this morning/afternoon sucks
so i had another pep talk with mom. those of you who know me well know what that means. i just found out that i'm an embarrassment to her and that she hates talking about me to people and stuff like that. i cause her nothing but greif. she says it's all her fault why i am the way i am. why i'm 22 and i don't have an aa. why i'm such a failure at being an adult.
god this sucks. i hate myself right now. and i have to work at 4. i wish i could call in sick. i could get a drs note if i go see susan. but shit at this point she'd probably want to lock me up in a mental institution, cuz i'm so depressed. why can't i get through school? why can't i finish a fucking simple ass class? it's not like i'm stupid. not by any means. i do it to myself. it's like i want to fail. i want to screw myself over. like there's a part of me that's out to ruin me and fucks up the other half's plans. wow, now i really sound psycho. i don't know what to do. i just want to eliminate myself from her life. move out, and leave so i'm not such a burden on her and her marraige and life.
i'm just so upset. i want to crawl in bed and sleep for a week. just hide in here. be by myself.
she also told me to sign up for whatever classes i needed and that she would do all the work because it was obvious that i couldn't do it myself. she says i broke her heart. and she doesn't know what to do. she says i can't leave because i couldn't support myself on my own.
damn this sucks
god this sucks. i hate myself right now. and i have to work at 4. i wish i could call in sick. i could get a drs note if i go see susan. but shit at this point she'd probably want to lock me up in a mental institution, cuz i'm so depressed. why can't i get through school? why can't i finish a fucking simple ass class? it's not like i'm stupid. not by any means. i do it to myself. it's like i want to fail. i want to screw myself over. like there's a part of me that's out to ruin me and fucks up the other half's plans. wow, now i really sound psycho. i don't know what to do. i just want to eliminate myself from her life. move out, and leave so i'm not such a burden on her and her marraige and life.
i'm just so upset. i want to crawl in bed and sleep for a week. just hide in here. be by myself.
she also told me to sign up for whatever classes i needed and that she would do all the work because it was obvious that i couldn't do it myself. she says i broke her heart. and she doesn't know what to do. she says i can't leave because i couldn't support myself on my own.
damn this sucks