(no subject)
This week has been so bittersweet its rediculous.
Let's go over the negative first:
It all started with severe pain, extreme exhaustion, I was cranky and couldn't eat or move. It was my mommy's bday though so I took her out wednesday. The night before though, I experienced more anger towards someone who I thought was my friend than I've ever experienced in my life. So fuming mad i was shaking and crying. One thing most of my friends know about me is that I 1, tell you when you've upset me or pissed me off. I think it's stupid to hide and bury emotions. people deserve to know if they hurt you and it only helps them grow. I like to know when I've wronged a friend somehow even if i don't realize it. and 2,If I fuck up and your my friend I admit it. Fact of the matter is I was being rediculously accused of saying and doing things I honestly DIDN'T DO. I mean fuck at this point I've thought about going out with a loud speaker and just spewing everything I know about this person because then I would at least be getting grief with purpose. But I would never. I always tried to warn my friend about telling too many people too much and even when I did that and word would start to carry and get back to said friend through the grapevine I would get accused of saying it all. Even when I could directly point out who said it I would catch the heat. So, tuesday night after nearly imploding, a few shots of vodka, half a pack of cigs and a nice fluffy bowl I had calmed down enough to say "fuck it, I'm done." I've been this persons friend for years. I've been through all the good and bad and have come to realize that whenever a new friend steps into said friends life i get pushed aside like an old toy. It's like I'm a rag doll and the new friends are barbies. I have caught the barbies saying my friends personal stuff I have told my friend "hey, I just heard barbie say this in front of everyone beware." But I'm just a rag doll...I get blamed for the barbies bullshit and I know some of those barbies are really full of it.
When You've got friends like this; who needs enemies? right? RIGHT!
I also heard some things that one of my really good guy friends new girlfriend is doing and got ultra pissed. I'm not going to say anything though to anyone. I mean I told Kayla...I tell Kayla everything though, she's my best friend and she doesn't know anyone anyway nor does she give a fuck enough to say anything.
Then last night I got this call from one of my bosses, ----. Now Rumor has it that ----s wanted to fire me since he found out I was born in the year of the tiger. something to do with an old girlfriend he still has his knickers in a knot over. He's always started drama with the girls and I and has at times made my job damn near impossible. Well, the phone call seemed to start normal. The usual how are you bullshit and then he asked me what I was doing:
"I'm having a smoke it's a really slow night." I answered.
"yeah and I'm sure sitting and looking at those menacing black blinds is never fun." he said.
I giggled, "What are you talking about?"
"that article you wrote in regnerator about sex shop etiquette."
OH for the love of all the sweet baby jesus's everywhere...WHY ME??????
He began to go on about how I was backstabbing the store, how I was a little girl, How it is disrespectful to our customers. I tried to explain that I was simply talking about the sexual harassment I endure on a daily basis, the oversharing and pretty much the all out rediculous statements I hear that can be pretty much offensive. He tried to justify men sexualy harassing me when they are trying to buy stuff for themselves.
"----, It is never fucking ok for a guy to come in and tell me his cock is so big that it's going to hurt me when all he wants is condoms or a cock ring."
"it's your job to hear and take that."
"No it isn't my fucking job to put up with that. From day one you guys gave me all the authority to kick anyone out if I feel uncomfortable or threatened. It's my job to offer knowledge and ring up customers. Not to be told my pussy's going to be sore."
My boss honestly tried to justify me being sexually harassed at work because it is a lingerie store. The whole conversation was so rediculous I kept yelling fucking fire me, I hung up on him and nearly just walked out. When I get pissed I start to cry and shake. this is how you know I'm entering blind rage mode. If you see my cry and start to shake GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY IF YOU LOVE YOUR LIFE! I started to cry on the phone and he had the balls to say "go ahead and cry little girl maybe it will make you feel better because your so immature thats all you can do." I nearly lost it. I'm scheduled for three more days and then hopefully I will be out of here.
So the good news!!!
Mike came home wednesday from san fran after being gone a week. i was so happy to see him!!! He is so amazingly sweet and kind and chill. There are no worries with him and i trust him a lot. He left friday to go to san diego and he comes back again today.
Wednesday I got to spend time with my mom for her bday. we went and got pedicures and I took her too lunch. My ex's mom joined us and it was nice. I love mary she is such a sweet and kind person and an amazing artist. It was a very nice lunch. Afterwards I went home and slept till mike got back in town. Thursday I went to the mall with my mom to get a bathing suit and we went and got lunch at chicago freddy's. On our way back I got a voicemail from this guy Jason I had met a few months prior through one of Kay's friends Jessica. jason manages the Origins counter in Macy's and said Kay told him to call me about an opening they had. I nearly peed my pants. I went in friday morning and he helped me fill out my app and introduced me to all the managers including Donna who runs pretty much everything. They realllly liked me! So I pretty much have a new job I start on the 20th after I do this over the phone test thing tomorrow. i'm going to be making over $11 an hour plus commission and gratis. I get to go to make up school and all that stuff. I'm sooooo excited. I really need this job. I really need a change. I would die if anything happened and I didn't get it!
I'm moving this week and then friday i'm going out to san diego with Mike and his family for the weekend. It will be a nice little vacation. i'm kinda nervous. parents scare me but i really like his parents. It will be nice to get away since i start school the 27th and a new job and i'm moving. september is going to be so fresh!
I really don't care who reads this or finds this. Like I said last night:
I'ts my god given right as an american born citizen to say and write whatever I please.
so f off.
