"cleaning house"
I know I never made an official "alright I did it and here's what happened" post about the situation with Robby....well I'm going to now and it's not going to be anything like you expected. I'm not going to even spend much time on it because I have bigger issues to tend to and I'll get to that at a later date, I'm still not entirely sure what these issues are and I am way past due for some introspection. All I can say is that as of right now I'm not even in a state of mind fit for starting a relationship. Self-hatred and insecurity have become paramount in my mind lately and like I said it's high time for some introspection and "maintenance" but I digress...please allow me to get you to the page I'm on tonight. /cracks knuckles
Prom night I told him that I had feelings for him and his first response was that his feelings were 50/50 and that he just saw me as a best friend. it hurt but I was fine, I took it gracefully and moved on very quickly actually. Before the night was over though, for whatever reason he ended up sending me a text message asking me if I would like to go to the movies with some time. I accept his offer of course but we never really set a date. The next day he sends me a message saying in a nutshell that he has been enjoying being single and that he didn't want to compromise out friendship with this whole thing but that he did see that there was chemistry and he wanted to give it a try. He suggested maybe that following Thursday but to make a long story short, we didn't. I was fine with that too until about a week and a half later of us barely speaking when we crossed paths he sends me a text message saying that this month was going to be really busy for him and that we would rain check. I agreed that it would be wise to do so because it IS a busy month what with exams, graduation, and other various personal issues we both have going on. Cool, cool..whatever...it was understandable...until it began to appear to me that maybe he wasn't so busy after all. I wont get into all the details because it really doesn't matter and they're far too easy to misinterpret but at this point in the situation I just really don't know if he's giving me the run-around in order to "save" my feelings or if it was just really unfortunate timing. He very well may not be and might just be scared to get into another relationship (as I hear it his ex girlfriend really fucked him up) but as far as trying to really keep myself "out there" for him. I'm done. I don't know what's going on in his head and I no longer care (or I'm working on that part). If he truly wants to do something he'll let me know, I'm sure. If not then I have my answer, fin. I have been beating myself up for almost three solid weeks now. (IE "I'm not thin enough") SO much to the point that I'm falling back into a lot of old and very unhealthy thought patterns. I am going to deal with this and move on just like I would have if he had never sent me that first text message asking me out.
the worst that could happen? I will get my "no" answer in one form or another may it be him actually telling me or maybe just in him never following through on that rain-check and us never speaking again after graduation.
the best that could happen? I'll be pleasantly surprised (as quoted by Chad) when he "asks me out" (anyone else cringe at that phrase?)
In the meantime I'm going to try my best to get the fuck over it and mind my own business.The "ball" is now in his court and I'm done. I need to get back to me.
Prom night I told him that I had feelings for him and his first response was that his feelings were 50/50 and that he just saw me as a best friend. it hurt but I was fine, I took it gracefully and moved on very quickly actually. Before the night was over though, for whatever reason he ended up sending me a text message asking me if I would like to go to the movies with some time. I accept his offer of course but we never really set a date. The next day he sends me a message saying in a nutshell that he has been enjoying being single and that he didn't want to compromise out friendship with this whole thing but that he did see that there was chemistry and he wanted to give it a try. He suggested maybe that following Thursday but to make a long story short, we didn't. I was fine with that too until about a week and a half later of us barely speaking when we crossed paths he sends me a text message saying that this month was going to be really busy for him and that we would rain check. I agreed that it would be wise to do so because it IS a busy month what with exams, graduation, and other various personal issues we both have going on. Cool, cool..whatever...it was understandable...until it began to appear to me that maybe he wasn't so busy after all. I wont get into all the details because it really doesn't matter and they're far too easy to misinterpret but at this point in the situation I just really don't know if he's giving me the run-around in order to "save" my feelings or if it was just really unfortunate timing. He very well may not be and might just be scared to get into another relationship (as I hear it his ex girlfriend really fucked him up) but as far as trying to really keep myself "out there" for him. I'm done. I don't know what's going on in his head and I no longer care (or I'm working on that part). If he truly wants to do something he'll let me know, I'm sure. If not then I have my answer, fin. I have been beating myself up for almost three solid weeks now. (IE "I'm not thin enough") SO much to the point that I'm falling back into a lot of old and very unhealthy thought patterns. I am going to deal with this and move on just like I would have if he had never sent me that first text message asking me out.
the worst that could happen? I will get my "no" answer in one form or another may it be him actually telling me or maybe just in him never following through on that rain-check and us never speaking again after graduation.
the best that could happen? I'll be pleasantly surprised (as quoted by Chad) when he "asks me out" (anyone else cringe at that phrase?)
In the meantime I'm going to try my best to get the fuck over it and mind my own business.The "ball" is now in his court and I'm done. I need to get back to me.