The Angry Young Woman Inside
You know, secretly, I actually think I'm better than other people. I know I'm more intelligent than many, if not most. I'm more virtuous and self-controlled. I'm wise and caring.
So why is it that this "job" I have, this life I lead, does not reflect that? Why do I spend my time doing things that I am not the best at, no better at than anyone else? Since I'm more intelligent and capable, why does my job not require all that I have to offer?
You can say, I'm a good mother, and it's those very qualities that make me a good mother. BUT - you can be a very good mother without any outstanding intelligence. You can probably be a good mother without much virtue. (You can't be a good mother without self-control, wisdom and care.)
You could say I'm a good housekeeper, but you'd be lying! There are millions of women out there who are far, far better at keeping a pleasant, welcoming, organised home than I am. The angry young woman rails against the endless drudgery of dishes and laundry. I would be a better house-keeper if my angry young woman didn't keep sabotaging my efforts as a form of protest.
I am a good singer. There, as part of a good choir, I am now able to express my talents and myself, so that part of me is okay. But the rest is frustration.
You could say my life is one long holiday. Remember how bored you got towards the end of the school holidays?
I look at the people around me who are happy with their lot and my angry young woman screams "why not me?! is there something wrong with me?" I read blogs and columns and articles of mothers who are finding meaning within the walls of their home, who sense God's highest calling in the shaping and guiding of their children's souls, and my angry young woman says "excuse me? you're not listening to me! so you're happy, whatever. What about me!?"
She is angry at her husband for having made a wise choice of university study which means he earns more than she will be able to for years, meaning that him staying at home is not the sensible economic choice. That is to say, we could not survive on what I could earn right now!
She is angry at well-meaning friends who talk to the gentle woman on the outside so kindly and subtly tell the angry young woman that she doesn't really have any right to exist.
She is angry at God for making this be the way things are!
So why is it that this "job" I have, this life I lead, does not reflect that? Why do I spend my time doing things that I am not the best at, no better at than anyone else? Since I'm more intelligent and capable, why does my job not require all that I have to offer?
You can say, I'm a good mother, and it's those very qualities that make me a good mother. BUT - you can be a very good mother without any outstanding intelligence. You can probably be a good mother without much virtue. (You can't be a good mother without self-control, wisdom and care.)
You could say I'm a good housekeeper, but you'd be lying! There are millions of women out there who are far, far better at keeping a pleasant, welcoming, organised home than I am. The angry young woman rails against the endless drudgery of dishes and laundry. I would be a better house-keeper if my angry young woman didn't keep sabotaging my efforts as a form of protest.
I am a good singer. There, as part of a good choir, I am now able to express my talents and myself, so that part of me is okay. But the rest is frustration.
You could say my life is one long holiday. Remember how bored you got towards the end of the school holidays?
I look at the people around me who are happy with their lot and my angry young woman screams "why not me?! is there something wrong with me?" I read blogs and columns and articles of mothers who are finding meaning within the walls of their home, who sense God's highest calling in the shaping and guiding of their children's souls, and my angry young woman says "excuse me? you're not listening to me! so you're happy, whatever. What about me!?"
She is angry at her husband for having made a wise choice of university study which means he earns more than she will be able to for years, meaning that him staying at home is not the sensible economic choice. That is to say, we could not survive on what I could earn right now!
She is angry at well-meaning friends who talk to the gentle woman on the outside so kindly and subtly tell the angry young woman that she doesn't really have any right to exist.
She is angry at God for making this be the way things are!