She walks about Raitou unnoticed. With a very small build, and completely unremarkable black hair and eyes, she blended in perfectly anywhere she went. Even if someone saw her, no one noticed her; their eyes would just slide off like she was a mundane piece of scenery. Even when those dark contacts nearly blinded her and she bumped into people, a quiet apology and hurrying along the way made sure no one ever remembered her existence.
She returns home soon after that. She didn't have anywhere to go, really. She has no friends, no people to go see, and nothing to do... So she stands outside her front door, staring up at it. She has nothing to do, but she doesn't want to go in yet. Inside, her brother might be there, hanging out with his friends. They'll talk to her, and she doesn't want that. She's scared of them. She's scared of everyone, but her fear of her brother is much more. She hides it, pretending it's just the shyness she feels around everyone, but she can't deal with it for long.
She turns around and leaves once more. She has nowhere she belongs. Everyone frightens her, and she knows there's nothing good or likeable about her. The best she can hope for is to go unnoticed, so that no one will hate her. After all, it's better to be ignored than hated.
Her big competition is soon. She's too excited to think of anything else. She stays up at nigiht, stretching and practicing, and just imagining what it will be like to win. Her days, she spends sleeping through classes.
Boys have been talking to her more lately. She doesn't really care. Whether she is pretty or not (for her age, she is) had never concerned her. While other girls her age are looking into makeup and clothes, Arisu is out stretching and running. Even the boys can't keep up with her.
But practicing is getting harder lately. She knows why, of course. Her body is growing, and changing. It feels like every time she goes out and gets a bra, she's outgrown it by the next day. She binds down and continues practicing, noting with some irritation her center of gravity has shifted a bit. Now, she can't jump quite like she did before, and the flip she normally does ends up with her on the floor. She is taller, too, so reaching out for the next bar at the same time she did before ends up with her smacking her wrist.
So she practices. Diligently, constantly, obsessively, she practices. She has the skill, more than enough skill. After this, she'll move on to higher and higher competitions, until she's representing Japan in the Olympics. That has been her goal as long as she can remember. She'll be the world's best. So to make that happen, she has to get used to the changes in her body. Re-learn the precise timing, just how much force to use, just how high to jump or stretch.
And then, the day of the competition comes. Arisu doesn't know what happened. A minute ago, she was jumping from the pommel horse to the parallel bars, swinging her way up to the highest ones... Now all she feels is pain. Neither of her legs move. They're warm- No, they're burning, a horrible mass of pain. She dimly hears someone in the background talking about breaks. Multiple. Extensive recovery.
Her broken legs hurt, but that pain heals. The broken dream never does.
People fascinate her. She's all over the place, whenever she can, talking to whoever she runs into. She's already competent in two languages besides English, thanks to school lessons and this. She gets in trouble from time to time for skipping class to just go find interesting people. She doesn't mind, though. She accepts the trouble, but doesn't change, because meeting these people teaches her so much more.
Her father is sure she's going to be some kind of philanthropist, working with people and for people. He approves silently. Her mother thinks she's going to end up in some other country, so busy with all the people that she never finds that single person. She disapproves loudly. Haley rolls her eyes and puts on her headphones to tune her out. She wouldn't mind getting married someday, but that's not a big deal. And she already likes someone.
Sometimes, she sneaks out after dark and meets him in a park somewhere. They enjoy talking like this. They share their dreams with each other. He wants to be an artist. Something quiet, but invaluable. Haley laughs. Not at him, of course, but it's such a tiny dream, isn't it? She looks around, and lowers her voice, and tells him a secret. Her dream isn't what her parents think. She wants to work with people, true, but there's more to it than that.
She has a very black and white view of the world. And so she says it simply: She wants to be a policewoman. She'll protect the good people of the world, and make sure bad people can't do anything. What if it's more complicated than that? she was asked. She replied that it wasn't. Even if it looked like a big, complicated mess, even if there were extra circumstances, if you boil it down enough, there's what's right, and what isn't right. Shades of gray may exist, but everything still can be categorized as one of those. And she would protect what's right, and stop what isn't. She laughs a little even as she explains, thinking it sounds silly when she says it like that, and makes him promise not to tell.
She returns home soon after that. She didn't have anywhere to go, really. She has no friends, no people to go see, and nothing to do... So she stands outside her front door, staring up at it. She has nothing to do, but she doesn't want to go in yet. Inside, her brother might be there, hanging out with his friends. They'll talk to her, and she doesn't want that. She's scared of them. She's scared of everyone, but her fear of her brother is much more. She hides it, pretending it's just the shyness she feels around everyone, but she can't deal with it for long.
She turns around and leaves once more. She has nowhere she belongs. Everyone frightens her, and she knows there's nothing good or likeable about her. The best she can hope for is to go unnoticed, so that no one will hate her. After all, it's better to be ignored than hated.
Reply
Boys have been talking to her more lately. She doesn't really care. Whether she is pretty or not (for her age, she is) had never concerned her. While other girls her age are looking into makeup and clothes, Arisu is out stretching and running. Even the boys can't keep up with her.
But practicing is getting harder lately. She knows why, of course. Her body is growing, and changing. It feels like every time she goes out and gets a bra, she's outgrown it by the next day. She binds down and continues practicing, noting with some irritation her center of gravity has shifted a bit. Now, she can't jump quite like she did before, and the flip she normally does ends up with her on the floor. She is taller, too, so reaching out for the next bar at the same time she did before ends up with her smacking her wrist.
So she practices. Diligently, constantly, obsessively, she practices. She has the skill, more than enough skill. After this, she'll move on to higher and higher competitions, until she's representing Japan in the Olympics. That has been her goal as long as she can remember. She'll be the world's best. So to make that happen, she has to get used to the changes in her body. Re-learn the precise timing, just how much force to use, just how high to jump or stretch.
And then, the day of the competition comes. Arisu doesn't know what happened. A minute ago, she was jumping from the pommel horse to the parallel bars, swinging her way up to the highest ones... Now all she feels is pain. Neither of her legs move. They're warm- No, they're burning, a horrible mass of pain. She dimly hears someone in the background talking about breaks. Multiple. Extensive recovery.
Her broken legs hurt, but that pain heals. The broken dream never does.
Reply
Her father is sure she's going to be some kind of philanthropist, working with people and for people. He approves silently. Her mother thinks she's going to end up in some other country, so busy with all the people that she never finds that single person. She disapproves loudly. Haley rolls her eyes and puts on her headphones to tune her out. She wouldn't mind getting married someday, but that's not a big deal. And she already likes someone.
Sometimes, she sneaks out after dark and meets him in a park somewhere. They enjoy talking like this. They share their dreams with each other. He wants to be an artist. Something quiet, but invaluable. Haley laughs. Not at him, of course, but it's such a tiny dream, isn't it? She looks around, and lowers her voice, and tells him a secret. Her dream isn't what her parents think. She wants to work with people, true, but there's more to it than that.
She has a very black and white view of the world. And so she says it simply: She wants to be a policewoman. She'll protect the good people of the world, and make sure bad people can't do anything. What if it's more complicated than that? she was asked. She replied that it wasn't. Even if it looked like a big, complicated mess, even if there were extra circumstances, if you boil it down enough, there's what's right, and what isn't right. Shades of gray may exist, but everything still can be categorized as one of those. And she would protect what's right, and stop what isn't. She laughs a little even as she explains, thinking it sounds silly when she says it like that, and makes him promise not to tell.
She never once loses sight of that dream.
Reply
Leave a comment