they finally had? How you played MASH during class, and secretly hoped your life would turn out that way? Little boys had dirty magazines in their bags, and people would get pantsed in the closet on gym days, but it was still all so innocent. Rolling skirts was an artform, and recess was a time you looked forward to, even as you got older. Huddling by the heater with your crush and first kisses. Field trips to the zoo and big dumb boys taking your shoe. Laughing while sitting on the hill, eating ice cream after school. Sunshine was the highlight of your day, and it always seemed to rain during band practice. Carpool and your first PG-13 movie. Discoveries and treasure hunts. Pool parties and pinatas. Girl scout cookies and running around in the rain. Racing and freeze tag. Nickelodeon and sick days.

Everything was so different than it is now, people were so immature, but for some reason it was usually okay because they were still a little kid inside. We played Barbies for far too long, each of us blaming it on a younger sibling, none of us really wanting to grow up, none of us wanting to admit that. Before I knew it, it was all over and I was so convinced that I would never look back. Lately I've come to realize that in order to go forward, you have to look back. Growing up is never all fun and games, but going to college is so different than just going to high school. I'm not in the process of growing up, I'm grown. I have regrets, just like anyone else. I regret losing sight of who I was in eighth grade, I regret not standing up for myself enough in ninth, I regret not speaking out in tenth, I regret not trying hard enough in eleventh, but now...I only regret regretting anything. Things happen so fast that you barely have time to take them in, and now that I feel like I'm finally more or less an adult, I just want to take in everything I missed about my childhood. Everything I overlooked. Everything that brought me to this point.

I miss firsts. The way everything seems so new and unexpected, how everything is good. We grow up having so many firsts that we eventually stop counting. Well, I think I just might start again...

P.S. I love how one of Ringo's updates can just completely make my day. Alex, you know what I'm talking about!