Let's go over the negative first:
It all started with severe pain, extreme exhaustion, I was cranky and couldn't eat or move. It was my mommy's bday though so I took her out wednesday. The night before though, I experienced more anger towards someone who I thought was my friend than I've ever experienced in my life. So fuming mad i was shaking and crying. One thing most of my friends know about me is that I 1, tell you when you've upset me or pissed me off. I think it's stupid to hide and bury emotions. people deserve to know if they hurt you and it only helps them grow. I like to know when I've wronged a friend somehow even if i don't realize it. and 2,If I fuck up and your my friend I admit it. Fact of the matter is I was being rediculously accused of saying and doing things I honestly DIDN'T DO. I mean fuck at this point I've thought about going out with a loud speaker and just spewing everything I know about this person because then I would at least be getting grief with purpose. But I would never. I always tried to warn my friend about telling too many people too much and even when I did that and word would start to carry and get back to said friend through the grapevine I would get accused of saying it all. Even when I could directly point out who said it I would catch the heat. So, tuesday night after nearly imploding, a few shots of vodka, half a pack of cigs and a nice fluffy bowl I had calmed down enough to say "fuck it, I'm done." I've been this persons friend for years. I've been through all the good and bad and have come to realize that whenever a new friend steps into said friends life i get pushed aside like an old toy. It's like I'm a rag doll and the new friends are barbies. I have caught the barbies saying my friends personal stuff I have told my friend "hey, I just heard barbie say this in front of everyone beware." But I'm just a rag doll...I get blamed for the barbies bullshit and I know some of those barbies are really full of it.
When You've got friends like this; who needs enemies? right? RIGHT!
I also heard some things that one of my really good guy friends new girlfriend is doing and got ultra pissed. I'm not going to say anything though to anyone. I mean I told Kayla...I tell Kayla everything though, she's my best friend and she doesn't know anyone anyway nor does she give a fuck enough to say anything.
Then last night I got this call from one of my bosses, ----. Now Rumor has it that ----s wanted to fire me since he found out I was born in the year of the tiger. something to do with an old girlfriend he still has his knickers in a knot over. He's always started drama with the girls and I and has at times made my job damn near impossible. Well, the phone call seemed to start normal. The usual how are you bullshit and then he asked me what I was doing:
"I'm having a smoke it's a really slow night." I answered.
"yeah and I'm sure sitting and looking at those menacing black blinds is never fun." he said.
I giggled, "What are you talking about?"
"that article you wrote in regnerator about sex shop etiquette."
OH for the love of all the sweet baby jesus's everywhere...WHY ME??????
He began to go on about how I was backstabbing the store, how I was a little girl, How it is disrespectful to our customers. I tried to explain that I was simply talking about the sexual harassment I endure on a daily basis, the oversharing and pretty much the all out rediculous statements I hear that can be pretty much offensive. He tried to justify men sexualy harassing me when they are trying to buy stuff for themselves.
"----, It is never fucking ok for a guy to come in and tell me his cock is so big that it's going to hurt me when all he wants is condoms or a cock ring."
"it's your job to hear and take that."
"No it isn't my fucking job to put up with that. From day one you guys gave me all the authority to kick anyone out if I feel uncomfortable or threatened. It's my job to offer knowledge and ring up customers. Not to be told my pussy's going to be sore."
My boss honestly tried to justify me being sexually harassed at work because it is a lingerie store. The whole conversation was so rediculous I kept yelling fucking fire me, I hung up on him and nearly just walked out. When I get pissed I start to cry and shake. this is how you know I'm entering blind rage mode. If you see my cry and start to shake GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY IF YOU LOVE YOUR LIFE! I started to cry on the phone and he had the balls to say "go ahead and cry little girl maybe it will make you feel better because your so immature thats all you can do." I nearly lost it. I'm scheduled for three more days and then hopefully I will be out of here.
So the good news!!!
Mike came home wednesday from san fran after being gone a week. i was so happy to see him!!! He is so amazingly sweet and kind and chill. There are no worries with him and i trust him a lot. He left friday to go to san diego and he comes back again today.
Wednesday I got to spend time with my mom for her bday. we went and got pedicures and I took her too lunch. My ex's mom joined us and it was nice. I love mary she is such a sweet and kind person and an amazing artist. It was a very nice lunch. Afterwards I went home and slept till mike got back in town. Thursday I went to the mall with my mom to get a bathing suit and we went and got lunch at chicago freddy's. On our way back I got a voicemail from this guy Jason I had met a few months prior through one of Kay's friends Jessica. jason manages the Origins counter in Macy's and said Kay told him to call me about an opening they had. I nearly peed my pants. I went in friday morning and he helped me fill out my app and introduced me to all the managers including Donna who runs pretty much everything. They realllly liked me! So I pretty much have a new job I start on the 20th after I do this over the phone test thing tomorrow. i'm going to be making over $11 an hour plus commission and gratis. I get to go to make up school and all that stuff. I'm sooooo excited. I really need this job. I really need a change. I would die if anything happened and I didn't get it!
I'm moving this week and then friday i'm going out to san diego with Mike and his family for the weekend. It will be a nice little vacation. i'm kinda nervous. parents scare me but i really like his parents. It will be nice to get away since i start school the 27th and a new job and i'm moving. september is going to be so fresh!
I really don't care who reads this or finds this. Like I said last night:
I'ts my god given right as an american born citizen to say and write whatever I please.
so f off.