writing exercise
i remember the day i told him to go.
There is the chatter of other people arriving, greeting each other, unaware what was going on.
Its just two people talking. Two people and desk. two people, a desk, and a set of keys. One key resting on top of the other.
I am sitting in the big chair, legs folded, arms crossed, flanked by shelves of our history.
The room is warm. stuffy. a layer of dust covers everything.
Anger. Betrayal. Lies. Guilt. Manipulation. Strength.
I remember the day i told him to go.
It smells like fear. is it him or me? I think it's him. He knows he's been caught.
I struggle to find the words and tears form in my eyes. I want to scream and swear and hurt him, but instead i do my best to remain calm and collected and remind myself that one of us has to be the reasonable adult. and it's clearly me.
How do i say things so he won't lie to me again? how do i protect the other people involved? How can i get this over with and just get back to normal? Will things be normal again? How could i have let this happen?
"I'm a good person. I did nothing wrong."
And then the doorway is empty and he is gone. no one else is around, they are all upstairs, waiting for me.
Doubt. Worry. Anguish. Strength. Pride. Hope.
I remember the day i told him to go.
I wish I had listened to my instincts. I wish I could turn back time and tell him to go earlier before so many people were touched by him.
I wish there was one solid label for what he was, so that others could know with just a single word.
I remember the day i told him to go.
I remember feeling so weak, but knowing i was being strong for others.
I remember running late, more of my time that he had wasted.
i remember wiping my tears and moving on with things.
Always moving on.