As The Lights Come Up...
It's hard to believe it's been close to 7 months since I've written in here last.
I'm wondering if it's because I've been too busy, too lazy or maybe I just don't have anything worthwhile to say.
I'll go with the later. Even though a million things have been going on every day of the past 7 months I've never felt compelled enough to express myself through writing.
To catch you up to speed: my family & I still don't get along, alex & I still fight almost daily, & I still have horrible time management skills when it comes to doing my homework. Nothing really has changed all that much. Getting accepted to every college I applied to, Stage Managing the Fall Play, and having my last run on FCTV never seemed of that much importance. Nothing seemed that important this year.
That is until this past week. My last spring musical. The past 2.5 months have flown by so fast, I barely had time to catch my breath! I just can't believe that I only have two days left until I'm finished. I haven't cried yet at a performance which I think is a big accomplishment!
I know it seems awful silly of me but you don't understand. Musical has been my favorite part of high school. As much as I complained about it, I Ioved rehearsal & I would have been so bored without it. It's crazy how much you practice & give up other things to dedicate yourself for a measly two & a half hour show for 4 nights only.
In all honestly I'm not ready for tomorrow. I'm petrified. You see, the first 14 years of my life I sat in those seats of the auditorium during every performance. I loved the week of musical, it was always so exciting! I can't remember the last time I missed a Saturday All-Day Rehearsal! Suzannah, Naomi, & I would always come & sit backstage so by opening night we'd have every line memorized! 14 years of this ritual until I was a freshman. That was 4 musicals ago now. It sounds like so long ago, but it feels like yesterday. After 4 years of being up on that stage I find myself hesitant, no hesitant is too light of a word-- I find myself kicking in screaming inside, saying, "Don't take me back down!"
The best memories I've had in high school have been through musical.I've met my best friends because of musical. Fox Chapel Spring Musical Kids are the best kids in the world! I would rather be in room, surrounded by Musical Kids-The Choir Queers-, than be in room with Oprah and the entire cast of The Departed!
Once the curtain goes down Saturday night, I'm going to have to go back to those auditorium seats, but this time instead of spending a few years in anticipation of getting back up there, I'll be stuck watching all those wonderful faces light up a stage, forever. There will be no turning back.
I can't even begin to describe the jealousy that is filling up inside of me just now; imagining the articulations, the dancing, the laughter, the smiles.
This is going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do & I've never been so afraid in my life. It's hard to believe that I'm almost grown up. It's hard to believe that I'm ending another chapter in my book. But somehow, I am.
I'm wondering if it's because I've been too busy, too lazy or maybe I just don't have anything worthwhile to say.
I'll go with the later. Even though a million things have been going on every day of the past 7 months I've never felt compelled enough to express myself through writing.
To catch you up to speed: my family & I still don't get along, alex & I still fight almost daily, & I still have horrible time management skills when it comes to doing my homework. Nothing really has changed all that much. Getting accepted to every college I applied to, Stage Managing the Fall Play, and having my last run on FCTV never seemed of that much importance. Nothing seemed that important this year.
That is until this past week. My last spring musical. The past 2.5 months have flown by so fast, I barely had time to catch my breath! I just can't believe that I only have two days left until I'm finished. I haven't cried yet at a performance which I think is a big accomplishment!
I know it seems awful silly of me but you don't understand. Musical has been my favorite part of high school. As much as I complained about it, I Ioved rehearsal & I would have been so bored without it. It's crazy how much you practice & give up other things to dedicate yourself for a measly two & a half hour show for 4 nights only.
In all honestly I'm not ready for tomorrow. I'm petrified. You see, the first 14 years of my life I sat in those seats of the auditorium during every performance. I loved the week of musical, it was always so exciting! I can't remember the last time I missed a Saturday All-Day Rehearsal! Suzannah, Naomi, & I would always come & sit backstage so by opening night we'd have every line memorized! 14 years of this ritual until I was a freshman. That was 4 musicals ago now. It sounds like so long ago, but it feels like yesterday. After 4 years of being up on that stage I find myself hesitant, no hesitant is too light of a word-- I find myself kicking in screaming inside, saying, "Don't take me back down!"
The best memories I've had in high school have been through musical.I've met my best friends because of musical. Fox Chapel Spring Musical Kids are the best kids in the world! I would rather be in room, surrounded by Musical Kids-The Choir Queers-, than be in room with Oprah and the entire cast of The Departed!
Once the curtain goes down Saturday night, I'm going to have to go back to those auditorium seats, but this time instead of spending a few years in anticipation of getting back up there, I'll be stuck watching all those wonderful faces light up a stage, forever. There will be no turning back.
I can't even begin to describe the jealousy that is filling up inside of me just now; imagining the articulations, the dancing, the laughter, the smiles.
This is going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do & I've never been so afraid in my life. It's hard to believe that I'm almost grown up. It's hard to believe that I'm ending another chapter in my book. But somehow, I am.