I am obsessed with hating myself.

[canibyourmemory]

I've spent roughly two hours comparing myself to others, as opposed to the other 22 hours a day I normally do so. Reviewing flaws I have with myself, and jokes or comments from others that seem to be overlooked by the person mentioning them. I mean, even if it's my cousins at work saying something like "you're stupid," because I didn't do something right, I have similar doubts in myself concerning what they're saying to me, so when they say something like that I think about it! Like, "Hm, am I? I think the same about myself, they do too, maybe I am stupid." I could go on with a million different examples. Fat, uninterested, not caring enough, not attentive enough, quick enough, friendly enough, supportive enough, just never enough.  And I could probably kill myself with changes but I don't think anyone would notice. So maybe, really, it's just me not doing a good enough job, and again, not being good enough. Either way, it's like I like to torture myself by comparision. I look at what I don't have or people who have been more influencial in my loved one's lives than me and I start to hate myself. I feel undeserving and as if I'll never be that or better. It's an addiction. I do it with every boyfriend, co-worker, family member and few friends.

It's a new year and I'm all about fixing any problems I have with myself. So I guess acceptance is just one strong step to overcoming addiction...