bitter sweet.
everyone is getting married. I feel like a late bloomer, though I never was. I know i'll get my last name changed and write my own vows one day but it doesn't seem like it will come soon enough. I'm trying to be patient and remember that its about love and not keeping up with the joneses.
I'm really torn about wanting to move out of my mothers house. I would love to next january when James' lease is over, but thats when I planned on going back to school. I'm worried about not making enough money..
everything will work out, i know. i just don't want to rush myself and then end up back here again. I love my mom but I'm an adult, and a mother.. I need my own place with my own space in it.
not to mention I miss living with James, I miss falling asleep and waking up together in the same bed. I miss arguing over who will cook versus who will do the dishes. I miss the quiet, not like here. my own quiet. ya know?
I don't even have doors. not that I don't appreciate having a roof over mine and Aden's head, but I just would like privacy. but now a days you have to pay for that kind of thing.
if I do move out, I plan on taking out a loan if I cant afford school. I hate that idea, but I don't want to be a cna my whole life. I want to be a nurse.
maybe even more than that. I want to purchase a new car, and new appliances for a new home. I want aden to have a college fund and I want to bear more children with the man I love.
I just need to take baby steps. so here it starts with this second job.
I figure if i keep my faith in myself and keep in the correct direction the rest will fall into place. its just....easier said then done.
aside from my selfsh ness..... my dear friend Eileen is having brain surgery tomorrow. I havent seen her in a year, but I think about her everyday. I'm keeping her, Heather and the rest of the family in my thoughts. if there is really a god out there, she will live a long healthy life.
I'm really torn about wanting to move out of my mothers house. I would love to next january when James' lease is over, but thats when I planned on going back to school. I'm worried about not making enough money..
everything will work out, i know. i just don't want to rush myself and then end up back here again. I love my mom but I'm an adult, and a mother.. I need my own place with my own space in it.
not to mention I miss living with James, I miss falling asleep and waking up together in the same bed. I miss arguing over who will cook versus who will do the dishes. I miss the quiet, not like here. my own quiet. ya know?
I don't even have doors. not that I don't appreciate having a roof over mine and Aden's head, but I just would like privacy. but now a days you have to pay for that kind of thing.
if I do move out, I plan on taking out a loan if I cant afford school. I hate that idea, but I don't want to be a cna my whole life. I want to be a nurse.
maybe even more than that. I want to purchase a new car, and new appliances for a new home. I want aden to have a college fund and I want to bear more children with the man I love.
I just need to take baby steps. so here it starts with this second job.
I figure if i keep my faith in myself and keep in the correct direction the rest will fall into place. its just....easier said then done.
aside from my selfsh ness..... my dear friend Eileen is having brain surgery tomorrow. I havent seen her in a year, but I think about her everyday. I'm keeping her, Heather and the rest of the family in my thoughts. if there is really a god out there, she will live a long healthy life.